The cycle of feeling good and bad - can it be broken?

[nena]

Hi,

I've not done a blog post for a while, so thought I would get some thoughts out here. I've had a really busy few weeks with ups and downs. Sometimes I feel like just working really hard to sort my life out and get out of this rut I am in. But I don't always feel strong, and sometimes just want to crawl under a big rock and stay there for as long as I can.

I have been getting more and more frustrated with the cycle of feeling like I am getting on my feet, only to be knocked down again, and when I try to fix things, I feel something else goes wrong. That's what has been happening to me. I usually get over one hurdle, only to be knocked down by something else going wrong in another part of my life. I spoke to my counsellor about the cycle. Felt determined to do something, but have this feeling of impending doom.

The last couple of weeks have been about 'doing things' - keeping myself busy and active, and trying to push forward proactively with trying to get my life on track. Sitting here now, I don't know how I managed to get the strength together - as I do feel quite low. But I did do it, and managed to bag myself a permanent job for September. I feel great, but I have to work out what to do in the meantime and will have to rely on temp work in order to survive the next few months.

I feel as though this is a part of my life that has improved, but what about the others? I see my new job as a breakthrough on the road to recovery... but is this a cycle that cannot be broken? Will something go wrong in another part of my life? I feel in a much better place than I have ever been for a long time.

Would love any comments from anyone who has an opinion on this. And hope the rest of the week treats you well.

Nena

[Hidden]

Hi nena,

Well done getting you job.

For me the only proactive thing I do is, not be proactive, I just expect things could go wrong. Is the "word wrong or breakdown"

I dont try to control life, I just do what needs doing, when it needs doing, its a small part of what life is really.

I just get up in the morning, wash dress, get breakfast, and move into the day, I think when we look at things as hurdles it causes, friction, like we need a favourable result, and that of course is preferable, but doesn't need to be so important that it can ruin our day.

Say our car gets damaged, and makes us late for an appointment, its beyond our control, why get upset about it, we have insurance, we have a phone to explain to the appointee that we will be late or reschedule.

so much in life is out of our control, let it be, its ok, we break the cycle by not getting so involved.

A good feeling is great of course, we all love those, yet when a bad feeling comes along, we are like, how dare it, like its something not allowed, the same friction occours. If we treat both in the same way, i.e. accept them gracefully, it allows us to enjoy them. Even the car getting hit, may be a good day too, we could meet someone new by taking an alternative route, see different views, by having to walk to the bus stop, it all good really.

Even a simple task of getting up in the morning came be done in two ways, a forced way, fighting with our minds, which will produce this friction and makes us tired,

or

getting up, with our whole mind going forward, this is mindfullness, like making a cup of tea, doing all the parts of the operation, mindfully, pouring the water into the kettle, just standing waiting for it to boil, pouring the water into the cup, putting the milk in, stirring till just right, all whilst allowing all these things to take their time, not our time, their time. We breathe, and from the first sip to the last we are aware of the process, we go with it all not fight it.

Just let it happen, no need to control, the world will still carry on regardless of our meddling sit back and enjoy this ride through life.

Wishing you a peacefull evening

B

xxxx

[nena]

Thanks Baylien,

Nice insight. Perhaps I was frustrated at letting things just fall apart around me, and have tried to be proactive about changing things. It worked out well with the job, but not sure if it will work well with every aspect of my life. Whether I will be getting more knock backs? I suppose I will just see what happens. Maybe there is no definite answer on any of this.

Nena x