I've not done a blog post for a while, so thought I would get some thoughts out here. I've had a really busy few weeks with ups and downs. Sometimes I feel like just working really hard to sort my life out and get out of this rut I am in. But I don't always feel strong, and sometimes just want to crawl under a big rock and stay there for as long as I can.
I have been getting more and more frustrated with the cycle of feeling like I am getting on my feet, only to be knocked down again, and when I try to fix things, I feel something else goes wrong. That's what has been happening to me. I usually get over one hurdle, only to be knocked down by something else going wrong in another part of my life. I spoke to my counsellor about the cycle. Felt determined to do something, but have this feeling of impending doom.
The last couple of weeks have been about 'doing things' - keeping myself busy and active, and trying to push forward proactively with trying to get my life on track. Sitting here now, I don't know how I managed to get the strength together - as I do feel quite low. But I did do it, and managed to bag myself a permanent job for September. I feel great, but I have to work out what to do in the meantime and will have to rely on temp work in order to survive the next few months.
I feel as though this is a part of my life that has improved, but what about the others? I see my new job as a breakthrough on the road to recovery... but is this a cycle that cannot be broken? Will something go wrong in another part of my life? I feel in a much better place than I have ever been for a long time.
Would love any comments from anyone who has an opinion on this. And hope the rest of the week treats you well.