so fed up

[Martina777]

Hi all.

I don’t know what to do anymore, I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for many years now, I have been on different meds, had a therapy on nhs ( absolutely NOT good ) wanted to try private but too expensive. I have tried different ways to try to make myself feel more like human, just better. But now I’m at the stage when I’m either so so angry that the smallest thing would set me off, or extremely upset that I don’t want to live anymore. Is there anyone that can tell me something that will give me hope ? Or maybe tried something that helped them to live with this awful awful messed up thing! It can be anything, unconventional methods, or anything as I’m so so depressed that I don’t know how long I can carry on like this

[robin0507]

You are so loved. That is the reminder I try to tell myself. Think of yourself as a big HEART.

I sit down and listen to my thoughts and feelings. I've also had a lot of anger recently which I think is coming from a feeling of dissapointment. I get irritated easily and I used to get like that with work or uncomfortable moments and I also find it hard to get motivated to continue living. It's like I am looking for a purpose..I am currently with no work and may need to step outside my bubble a bit more to release and make space for the new. I also need to write down small moments of joy so I can explore more and go back to those when needed.

Is there anything that will give you power or happiness even for a short moment?

[Martina777 in reply to robin0507]

thank you for your respond.

I have a days when I say this to myself that I’m loved and blessed, but I feel like I have those little demons in my head trying to convince me otherwise. ( they are doing good job at that btw )

I have my animals that keep me sane and I love them more than anything on the world and I know without them I wouldn’t be here. So they are my happiness and joy, but even with them sometimes is hard to believe that I am worthy.

I struggle with people a lot, I think world has changed so drastically I’m a bad way and so many people are just awful

[Butterfly123456454]

I understand. I’m in the same boat. I just wish someone would understand or help me and listen to me.