Does anyone do this?: I not sure how to... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Does anyone do this?

Tigerlilly7 profile image
48 Replies

I not sure how to explain this ?

I realised because I don’t think anyone cares about me or likes me , I can hurt peoples feelings with out knowing.

I don’t think they care about me so I don’t think they would be bothered.

I can’t give an example and it’s hard to explain but I’m wondering if anyone else feels like this?

when a person then feels hurt I am shocked

And do not beleive it really

I wish I could give an example

48 Replies
Starrlight profile image
Starrlight

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Gigantic hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

EndUser13 profile image
EndUser13

Vaguely... it sounds like the typical sort of way a person who is oversensitive may be. That's not an insult, most people with an anxiety or depression disorder tend to be more sensitive individuals (hence feeling something so more powerfully).

In our modern lives where we can so easily be connected and so often people can't even bother with good manners, I'm not surprised you'd feel this way.

Its still worthwhile to reach out, you won't find good folks who you know care if you don't keep trying

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to EndUser13

Hi

How you?

I do feel I am a over sensitive person.

I have been told all my life I’m too sensitive!

I guess over the years I have suppressed my feelings as not to want to show them.

I’m not sure anymore when to have or not to have feelings in case I seem crazy

VaguelyHere profile image
VaguelyHere in reply to Tigerlilly7

It is possible that you may not be *over* sensitive, but that you experience intense responses to stimuli that are difficult to mentally navigate, or regulate.

I have felt somewhat similar in the past. It was often partly caused by a difficulty in making an internal assessment of my emotions. Everything always felt very intense, so it was hard to untangle the different emotions, and find ways to reduce the sensation of being overwhelmed.

You are not alone in your experiences and difficulties (though they will be unique to you and your circumstances).

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to VaguelyHere

I think so yes, I have been told I am intense and I do struggle in knowing what I feel and if I’m normal to be feeling the way I do

VaguelyHere profile image
VaguelyHere in reply to Tigerlilly7

Sometimes it helps if I can identify what emotion I am feeling, and then try to figure out what the cause of that situation might be

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to VaguelyHere

Someone mentioned recently about an emotional wheel, I have looked at this and found this interesting. I know I feel things sometimes when other people would not have a feeling about it

This makes me feel like I shouldn’t have feelings

I do find it hard to deal with feelings and pretend I don’t have any instead

So I come across as cold to people

Midori profile image
Midori in reply to Tigerlilly7

As do I, unfortunately. because I try to take a lot of care of how I say things, they can appear less than kind, even cold.

Cheers, Midori

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to Midori

Sometimes it’s better to hear the truth.Tbh I would rather have a straight talking person like yourself than someone who doesn’t say it how it is.

At least I know where I am with straight talking people.

Nothing_but-pain profile image
Nothing_but-pain in reply to Tigerlilly7

I hate the words "too sensitive". They have been used on me forever, and they're crap.

A Clydesdale is not too sensitive. He doesn't win any races though.

If you mistreat an Arabian steed, you've got trouble, not a winner.

Why aren't they called "too sensitive"?

I think it's plain that if your racing horse has been mistreated and has problems, it's not his fault. You gentle him, not blame him.

Maybe we are just the right amount of sensitive -- more artistic, more aware.

Maybe the part that isn't functional is from abuse, just like the horse.

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to Nothing_but-pain

I’m not sure why I’m sensitive and I try to hide it but I don’t think I’m good at hiding it. Sometimes I feel it’s a good cop out for people to blame their actions on me reacting to sensitive . I do wonder if I’m being has lighted or am I over reacting

Nothing_but-pain profile image
Nothing_but-pain in reply to Tigerlilly7

I understand. I never know if I'm being lied to when I know I'm being abused and I'm told it's my imagination. Lied to, or does the person not know how horrific their behavior is?

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to Nothing_but-pain

I do question myself, my thoughts , is it me thinking negative or is it fact?I have had many issues with this.

I need advice myself how can we tell if our thoughts on this occasion are true?

When other times they are wrong negative thoughts?

I have been told to try to listen to your gut instinct and not the thoughts.

It’s hard to do sometimes

Nothing_but-pain profile image
Nothing_but-pain in reply to Tigerlilly7

I experience everything you've described.

