Ruining my LIFE!!!!

Not only is anxiety ruining my life. It's ruining my dreams too. I have obsessive thoughts and not only is it ruining my life it's ruining my dreams. In my dreams I can't do certain things because of anxiety and the obsessive thoughts. It's been this way for me for about 1 week. I'm just feeling as if I will never be free from my thoughts or anxiety. I feel like a prisoner in my mind. I want to feel normal. I don't want to have these thoughts. Idk what to do anymore. I keep on forgetting to bring this up to my counselor. I'm not on any medicine but I'm in a need of a free mind. So I can think freely! But I can't and I can't even enjoy time with my boyfriend because of of my obsessive thoughts and anxiety. Mainly my obsessive thoughts. I have one recurring thought over and over again in my head. Tbh idk if going to love pass 19. I'm at 18 but 19 in July. But this thought makes me think and say I rather die than hurt someone. I really do. I can't even be around my nephew or children without freaking out. I seriously tried to cut my hand off because of the thoughts. But I didn't get deep enough and I just cut the deep enough to see flesh. This obsessive thought seriously rules my life and I can't stop it. I want to feel normal again.

4 Replies

  • AnxiousGal you need to talk to someone as soon as possible about your feelings.

    you say you don't want medication as you need a clear mind - but hun, your mind is not clear.

    You need to be honest with your doctor and tell him how you feel.

    Ant-depressants largely replace seratonin which your body doesn't produce enough of - my gp likens this to a diabetic needing to replace the insulin their bodies don't make enough of.

    The obsessive thought that you have is something I think you need help with through talking to a professional.

    you can talk anonymously to someone at MIND or the Samaritans or Saneline, but please talk to someone.

    As we grow up, we feel bad/guilty if we've done something - found out or not.

    sometimes, when our mind is in turmoil, it tries to find reasons to why ..

    therefore, within this turmoil, the mind can think "to feel this way I must be bad" and creates a disturbing , mostly irrational thought or reason.

    You are not your thoughts,

    You are aware of what haunts your mind - whatever it is,

    You have not acted on them ,

    Our minds can throw up awful thoughts, from playing tricks on people e.g. "I'd love to put salt in the sugar bowl" to "If he ignores me 1 more time, I swear I'll poison his tea."and imaging them if you did; to horrendous ideas.

    It's knowing the difference between reality and fantasy, right and wrong and not acting on them.

    don't hurt yourself,

    ask for help and clarity,

    mabye try anti-deressants,

    don't feel alone, come back and talk to us.


  • some helplines for you to please consider calling..

    Mind Infoline

    Information service for users of mental health services, carers and other groups. Information on types of mental distress, treatments, therapies and legal


    08457 660163 (9.15am – 4.45pm everyday)

    Languages: Use of Language Line.

    Fax: 020 8522 1725



    SANE services provide practical help, emotional support and specialist information to individuals affected by mental health problems, their family, friends and


    Helpline: 0845 767 8000 (6pm – 11pm)


    Support Forum:

    The Samaritans

    The Samaritans provide 24 hour, confidential, emotional support for anyone in crisis.

    08457 909090 (24 hours)

    Phone: 08457 90 90 90

    Anxiety UK

    Call us 08444 775 774 Mon to Fri 09:30-5:30

    We are the leading charity for anxiety disorders and all out therapist are experts in the field. You can access to reduced cost therapy to help you in the long term.

  • Hang in there AnxiousGal and take the good advice sandra99b has provided. Do you have any friends you can talk to? At least that might take some of the weight of your shoulders.

  • Thanks for everyone for replying. I'm currently going on a camping trip and I'm afraid that my anxiety will go nuts and I will have an attack again. I don't want to have another attack. The camp is going to have a lot of kids there which triggers my OCD and anxiety. I really hope I can pull through. The trip is from Thursday to Sunday morning. :( I love camping but I just don't want OCD and anxiety ruin my life!

You may also like...