Evening all x Sailing on :)

Hi all, hope you're all well and plodding on. Been off a few days due to the ever increasing jobs of being a mam. I had myself in a right muddle by leaving jobs to the last minute lol. Typical of me. Still I have caught up.

Think my virtual ship has been on rocky seas the last few days. One minute i'm up and then i'm down. I have a lot of brain fog at the moment, and some tough decisions to make. The holiday is looming, its friday. I know in my heart I am not ready to go, but how do I let my kids down again. I put across the idea to my hubby of me going and sitting in the caravan and seeing if I dare go out, but he said no as it will spoil his and the kids,s holiday. I dont want to stay home alone, as I will not cope. I will have 7 days with no one but myself. No one visits or calls me. My mam will not come to see me as she thinks Im being stupid with anxiety. Ohh decisions, I know the hubby means well and he doesn't wanna let the boys down, but i sometimes wonder if he needs a break from me. I asked if I could go into hospital for the week but they said no:/ Im not mad enough lol x the only agreement we have is if they go they will come back a day early :/

Ive also had the mental health team out today, they seem to think I getting the best help I could be with cbt therapy. Medication is not needed as its more my past bothering me. Didn't understand that part!! I mean surely with anxiety its a bit of everything. I told them how my cbt makes me feel weird as its stirred up all my past and makes me think, he said it shows its working. As I answered a lot of my own questions about why I am like I am. Progress?? He also said in order to fix the past, we need to break it all down toss all the balls in the air and only catch the ones we need, those that fall were never needed. Mm still that part done x

WEdnesday next big day x health m.o.t. eekkk, ecg to put my mind at rest and blood tests galore. How can I have ha if I have no wonky parts lol, thats the theory anyway. Then the cbt therapist is back xx

Anyway thats my ships progress, we aint sunk yet lol x Donver xx

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Hi Donver

Think you should put I am sailing song by Rod Stewart , would go well with your posts & mimii would read your posts every time

You have a lot going of at the moment !

I dont no if you feel it but you are handling it all very well from what I have read , so hope you feel good about yourself

I do see a change in you , even though I no everything thats happening may feel daunting

Oh this holiday , I think the only thing to do , put both options down on a piece of paper & the for's on each one & the against's on each one & even though from what you say neither is a perfect outcome , hopefully one will just out weigh the other one & go for that one !

If you go away will you be able to get access to the site , you could still get support that way

Well lets hope you drop a lot of balls & only catch the good ones from how they have explained how it works , I am sure in time you will

Good luck with your MOT

Love

whywhy

xxx

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Hi and ty whywhy x

Ah I am sailing lol x rod was a bit before my time lol but the song is catchy hehe x i think i feel more big fish little fish and me in the cardboard box .

Oh my life is like a soap opera whywhy, i should start to learn the script and maybe then i wouldn't be so shocked at how it goes. I think deep down I can see changes myself ever so slightly, but happening. Hopefully it carries on.

The holiday is a nightmare, i have weighed it all up, but think the logical answer is going it alone again. No one you can rely on quite like yourself. I would,nt be able to access the site, unless I could get it on my phone. Im not sure if a windows phone will do but assuming it may as its internet?

The way I feel today im gonna chuck all these balls in the friggin sea as im sailing and double back over them to make sure they sink lol.

Donver xx