Your fatigue and frustration is palpable. I hope you can find some help and relief through your doctor. I also hope you can take comfort in the fact that you're trying to find a way through this period of difficulty. You will come out of it. It's going to end. Chances are it will go away without you needing to do anything either. It always strikes me at how strong the low feelings get when you concentrate on them. Once you accept that they are present but that they will go away, they start to lose their power. I find that doing something, anything, that is part of a normal day helps move oneself through the low feelings. Just putting some clothes away or cleaning a few dishes or taking a walk or watering a plant...anything simple, but also part of the normal process of living, turns one's attention towards moving forward with life instead of getting stuck in one place.
I'm finding that accomplishing small things sets me (or my loved ones) on a positive emotional path. I just paid a bill and scheduled a doctor appointment. I was able to take a nice deep breath and say to myself "At least I got that done." It was a small positive but it felt great.
I'm so sorry you are feeling that way. Please make sure your doctor knows the urgency of your situation...maybe he or she can fit you in sooner. Sometimes it takes a little time to find the right combination of meds that will work. This was the case for me. Keep reaching out for help and know that we are here anytime you need to vent.
I totally get this. Sometimes I feel like my depression comes down like a sledgehammer. I hope you get some relief soon. When my depression is bad, I feel the same - I just want it to end. I agree with what someone said above about small things making a difference. Also, please be kind to yourself when your depression is this bad. It's difficult at times, but I just keep telling myself not to be hard on myself on those days when I can't get much done. I have an illness and I am sick today.
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