Lately - I’ve been battling severe depression and anxiety. I live in a city where I’m afraid to go out because I don’t want to get shot - it prevents me from walking (which is something that relaxes me) My mom always talks about my weight - she told me yesterday that - ‘All of the weight he’s (my husband) dropping - you’re picking up.’ It made me hysterical I guess. Because I’ve always battled with my weight. I’ve been too skinny - too big - too this too that. At my ideal weight - my b/f at the time called me a fat B. Told me the others girls in the gym that are my age look better. He was abusive - verbally and physically. I guess I didn’t realize how much it affected me as a person. I tried committing suicide in 2014 by cutting myself. It’s just been a journey with things I’ve gone through. I’m 33 - but I feel like I’ve done nothing with my life. I want to lose weight - learn a new language - travel the world but I always think I can’t do it. Then my anxiety hits and I have panic attacks. My husband is very supportive - he is the reason why I’m here 🙂 I’m sorry for the long message.
I am new here - sorry if I don’t know... - Anxiety and Depre...
I am new here - sorry if I don’t know what to do exactly
Glad you have a supportive husband. Your Mom was totally out of order saying such an abusive , awful thing to you. I would darn well be hysterical too!
I can sympathise with your weight issues. Mine has crept up since I've lost the energy and motivation to walk daily.
I’m happy I have a supportive husband. He really helps me through the hard times. I was so upset with what my mom said - I cried all the way home and had a mental breakdown. I just wanted to kill myself at that point because I just felt worthless. She’s always talked about my weight and body shames. I don’t like that. I would never do that to her. I really want to get back to walking - do you have any advice on motivation? I try to eat healthier as well!
It hard to believe a mother would be that way to her own daughter. A good mother would love and support no matter what . To make you feel bad about your weight is not the kind of support you need she is the one I feel sorry for.
Exactly! I love my mom but the things she says at times - really hurts. I’ve told her before that talking or being ‘funny’ about my weight - isn’t okay. But she doesn’t get it. And I thought she would be the person that did - because she has been larger at one point in her life. Someone called her a ‘good year blimp’ at work - came home crying about it. I comforted her and made sure she was okay. She started losing weight for her as well as her high blood pressure and cholesterol.
I supported her through it all and then turns around and tells me that. I weigh 175 and I’m 5’5. My chest makes my stomach look bigger tbh. I can lose some weight in my stomach and thighs - which is what I’ve been trying to do but my goal is 145. She’s never really been encouraging and if she has - it will be ‘you look like you’re losing weight.’ Then the next week she will say ‘look like you’re packing on a few pounds.’ Like which one is it? Because that is very emotional.
Hi Candids. Welcome! I have one silly little thing I use for motivation. You'll probably laugh, but it works for me. I found a nice picture online, and opened it with my computer in "Paint". I added some text to prompt me about things I'm having trouble with. Last, I added it to my screensaver. Every time the screensaver comes up, Dr. Duck reminds me to be good to myself.
Bet you could do the same thing for yourself, just change the words to say what you need to hear!
I love this actually! This is so cute but yet - so helpful. I forget to do these things - I think this is very helpful and I appreciate you sharing this with me. I will definitely do this - I’ll put it as my screensaver and on my bathroom mirror. As a simple reminder ❤️
I love your idea! I'm going to put it on my bathroom mirror too.
I 'm finding motivation tough myself at the moment. Maybe write what you want to do down as a task. Perhaps do exercise with your husband.
You know - I looked at YouTube yesterday and typed in daily affirmations and it actually helped me this more. Just laying in bed - listening to the words and it actually helped me today. I felt more happier - a little confident. Maybe you should try that. I also like the idea of working out with my husband. Maybe we can go for a little walk together - so I don’t feel alone or scared.
Like you, I am also fearful of walking. For 2 reasons: 1. It is too hot for my medications and 2: fear of being "shot" or otherwise picked on like you said. Have you considered walking at a mall or store? I would do that but don't have a car or any other way to get there. Sometimes I walk here inside my apartment but I feel like a hamster running on his wheel lol. Anyway, I hope you find as much support as I am finding here. There are a lot of good people who care about each other here. Wishing you the best.
I actually haven’t thought about walking in my apartment. I think I would like that more lol. I can definitely understand how that can make you feel that way. I will try to walk around my apartment and see if that helps more. I just don’t like going out - have so much anxiety driving and walking. The city is dangerous. I appreciate that and I thank you for the kind words! I’m definitely seeing that there are a lot of good people who care. I wish you the best as well!
