Hey Everyone, I hope you are all ok
Well i had a course of stress control classes before christmas which has really helped and for once i am in control of my panics , being on the right medication has definitely helped. However this has caused me to have weird / bad dreams which scares me a little because they involve so many people i love and sometimes i wake up like it is real. Like last night i had a dream that i caused nearly £200 worth of damage at tesco for throwng stuff at my sister, my whole family and even my boyfriend turned away from me which really upset me when i woke up and i checked it wasnt real because it felt it. I have found a remedy to help me sleep better and stop having weird dreams Wittards Sleep time hot chocolate , it has camomile and honey but i have ran out, thankfully my boyfriend mike has ordered me some more so hopefully the bad dreams will stop again.
But i feel so guilty having a go at my family sometimes especially when i am in a bad mood. I fnd it hard sometimes to sound positive when i am in such a horrrible mood that i came off the phone to my boyfriend in tears when i was thinking of ways to cheer myself up. Im at uni at the moment in my final year and yes it is so hard but the main thing is that i feel so isolated and that is when i take it out on mike i feel awful when i do and i dont mean to do it. He is so brilliant and i love him but i am scared i am going to lose him if i keep doing this. So i am trying to keep positive and look forward to keep myself motivated in the present. Hopefully it will be better once i have finished uni and i am back home with mike and my family , just hoping i can keep it together for these last couple of months
CS 19 x