Just me

i guess ive always had quite bad anxiety since primary school. And over years its grown to make my life and social life hell. im now 18 and a student at sixthform. my anxiety limits my skills and i struggle to speak to people that are out of my small friendship circle. I stutter so bad and i struggle to string my sentences together and then i feel nothing like an idiot and end up worrying the whole day about something so small but i always seem to blow it so much out of proportion. It can be that bad that it limits what i can say to my friends and even my whole family and everything little that they may have forgotten about will be burned into my head forever. i remember everything that cause a panic attack when i was younger to such detail that it causes me to feel bad and depressed the rest of the day.

My friends are all going to university in august but i failed the first year so am currently resitting so now ive never felt so low or awkward about leaving the comfort of my home to go to a place where i spend the day alone.

In worse cases when im put under a strain that causes my anxiety to become at its highest i end up either scratching at my skin and cause scars or digging my nails into my skin just to prevent an attack.

This is just me. Another girl suffering the grips of social and general anxiety.

2 Replies

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  • Hey,

    I can totally emphasis with how you're feeling. I am leaving the sixthform now but I stayed an extra year (going to be 19 in July) and I felt very out of place attending when I didn't have any friends to hang around with. I often felt panicky and uncomfortable about being there and it would affected how I would behave in social situations. I used to feel very panicky and over whelmed being there. But I did make friends. And I'm sure you will too and it will become easier.

    Like you, a lot of things kept bothering me about my past and affecting my well being, and distracting me from the here and now.

    It's near the end of the year now and won't be long till the summer holidays, so just get through this half term and have a bit of a rest and gather your thoughts so hopefully you'll be ready next September.

    You're not alone here I promise you. My friend (a member on here), had to drop out of college a couple of weeks ago because her anxiety was so bad, and has reapplied for it next September. I know she is probably feel anxious or uncomfortable about this. But her health had to come first. It might be worth going to see the GP to see if there's anything they can do to help.

    Have you talked to anyone else about this? A friend? Family member? You will feel a lot better telling them because then at least they'll be aware of what's going on and be there to support you. It sounds like a step in the right direction.

    Try to focus what's good in the here and now. I'm sorry you feel like this. Feel free to keep blogging on here - most users find it therapeutic and beneficial to their well being. :)

    I'm here if you ever need any advice, from someone who has been through something similar.

    Take care and wishing you all the best,

    Fay :) xx

  • Hi Nichola,

    If this first part doesn't ring bells, please ignore it :-)

    Sometimes we are brought up to be achievers, our whole life is based around needing to be worthy, and achieving is the way to be........................(so we're told).....................

    Sometimes, this can become so important, we get stressed and anxious, that it makes us struggle to maintain these goals, our studies suffer and in the end, we can't even do the exams for fear of failure.

    Well stuff all that,........lifes about loving, loving ourselves and others, respecting ourselves and others for just who they are warts and all, this is our goal, the studies are just studies, its ok not to be top of the class, in fact its better, as the top achievers burn out very quickly. Just be you. Tell your parents to frigging leave off, and love you for you, just little old you, as thats all you have, and will be.

    We dont need to be perfect, look at the trees in a forest, not one in line, all different shapes and sizes, not one the same as another, yet there still trees and more beautiful for just being a natural, special, real.

    :-)

    As to the doctors, explain how your feeling, and struggling, its so common, in us young ones :-) well I was young once.

    You'll be ok, and dont give up till you get what you need, which probably would be some talking therapy, it does help put things in perspective.

    Bless you

    B

    xxx

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