I used to walk around ny apartment complex, but then got an exercise bike that i love. I can listen to music or watch TV while on it. Try that, maybe? A treadmill was kind of expensive, but i got a cheaper stationary exercise bike & i have loved it.
Speaking of a hamster wheel... Things can go wrong there too. 😱 🤣
Thank you! I appreciate that! It helps to see a community of people that go through the similar things.
"My husband is very supportive"
Welcome. 
Good to hear that your husband is supportive.
This community here is also supportive.
Thank you! I appreciate that! And I am excited to experience this community.
You are welcome. Here we help each other get through our difficulties.
As per your weight issue, please don't bother yourself about it. You are special the way you are. And, one thing that gladdens me besides others is that your husband cherishes. With due respect to your mom, she is not your husband. Let this reality be a strength to you each day.
And, Candids, please don't ever feel. hopeless in any difficulty you may encounter, if you reminisce on your life history so far, you will see ma y dark days that have come but they have come to pass. Therefore, I say keep hope alive.
Please keep being careful in your area due to the insecurity you mentioned. Some apps guide you ok indoor exercises. I think they can be of some help to you.
Never forget you are special. And, that is why we are taking out the time tonreply your messages. Thanks for sayring.
❤️❤️❤️ Thank you so much - this made me feel really special and very important. I will definitely keep that in my mind - I love my husband and he is always rooting for me. That is something I love. I will look at different apps for indoor exercises and to keep away from crime. I appreciate your kind words - it really helps.
Welcome! There are a lot of cool people here, maybe they can help you like your great husband does 😁
Keep striving for your goals! Try to judge yourself less harshly along the way, could it hurt? You've found a good place for support
I love it here so far - people have been extremely nice and supportive and I really appreciate it. I am so hard on myself - with my appearance - work - just everything. But I will try - May not happen overnight but I will definitely try to judge myself less and cherish and love my body and look more so on the bright side - a little more ❤️
Hi There and Welcome.
All of us have or have had anxiety and depression at some time. We are all at different stages in our recoveries.
Don't make changes to please other people; Make them to please yourself.
Glad you kicked the B/F to the curb, you don't need one like that when you have confidence issues.
How often do folk get shot where you live? It's another thing your anxiety might be inflating, but you need to feel the fear and do it anyway, That, or get a permit yourself, then take a course at a gun club.
My country doesn't have a gun culture, except for some of the highest earners, who enjoy blasting defenceless game birds in the name of 'Sport'.
Ultimately, the choice comes down to, Do you want to stay indoors the rest of your life in fear of bullets? Equally, can you stand to be constantly picked on by family and friends for weight gain?
It would seem to be an either/or thing. I personally think the risk of shooting if you don't go out at night would be decreased, and if you keep near the streets where there are plenty of folk, I would think you'd be OK.
Cheers, Midori
I’m glad I did too - he was very toxic and I just didn’t need that in my life. I needed love and support - not to be degraded.
People are shot here a lot - unfortunately, I live in a nice area but sometimes - we have robberies or carjackings because it is a nice area. Outside of our area - we’ve had 3 mass shootings yesterday in two different areas across the city. A mass shooting is normal here - 3 or more people are shot in groups almost everyday. And there’s always a person shot everyday. They call it ‘Chiraq.’ I am looking to move in a year. I have a contract in the works for a business in California.
And that is the thing - I think it’s just here. Where I feel unsafe. Because when so traveled to California - I was able to walk - eat and then walk the food off - didn’t have any anxiety or depression. I think my anxiety stems from being here and always living in fear.
But I will try to start going out little by little. Maybe sit on the porch during the day or early mornings. Just to start to get a normal routine in. Thank you so much for the advice ❤️
That's the way, you do need to keep yourself fairly fit, so a short walk each day will help to keep both the muscles and the bones strong, especially when you get a little older as osteoporisis starts around menopause time. Or could you get to a gym or a Tai Chi class of something? I like Tai Chi, it's very slow and constantly moving but low impact exercise.
A vitamin C tablet and a Vitamin D tablet will also help to keep the bones good and strong too, especially if you can't get around too much (sorry, I'm a retired nurse and I've seen some horrific things where folk have just given up.)
Cheers, Midori
Hello Candids, welcome to the group. One of the things you might find helpful is looking at low-self-worth and setting and keeping boundaries especially when it comes to the relationship with your mother and yourself. Your mother is projecting her own low-self-worth on you. You may need to do some tough-love in order to protect yourself and heal and get on with your life. Understanding your attachment style with your mother and the dynamics involved can help you. There is a lot of good info on youtube about this.
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