i have been this way for a while now but i am a VERY private person i don't tell anyone about anything good or bad i also have depression and social phobia i am home educated (which i believe is part of the problem) and i just took a exam (geography) i had been there a week before for another exam (biology) and they were nice and walked me to it, but the geography one went really wrong, to start with i had a really bad feeling which i didn't for the other one (i didn't want my mum to leave me but she wasn't allowed in the school) when i got there they acted like i was really late when i was early they then expected me to walk to the school hall where there was a lady supposed to be waiting for me,they said i knew where it was even when my mum told them i really didn't they just gave me the wrong directions and expected me to walk into a massive playground of kids (something i haven't done since i was 8 i am now 15) by myself to somewhere i couldn't get into and meet someone who was not there (hard for the normal kid let alone someone like me)!!! i started to have a panic attack there was no way i would of been able to make that pointless trip without my mum and she knew that so she stopped one of the teachers and asked her to take me, she did and then when she found out which classroom i had to go to i was the only one there and the papers hadn't even arrived !! clearly i wasn't late grr they made me panic even more for no reson at ALL !!!! then at the last minute they decided to swap the teachers around and the lady HAD NO IDEA, she didnt no what we were meant to be doing(the other guy did) then she handed out all the papers then had to leave the room for literally a second and took them all back even tho we had already filled in our deats then handed them back (there would not of even been time to have a sneaky peek (not that i would've done that i'm not that girl) . now i have a exam in morn and i cant even get in bed cos there was a spider above my bed (my bed is high up) i got my dad and asked him to get it and he went to squish it but knocked it onto my bed instead and then told me that he had got it and pretended to squish it in his hand he is a LIAR he is stroppy mody thinks i should me some sort of unpaid servant for him and my mum (who is not like this by the way) he will put me last in everything me and my opinion don't matter to him he is a jerk i have a exam at 8:50 it now one THANKS A LOT DAD !
i don't feel safe anywhere any more i need help i know but i can't ask for it because they will think that they can fix me themselves when they CAN NOT!! i'm scared about the morn i don't want to be expected to sort myself out again cos i really can't
on the rare occasions i've tried to talk to my family about the hole shyness thing they shouted me down and said i would grow out of it that they'd been thro the same thing and then they told me there worst stories and feelings it was nothing compared to what goes on inside my head , they don't know what i am going thru as i don't bother to tell them things i physically can't tell them my mind goes blank or i prepare what i'm gonna say and then they get angry with me so i cant tell them about how i feel then they don't even know i was gonna tell them something big alls they know is that i messed up again they don't know when i don't feel well or when i am scared and frightened or when i'm tired they just think i am being lazy again then when i tell them i am tired they say "well you should've gone to sleep earlier then shouldn't you" in really nasty sarcastic tones then smirk as if they think what they said was funny i hate my life i hate me