anyone else can’t stand the “wait and see” of life?

[Metal13]

I posted earlier this week but feel so overwhelmed today I decided to again. I starting talking to a therapist but it’s hard to get an appointment and I feel like I need to talk to someone all the time. I decided about 3 months ago to find a new job. I hate change. I have been in my currrent job for 8 years. Some policy changes have made me want to leave. I am awaiting a job offer letter from a company and my anxiety is skyrocketing. I don’t even know if they are going to offer me enough money for me to take but I am immediately scared of making the wrong decision and leaving my current job. I posted last time about how my wife doesn’t know if she wants to be with me anymore because I was cruel to her emotionally because I let my anxiety control my life. I’m trying to make changes to be the man she fell in love with but now I feel like I am having to “wait and see” what happens with my marriage, my job, my health. It’s just all so overwhelming. I am in constant chest pain and I starting using the serial 7’s technique where u subtract 7 from a number to occupy ur mind but the problem is time I stop subtracting all the fears come back again. I am tired of this endless cycle of despair but feel like I have no choice but to “wait and see” what happens.

[LoveforAll41]

Hi Metal, I am sorry that you have so much going on. The chest pain is a symptom of the anxiety?

You are definitely not alone. The whole serenity prayer that countless groups cite and recite asks for the courage to change what we can and serenity to accept what we cannot. The waiting we cannot change. I want to get a degree to hopefully increase my income and purchase a home... but that will take time. I cannot change that.

Sadly, the only constant in life is change, job changes are scary for me though. I try to find comfort in thinking that if I crap out in my current job I could work two jobs full time and at least provide for my family... though that would probably be miserable.

Is this your first experience with therapy? I think that is where the real work is done.

[Metal13 in reply to LoveforAll41]

Thanks for your understanding. It isn’t my first experience with therapy. It didn’t help me before but maybe it was because I didn’t want to change at the time. I went to the doctor about my chest pains and they checked my lungs and it’s all clear. Think it’s just constant panic attacks.

[LoveforAll41 in reply to Metal13]

I am glad it isn't physical at least. Sometimes I wish it was. I went back and read your other post. The waiting is really hard when it involves others too. Remember that whatever does happen you are never a failure as long as you keep trying.