KIM JUN FAT BUM!

Or whatever his name is has a nice country and people.I am of course talking about N.Korea a programme about which I saw last night,very interesting indeed.Another night of trouble sleeping but it no longer gets me down,it used to but in the grand scheme,its not a biggie.

This site seems quieter at this time which I like because it suggests people are sleeping and getting respite which is good.

As I have previously said,I am feeling better all the time and don't suffer anything like many on here,that is one reason for my change in direction.It seems to me that finally at almost 50 I know what I want,what I really,really want,a ziga,zig,aah!No, but I do,sure,I have plodded on all these years,served in the forces,been wed,kids,divorce,all the usual stuff but kinda felt something was missing,you know,like having an orgasm but not a great one.I want a television orgasm,a pillow biting,neighbour annoying,yes,yes,yes orgasm with fireworks and the best cigarette ever afterwards orgasm!

I want to find myself and I finally know where to look and I believe it is the key to beat this anxiety,being content,something I have never been.Yep,been very happy,my Sons birth,wedding day,decree absolute day,the usual,but never content,well,now is the time,I feel it in my loins!

We all know that our anxiety is in our minds,well,have a good look round in there,have you been content,some of you talk about your troubles and it seems to me that this could be a major factor.Take me,(I wish someone would!),I don't have any relationship worries,job worries,STD's,any worries to cause me anxiety and yet,I get anxious.Finally,I know why,I don't think I know,I know I know,you know.I know because it is not possible to have changed as much as I have in a month,unless something rather amazing has happened and that amazing happening is that I have realised "the way your eyes deceive me,with tender looks that I mistook for love",I have realised my vocation,not job,career,but vocation and with that will come contentment and when you have that,there is no anxiety,I rest my case and the jury is out.

By the time some of you read this I will be in Hospital,I have to have both legs removed,I know,not only that,both arms have to come off also and there is a strong possibility the torso will also be removed,if that is the case,will one of you throw me in the sea and just call me Bob,thanks.

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