Anxiety with family*trigger warning*

[tilly2006]

I am having a hard time with anxiety. I have been trying to be there for a person in my family who is having a very hard time with her own anxiety, depression and issues. I try to listen to her. It makes me anxious to listen to her sometimes. I have suggested she get professional help many times. She refuses. She has medication but she won't take it. She says she doesn't like the way she feels when she's on medication. She says she only wants to talk to me about her issues. The problem is listening and seeing how she reacts to her issues is having an effect on me. Other family members have turned away from her. I know what it feels like to have anxiety and depression. I have been hospitalized a couple times because of it. Talking about it most days is starting to bring me back to where i was a few years ago. I divorced an emotionally abusive husband. It took its toll on me at the time, yet i'm better off living alone now. I want to be there for her but i also don't want the depression/anxiety to start taking over me also. She has a husband who is verbally/emotionally abusive to her. She wants to get a divorce yet she doesn't. She says one thing yet does the complete opposite. Do i continue listening to her or remind her she needs professional help? What if she doesn't get help? What if she does something in the spur of the moment? I am by no means capable of helping her like a professional could. She gets very irrational and angry at times. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

[Irishisme]

I think you should be honest and say you realize she needs someone but you aren’t qualified to be the one that can help her. I’d also add that because of your past some of your discussions can be triggering for you. If she is a friend she will understand. You cannot fix everyone but u can prevent yourself from backsliding after all the progress you’ve made. Some people are extremely draining and they also revel in the misery they’re experiencing. I’m not saying that is your friend but I have experienced this and had to cut myself off from someone that was that way. Also whatever your friend does will not be because of you. It will be her choice.

[hypercat54]

I agree with Irishisme. I think its admirable you are helping her like this so well done to you.

However you must never let anyone drag you down past your breaking point, no matter who they are or how much you care. You would be no good to anyone least of all yourself if you do.

I would tell her that you are going to have to bow out. You could make it a condition though that unless she starts taking her meds and/or goes to therapy then there is nothing you can do. She has to help herself too.

Good luck.

[bxgirlmom]

I’m currently on a “break” from certain family/friends that I felt were draining to me. I’m a huge believer in humans transferring energy upon another. She only wants to talk to you about her problems/issues, ok fine, but after she’s done dumping on you does she say “Ok enough about me , how are you?”

If not, then it may not be in your best interest to be engaged too frequently. I noticed a lot of ppl in my life always want to come to me because I’m such a “good listener” or I’m the “reliable friend” but when I had a breakdown 2 weeks ago everyone was so shocked. They didn’t know I was struggling so badly and never bothered to ask.

That’s my experience; but just saying protect your peace and energy !! It’s ok to put up boundaries. xo

[Midori]

Tell her to come here for help if she doesn't want to go the regular way. It would probably help to ease the strain on you. You can remain anonymous. You don't have to reply to her here, unless she knows your user name.

Cheers, Midori