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to Nothing_but-pain

It’s difficult to know what’s in our heads sometimes, but try to recognise when you are being badly done to. Do not put up with being treated badly. Maybe next time you feel you being badly treated you could try to talk to someone not involved in your situation that can offer good advice.!

Nothing_but-pain profile image
Nothing_but-pain in reply to Tigerlilly7

"Do not put up with being treated badly."

I don't feel as though I have a choice. I did once in the long ago and far away. Things change.

Scarlett28 profile image
Scarlett28

I can’t emphasize enough how much I can relate. I have been told by a counselor that I have low self esteem. I hate saying it or believing it because it sounds so weak. It triggers my social anxiety. Do you have friends? I used to but stopped talking to everyone and isolated I guess because I was tired of hearing so much negativity. It was peaceful at first but now I’m lonely. It is more difficult for me to open up to people because I figure it’s fuel for their fire to roast me later. I try to tell myself it’s not any of my business what others think or say about me, sometimes it works. I also repeat to myself I’m going to be ok, this too shall pass.

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to Scarlett28

If it was that easy just to go to things/socialise and make friends!Social anxiety stops us from interacting with people even though we want to!

People who don’t suffer with this I feel don’t understand how difficult it is.

Scarlett28 profile image
Scarlett28 in reply to Tigerlilly7

Totally agree 💯. It hurts when others make it sound so easy, “ just get out there & join a club or something”. I can barely find the right words to talk to my family. I work in retail & am ok talking briefly with customers because I know I don’t have to make any deep connection with them. How about you? Is it the deeper connections you fear?

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to Scarlett28

I not sure what it is really but I don’t want people to get to know me. I worry about what I said to them and what they think of me. If I’ve upset them ect

I don’t know what to talk about

MaggieSylvie profile image
MaggieSylvie in reply to Tigerlilly7

I can relate to this but I still go and meet one of my friends occasionally. I often find that they do most of the talking, and that includes asking questions. You don't have to "hold court". If someone says to you that you are very quiet, just say what you feel - "I don't know what to say", "Yes, I'm in a quiet frame of mind today - well, most of the time actually." This can lead to a conversation about how we exit Covid. Of course, we have different problems now and they will spark conversations. If your friend is always welcoming, you don't have to worry about what they think of you. It's more about what you both think of things outside of you. Smiles and hugs go a very long way to overcoming your problems.😊

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to MaggieSylvie

Good for you, i do think friendship is a two way road , you do your part by meeting and you obviously are a good listener 😊

MaggieSylvie profile image
MaggieSylvie in reply to Tigerlilly7

Thank you. I do have some friends that talk a lot!

puppyplaytime profile image
puppyplaytime

I think I know what you mean....For example, you might reason: why would someone be hurt by me ignoring their party invite if I think they don't care whether I show up or not?

Assuming that's the general idea, I would suggest erring on the side of assuming they do care, not because they necessarily do, but just because being extra polite doesn't cost you anything, and you never know which bridges you don't want to burn...And if you do occasionally blow someone off by accident or forgetting, you have a reputation for being polite and gracious most of the time.

Honestly, I'd never want to hurt someone unnecessarily just by assuming they think I'm invisible or insignificant. If they do think that, it's on them, but at least I did the right thing either way.

Of course, there are plenty of caveats regarding toxic people, narcissists, etc., who may deliberately feign being hurt just to make you feel bad. For that, you just have to know some people's patterns, but when in doubt, err on being sensitive and polite.

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to puppyplaytime

Yes exactly things like that.I don’t think they will be bothered if I turn up, call them, message them ect

Tara52 profile image
Tara52

You are not responsible for others feelings. I do believe in being kind to everyone but everyone has their own personal issues and we can't be responsible for everyone's feelings.

Ryanlion profile image
Ryanlion

I had a friend who had a son who upset people and didnt understand why. He had aspergers syndrome, might be worth looking it up.

Catgirl123 profile image
Catgirl123

I think I know what you mean. I used to feel almost invisible to people, as if I were so insignificant they wouldn’t even remember meeting me. So it felt like I could say or do anything because my words wouldn’t make an impact on them. One day a friend told me that my words do hurt her very much. I really had no idea that I mattered at all. I was shocked that I made any kind of impact!

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to Catgirl123

Yes this is the problem I’m finding with myself. Because I don’t feel enough for anyone or that they care . I really can’t believe anyone does. This causes me to avoid friendship and lack trust in my bf. It all goes back to me

Catgirl123 profile image
Catgirl123 in reply to Tigerlilly7

Sounds like it all goes back to trauma. ❤️

Midori profile image
Midori

In a word, Yes, it is possible to hurt people without knowing.

Cheers, Midori

Nothing_but-pain profile image
Nothing_but-pain in reply to Midori

I needed to hear this. I don't know if I'm being lied to when I'm told it's my imagination I'm being abused.

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to Nothing_but-pain

I’m sorry to hear this, do you feel your being abused?

Nothing_but-pain profile image
Nothing_but-pain in reply to Tigerlilly7

I know I have been and am.

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to Nothing_but-pain

Please know you don’t deserve to be and get help. X

Nothing_but-pain profile image
Nothing_but-pain in reply to Tigerlilly7

Thank you. It's very confusing to accept it, and think badly of yourself for not being able to find an alternative. It's a long sad story.

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to Nothing_but-pain

Don’t suffer in silence, you can always message me with f you need to rant

Nothing_but-pain profile image
Nothing_but-pain in reply to Tigerlilly7

Thank you! It's very hard for me to reach out. I've been trained to associate talking about my feelings with being rejected. (Or worse.)

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to Nothing_but-pain

Yes I understand, i don’t talk about my feelings. Keep my walls high!Stops rejection but also stops connection. I need to get close but can’t.

Nothing_but-pain profile image
Nothing_but-pain in reply to Tigerlilly7

It's a nasty duality, isn't it?

Nothing_but-pain profile image
Nothing_but-pain in reply to Tigerlilly7

I thought you were new on our site. I don't remember seeing you before. I just checked. Maybe it's my memory.

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to Nothing_but-pain

Hi

I have been here before but I been on here much more lately due to struggling I guess, here I find people are very friendly and have good advice.

I find it’s helping my mental health.

Touch wood lol

Nothing_but-pain profile image
Nothing_but-pain in reply to Tigerlilly7

It's nice to have our forum to go to for support and sometimes good advice too.

Touch wood.

Stippler profile image
Stippler

I think I have similar things happen in my friendships. I love joking around - it seems to help with my anxiety, but it also doesn't because I leave thinking I offended the other person. It also happens when I am trying to help somebody. It all seems to turn into a major train wreck in a big hurry. Overall, I have a difficult time figuring out what other people are thinking. I was raised in a physically abusive family and have a PTSD diagnosis from it. Somebody smiles, but not in the way I expected them to and it scares me. I have several very good friends but never want to meet new people or get into any romantic relationships. I sometimes feel "ruined" by my past. Anyway, it is difficult because I never know what the other person is thinking or what is expected of me. I know this does not help much, other than maybe for you to know you are not alone.

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to Stippler

Thank you for sharingI constantly try to guess and be a mind reader about what the other person thinks!

I will not ask them but come up with a million bad things by myself!

Like you I find it hard to talk to new people

But feel lonely

Midori profile image
Midori

Reading the whole thread again throws up something. You are sensitive, so you worry, then you begin to worry about worrying, and you end up in a heap with all the worrying!

I call it a feedback loop. Just as some older video games can get into a Logic loop and be unable to break free of it.

I can relate to that, I have been there, but I am a grumpy old battleaxe, and sometimes one needs to put aside the feelings of others, and think of YOU.

Yes, folk can be unkind, often without meaning to, and by the time they have walked a block they have totally forgotten about you. I have realised this over the years, and it helps to know you were just a passing thought for them. Are they important to you? do you know them? Then their opinion of you isn't worth an insects cough!

It's hard to pick up and put yourself out there, I know, but You need to make that first step (scary), then another (nothing bad has happened) and another, (Yay! I can totally do this!). Try taking yourself to a coffee shop and just people watch; they aren't as sure of themselves as they might seem either.. You don't have to stay long, just long enough for your coffee and muffin, and you can come away with some insights, and a feeling of accomplishment. The first step is always the hardest.

Good luck! , Cheers, Midori

Tigerlilly7 profile image
Tigerlilly7 in reply to Midori

Hello

How are you?

Thank you that’s gave me another way to look at the situation and try to do what’s best for oneself.

Midori profile image
Midori

You're welcome.

Cheers, Midori.

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