Really down

[loubie25]

I don't know why I feel so low all the time, I really am so unhappy in my life, and I just can't ever see it ever getting any better.

Its worse since I moved into my dads house after he passed away, me and my boyfriend decided to move to my dads as the house is mortgage free so its a lot cheaper to live there than where we were living, my sister was living with my mum and at the same time decided to move into my dads house as well, so now I live with my bf and my sister, I get on OK with my sister but I hadn't lived with her for about 8yrs so its just a bit weird plus she irritates me sometimes like sisters do, its just not really the set up I wanted. I'm not sure if its living with my sister thats getting me so much more down than usual or if its because of where i live now, you see where I used to live it was near the city and close to the seafront, I had lots of cafes, bars, restaurants, shops, cinema etc all within walking distance from where I lived. Where I'm living now is in quite a quiet remote area, and i do feel so ungrateful for not being happy here as its a nice house and I know I am lucky that my mum said we can live there rent free and my bf is really happy about it, he likes living there and likes that he is actually able to save up some money for once, he doesn't understand why I am not happy and to be honest I really don't know either.

I'm not sure if its because its so different to the area where i used to live, there's nothing near me to do, if I want to go out I have to drive there, there isn't even a train station nearby. My bf and I used to just leave our flat with no exact plans other than to just go for a walk or just go out for a bit and would just end up at the seafront, go for lunch, or having a nose round the shops or even see a film without planning any of it and I really miss doing that.

Also since my dad died as he just died in his sleep from left ventricular failure, I now keep thinking everyone around me is going to die so my anxiety is really bad, just this morning I woke up at 6am and was lying in bed trying to go back to sleep and then started thinking it was odd how my sister wasn't up as she had to be at work for 7am so I started panicking to myself thinking that she was dead, and I was too scared to knock on her door to check on her in case she really was dead, I was just in bed, my heart beating really fast, my chest tight feeling really terrified that my sister was dead, I laid there for about 20minutes like that until I finally heard her get up and then I felt like the whole world had been lifted off my shoulders and I relaxed and went back to sleep.

I really hate feeling this way all the time, but I just really can't see a way out of it.

Big thanks to anyone who reads this and sorry for going on and for being all doom and gloom.

[galatea]

Thats ok, im pretty new to this to but being a chap we really don't know how to explain ourselves sometimes. Where all going through the mill at the moment. The people here are pretty good and so supportive. All the best.

[loubie25]

Thanx for your comment galatea, I really appreciate it.xx

[Tenley]

I've been in that dark twisted vortex for a very long time now... the most important thing is that you persist with getting through life, one day at a time. sometimes it's even one hour at a time.

Why?

Because I've been at the edge of the cliff... and I can testify that even though it feels like the doom and gloom never ends... it will eventually. You'll look back and realize it.

Keep a journal. Write everything you're angry or frustrated with in life into it. Write everything good that happens. The things you're thankful for.

Look back in a few years time - you'll realize what you've managed to overcome.

Take care

X

[loubie25]

Thank you so much for your comment Tenley.

Sorry to hear you have been in such a bad place, I know how extremely hard it can be.

That's a really good idea for me to keep a journal of my feelings, I am definitely going to do that.

You've given me some really good advice.

Thank you I really do appreciate it. Xxx