Really Struggling today!

Hi all been a while since i blogged last, as i had started to feel better. Over the last week and a half had started to had more bad days not sure if this was due to my monthly cycle as this did coincide (i have noticed a pattern with this has anybody else?) but just started feeling low, lethargic, no pleasure in doing things, not wanting to do anything, then feeling guilty because i hadn't done anything the usual cycle started. Then on sunday i lost my nanna the most important lady in my life as i lost my mum aged 9. Sunday past in a bit of a blur but io thought i best go into work monday to try and keep my mind occupied. but last night i got home and just stared feeling worse. i spoke to my boyfriend about some things in general that had been on my mind that i didn't feel like i was doing enough to contribute (he has just bought us a nerw house and i am slowly moving in and getting my house ready for renting) to which he said i was beign silly and that i was doing as much as him. i think i really wanted to tell him that i felt panicky and thought i was going down hill again and i wanted him to pick up on this (for your information my byfriend does not have the ability to mnd read lol) but by the end of the evening i felt the panick building and building inside of me until we wnet to bed and he asked if i was ok and i just ended up in floods of tears for about half an hour saying that i felt i couldn't confide in him as i thought he was getting sick of it and that i was pushing him away, i'm scared of losing him or that he might get terribly hurt in an accident and be taken away from me.

All sorts came spilling out and he did his best as always to try and reassure me, i did calm down slightly but it took ages to fall asleep. I'm not sure why but after speaking with my GP this morning he said that i am referring back to when the anxiety first began and trying to find a reason as to why i feel like this all the time. I feel guilty because i have everything i could ever want, a fantastic boyfriend (don't get me wrong he has his moments), two healthy childred, 3 healthy lovely step children, a gorgeous new house! what do i have to be down about?? Or am i missing the point that i am greiving and let myself greive and feel low and stop trying to put it down to somehting else!!! I'm doing my own head in at the moment its exhausting xxx

2 Replies

  • Hi bunny, im really sorry about ur loss xxx as for the montly cycle yes i get really down, just want to cry, and just havent got the energy to do anything. I feel worser at the time of month. Uve got alot going on, and wen u lose someone so close to u its going to make u feel low. Uve got to give ur self time to grieve. Im sure ur boyfriend understands that this is a hard time for u and at the moment ur going to feel at a really low point. My OH as just lost his dad, and its been hard. Harder for him but ive still found it hard. Im trying to just let him grieve in the way he needs to but be there for him. Im sure that he will try his best to be there for you xxx

  • Hi

    Not surprising your doing your own head in, you have lost the most important person you had.

    Yes, understanding this grieving process is the key here,

    its ok to feel upset, down etc. your boyfriend will understand that,

    but make sure you do keep communicating as best you can with him.

    For me, I remember and give thanks for the time we did share together on this earth, this will be hard, but try to allow it to happen, accept comfort from your boyfriend, I'm sure we would all need comfort at this time.

    I'm not too good at expressing myself in this matter, but I know there are people on here that do fully understand, and hopefully will answer.

    Wishing you well


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