Social anxiety

[Majimbuu]

I just want to be normal, but being normal means fitting in. I don’t know where I fit in. People think I’m stuck up or “bitchy” because I don’t speak or say much unless you talk to me first. I physically can’t speak and I feel like I’m frozen with fear to even say anything. I can’t socialize or talk to others. Even when someone starts to talk to me it’s hard for me to keep up a conversation. I just want to make friends but it’s nearly impossible for me! I need help but everything costs so much money and I feel so helpless at times.

[puppyplaytime]

I used to get that all the time when I was younger....people saying I was a snob when they didn't even know me, and when they were the ones excluding me from their cliques.

I'd say it's part of the price of being an introvert, unfortunately. The world is ruled by extroverts. The good news is that there are tons of resources for introverts. If you haven't discovered Susan Cain yet, you will find a huge wealth of inspiration and understanding.

[Majimbuu in reply to puppyplaytime]

Thank you for responding. I will definitely check her out! It can be so lonely hearing everyone laugh around you and carrying on with conversation that most people join in on, and me just being there trapped in my box like a mime. Especially when people view you as “pretty” people just assume you think your better than everyone else and don’t want to speak but deep down it’s just me suffering, trying to hold a straight face so I don’t break down crying.

[Littlemissnurse in reply to Majimbuu]

I have never related to anything so much. This is literally how i feel like too, being stuck in a box like a mime and watching everyone else around you laughing and enjoying conversations with anyone and making it look so easy when for us its like the hardest thing to do.

[Majimbuu in reply to Littlemissnurse]

There’s this really cute song called Affection by The Modern Lovers I think you’d like it! 🤗

[Bentleybexley39]

I totally understand that feeling. I basically isolate myself just to avoid the social anxiety. But I want friends, I want a support system…. But putting myself out there; holds me back.

[Majimbuu in reply to Bentleybexley39]

I wish everyone who felt like us could be friends, but even then would we be able to open up 😭

[blue-green-purple in reply to Majimbuu]

I think I would be much more comfortable around people if I knew they were just as socially anxious as I am. It would be so much easier than thinking most people are confident & secure and I'm the one with the problem.

I've watched people that I know start conversations with total strangers and by the end of it, they are exchanging contact info & becoming friends. And I sit there thinking, " What the heck? How did they just do that so easily? What were they even talking about--they're total strangers!"

My ice breaker would be, "Hi! I feel totally out of place & insecure & I'm thinking about running away from here. How you doing?" If only I had the guts to try it sometime, lol.

[Majimbuu in reply to blue-green-purple]

It’s funny because everything you just said makes total sense to me. But then there’s also the fear of even opening up to being able to say all that. I would love to just be able to tell people how uncomfortable I feel to kinda break that ice but then it’s always the stigma like oh crap did I just scare you away with my insecurities. I wish I had those skills to be able to approach others!

[san_ray70 in reply to blue-green-purple]

You don't say how old you are, I was like this until I had children. When you have children you make friends with other mothers. Go to church clubs or what ever you can meet people at. I was very shy when I was young, it makes it harder to make friends. My mum used to push me to go out with her friend children. Now I am older I find it easier if I know people, but I can talk to strangers. Strangers do become friends, I have made a few over the years. Good luck, keep trying.

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Majimbuu]

slowly, I would think, and very carefully. But yes ...

[Ashleytaylor in reply to Majimbuu]

That is an excellent idea

[blue-green-purple]

Oh gosh, I get it. Just had basically this same conversation with my therapist recently. Being an introvert, socially anxious and a mix of other issues leaves me very isolated and lonely. I want to fit in and make friends but I don't even know how to begin to overcome the fear (rejection, abandonment etc.)

Wish I knew what to tell you. It's really hard but try to join groups, activities, sports, classes anything to be around people then try to remember that they may be just as insecure as you/we are.

Remember that most people are really only thinking about themselves anyway. Try and learn to laugh at yourself. I say things like, "I don't know why I just did that/ said that (laughing). I'm so silly sometimes!" That way people are laughing WITH me and not AT me. Maybe it will break the ice and put people at ease. Everyone loves to laugh, right? Take care.

[Majimbuu in reply to blue-green-purple]

It’s like some days it gets better and you try so hard to get out of your comfort zone and then the next day it’s like taking 10 steps back and going back to isolation again. It feels so good to know that I’m not alone though. Everyone on here has been so sweet and helpful.

[Hidden]

Oh my, I am the same way! In fact, I talk really fast and I’m very blunt due to my social anxiety and hating to hear my own voice. People take it the wrong way constantly like I’m too good for them when, in reality, it is my own fears and insecurities causing the behavior. When in group settings and folks are laughing and chatting, I feel completely left out because I’m really disinterested in meaningless chatter. I try to play the part and laugh here and there, many times off cue LOL, but I try. Then, afterwards, I am exhausted.

It seems difficult to meet others like us out in the world because they are hiding just like we are. We all need to rise up and fight together! I’m so glad I found this group recently as it really does help. It may just give us the courage we need to take the next steps on our social and inward journeys!

Just know you are not alone. There are many others similar to you out there and we are all struggling with similar thoughts and emotions. We all want reprieve and we must keep trying our best to get there. Love thyself! Be strong! We are here for each other!

At the end of the day, and as already stated, people are so caught up in themselves that you are barely a blip on their radar. Some of us tend to focus way too much on how others think about us. When, in reality, why does it matter. As long as we love ourselves, everything else falls into place! I’m trying my hardest to live with this mindset and it is a struggle every day, but baby steps are still steps. Be well!

[Littlemissnurse in reply to Hidden]

I enjoyed reading this reply. It really reminds me that i am not alone and there are a lot of people out there struggling with the same social anxiety as i am.

[Majimbuu in reply to Littlemissnurse]

It’s like all we need in the world is for people to be a little more patient and kind. Being so sensitive, social anxiety is so crippling for people like us and I wish people just could understand us better and not make judgments about us for being the way we are when we literally can’t help it.

[Majimbuu in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, it is something that I need to work on. I know that most people are so caught up in their own world and I’m literally just torturing myself for no reason. I am grateful to not be alone in this world with these weird feelings and complications. It really makes a difference to be heard and understand by everyone here. I appreciate this so much!

[Hidden]

one way is to go volunteer at food banks or retirement centers ...get ur confidence in talking to people.......waitresses bloom as well with al l their mileage scared at first..lord knows i was scared when i first started teaching....now u cant shut me up........i know.... i know....easy for me to say...but tons of older people dying for a visitor or frined or buddy...soemeon to talk too....they prob loooooove u to death...just a thoght

[AHealthtierMe]

Good morning, I totally understand you. I’ve dealt with this my whole life and it’s been obvious to many around me. Yet my friends and family would always force me into crowds that have me anxiety. And I would freeze and also go through depression behind it because I thought I was not normal. I’m 36 and I’m finally taking a stand for myself. Instead of thinking something is wrong with you, recognize a few things about yourself. What are your triggers with particular crowds? How do they make you feel? Do you at times feel less than others when walking into these crowds or ppl?

I am taking time to do the work on myself before I force myself around ppl who give me anxiety. There is something in you that you must work on that will teach you to know that you are just as worthy to talk to others as they are to you, or to stand in any room and be yourself. And if not wanting to talk to ppl is that, then be that! Be comfortable with that. But if you want to speak, work on your confidence…start by showing up for yourself and speaking kindly to yourself. I’m with you in this journey, you are not alone.

[Greensparkles]

I completely relate to this feeling and something that I've learned over time is that making friends cannot be forced so let them come to you. Also, it could help to explain this first hand that it's difficult for you to open up at first that way they can understand where you're coming from before making that swift judgment. ☺️

[Sillysausage234]

Grooming again Leon 👁

[Smink]

I felt compelled to leave a response here and give my best advice based on my own similar experience. I suffered from this really badly, I would say my experiences throughout adolescence where I felt scared to speak and paralyzed were nearly traumatic for me, especially because it was so frequent and persistent. I had it in work, college, and with my closest friends.

The first thing I’ll say is that it is mainly all in your head and there are definitely steps to get out of the negative thought pattern/cycle when it is happening and to overcome the anxiety in general. I am still working on it myself, but I have improved due to an improved understanding of myself and by making changes in my life.

You have to know that you are not alone and that this can happen to anybody. But, I think it is also necessary to accept that in SOME cases you probably are more self-conscious, anxious, and afraid than others. I know that is the case for me which is a hard truth. During those situations, I would always be telling myself that I’m more confident than everyone else and that’s why I’m quiet, but in reality the others who are chatting and having a good time are more confident and not affected by anxiety, IN THAT SITUATION. That’s important to remember, which is why if these experiences keep coming up you must notice what triggers it and, in my opinion, avoid them until you get a better handle on it.

I kept finding myself in the same situations where I felt terrible anxiety and if I had a better sense I would have avoided them until I got a better understanding of it and got some awareness and better control over it. The point is not to ignore or resist the anxiety, but to be aware of it in those situations and challenge yourself and speak out even when it is there, that is how you improve.

So, first you must forgive yourself and be aware that this can happen to anybody, and that you have the ability to improve and get better. Secondly, I would talk to somebody about it. Talk to your parents, a close friend one-on-one, a sibling. I do not think saying it to strangers helps, and talking about it as an icebreaker is never going to work, particularly in a group situation with new people. Though it might seem like it, it’s not like an easy fix to getting accepted. The reality is everybody has their problems and they are not interested in hearing other’s (except for your friends and close ones). But if you talk to a friend they might relive some of the worries you have and point to the good things about yourself that you must remember when socializing with others. You are just as important, unique, and worthy as anyone else.

This is the last helpful point to know, I think: at the end of the day, everybody is concerned with their own self more than others. When you find yourself getting anxious, caught up in your head, not being able to talk or do anything, remind yourself that everybody around you is more concerned about themselves than you, that always relaxes me. FINALLY, and related, the likelihood is that people are not thinking about you the way you think they are. People are not thinking you are weird, different, rude, stuck-up, whatever it may be. They will probably think you are quiet, for sure, but nobody will hold that against you, people just want to interact and share experiences and they are more interested in hearing what you have to say than judging or ignoring you.

You have to get yourself in a place where you are not paralyzed by the fear, realise there is nothing wrong with YOU, just your thought patterns which can react fearfully in various contexts. Avoid those contexts for the start until you get some understanding of it, or just some awareness, some reassurance from a friend, and then get prepared to enter (I recommend a new) situation and put yourself out there. You might find that it is easier than you think. