This is how I feel. Like I am taking a tumble down a huge hill, and every time I think I'm going to stop, something happens that makes me realise I am still falling. A feeling that things in my life are getting broken rather than getting fixed. I've had a good couple of weeks, and a very sociable weekend. I felt I was putting my life back in order, and into perspective. But yesterday I started feeling uncomfortable after a chat with my boss at work. I had a panic attack and went to see my doctor straight away who prescribed me something.
I walked to work with the light buzz of the tablet this morning and the dread of facing my colleagues. With a feeling of dread that the depression is going to continue. Things are going to get worse. Sure enough at work I was told that I should take some time off for health reasons - as I am a temp I have effectively being sacked. And so I am still falling.
I know things will not get better on their own and that I will have to work hard. But I feel like I have tried so much, failed, and I am sick of getting up again. Only to perhaps make the same mistakes, and feel the same failure. I now dread what tomorrow will bring.