I get so tired of being the one to invite people to get together. I once looked back over my calendar and counted up the number of times “I” was invited for coffee or anything and it was like 3 times!! The rest was all at “my invitation”. Anyone else relate.
How do you attract friendships that take a genuine interest in you as a true friend?
I’m no expert but I’m starting to make friends through events that I am first and foremost interested in. I noticed a big difference when I ask questions about something they said. I used to express commonality but people want to talk about themselves. Take that with a grain of salt. Maybe you do that already. I keep busy via classes and events but I also spend a lot of time alone. I get weary if I’m around others too much. I am not great at following up. Trying to work out why that is.
True-most people do love to talk about themselves. I am great at asking open ended questions and getting conversations going, but when I stop, they tend to not use common courtesy to ask questions of me. I swear, some people need to learn social skills. 🤪
I’m an introvert and I do appreciate my alone time, but not while feeling depressed.
I’m currently checking into counseling.
being someone who doesn’t naturally ask questions I can assure you it is not intentional. I bet it has gotten worse because when you spend time alone… like working remotely you tend to be more in your own head and fail to do things like that. The other day I saw an interview with Jane Fonda who is very outspoken and Sally field who in her own words hates people. They are very good friends. Jane said she just doesn’t give up. She just keeps reaching out. I can’t think of anyone more self confident though.
Hi Tuscan86Sky.
I don't have any friends (my choice) that I could invite anywhere, but I am ALWAYS the one who reaches out to my family, as they are the only ones in my life (beside 1 friend who isn't so nice to me at times).
I text my brother (not often BC we don't have a close relationship-we get along well, but he has his own life w/ his family), and it takes a couple days for him to txt me back. That is fine, but there is no initial contact from him.
I used to reach out to my sister (again not often)-she lives out of state and we don't talk much. I stopped texting her, BC she never texted me, and I had had enough w/ that. Seems to me, that she doesn't care.
I see my dad about twice a yr, and I'm the one who reaches out to him first if I want to see him more. We never see each other, other than birthdays and Xmas. (Our birthdays are only a few days apart so we celebrate both at once.) One of us will contact the other in this case. He is "always busy", so it's hard for us to get together. So he says.
If I didn't reach out to my family, I would hardly hear from them other than when they call my mom, which isn't often either. (I live w/ my mom now, due to circumstances I could not control.)
I would love to be closer, emotionally, to them, and have them contact me, but it doesn't/won't happen. It would feel nice to feel cared about, especially from family. 😞
So, yes, I can relate to your situation. I know it sucks and is hurtful, but maybe you can tell your friends how you are feeling about this. They might not be aware that this is going on. They might think "hey, we're getting together", but might not be paying attention to who is doing the inviting.
I am sorry you are feeling bad. I hope things change for you.
Best wishes. xx
thank you for sharing your story. You are probably right that the people in my life probably are unaware….
Good news though! Last night I WAS invited out for dinner by an acquaintance after I texted and asked how she was doing.😁
Sorry to hear you situation with family. Maybe you need to do the same, let them know how it makes you feel.
I have a sister-in-law who never reaches out. I specifically asked her to call me at the end of December and I am still waiting…. But if I were to bring it up I would just hear “I am just SO busy.” Or when I have mentioned that my feelings are hurt, she just says “sorry you feel that way”. Never occurs to her to apologize.
I think depression clouds how we actually see a lot of things. But I also think some people aren’t worth giving our emotional energy to, you know?
I can relate. I think people are so busy and coping with their own lives. It dosent mean that they arent glad to hear from you or take an interest in you, i know it feels like pulling teeth sometimes. Alot of people struggle with their own issues and they arent as comfortable as you making the effort to get out and connect. I tell myself that i have to make the effort for myself even if others dont always respond the way i want, its important for me and my sanity to stay connected
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