I can't think of a name for this blog, so I'll just put a confused face...

Life isn't great, my younger sister attempted suicide again yesterday and was kept in hospital for the night. She didn't have any injuries, but they wanted to keep her in for mental assessments. I didn't know how to feel when I found out, I didn't know what had happened until 6 hours later! Everyone else seemed to know, but I was asleep so that's why I wasn't told. My mum stayed in with her, but for a while now I've been ignored, as my sister seems to take over if I say I have a problem, it's like she thinks it's a competition. I've drilled these words in to my head now 'DO NOT COMPLAIN'. I never complained before, and people told me I should complain more, but when I did, I wasn't taken seriously and got in to a bigger mess, so I won't be talking anymore, mostly because the NHS has lost my trust, they haven't done anything for me and never will.

I feel extremely depressed, I want to turn the white tissue red and drown my blood in drugs. The only thing stopping me is my OH is here, otherwise I'd be doing those things. I don't want to kill myself, I want to put myself through pain, as I feel everything is my fault. I am annoyed that my sister is getting more help than me, when I've been suffering for so long. It is true that teenagers get lost in the system, when they transfer from child to adult services. Its been 3 weeks and I've heard nothing from anyone, people seem to not give a damn, and nothing I say is making a difference to the treatment I get.

Can't think of anything else to say, feel really impatient and agitated...

3 Replies

  • Hello Muffinchops

    None of what you said is your fault and you said you feel as though you shouldn’t complain or talk to people anymore because of the transition from adolescent to adult care has been none existent, please do keep on telling people and reminding them of how you are coping someone will eventually listen and help you... Don’t give up getting the help you deserve.

    Please don't do what you described further along in your blog, I know you said you do not want to kill yourself but to just inflict pain but when you do that that's when the worst case scenario might happen and didn’t even mean for it to happen.

  • Hi muffinchops,

    In the middle of the night things always seem worse, well they do for me anyhow. Nights are my enemy then when morning comes I often start to feel better and the anxiety lessens. Doesn't go, but doesn't feel so bad.

    Am sure your parents let you sleep during it all as they thought it was the best thing so you would be rested. Sometimes people decide what's best for us even if we don't agree with that decision.

    In 2011 I was on the other side of the world on holiday when my mum took gravely ill and my siblings decided not to tell me, I was furious, my mum nearly died and there was I enjoying my holiday in blissful ignorance. Safe to say, when I did find out I was really p*****d off with them, but in hindsight, once I calmed down I realised they did what they thought was best. It was their call that night and I have to respect that.

    Please don't hurt yourself but do try to chase up the help you need and deserve.

    And you're right in what you say, it's not a competition and people on here care for you. We are all on here to get and receive support, just like one big family.

    Take care sweetie xxx

  • muffin I just wanted to send you a hug,

    (( :) ))


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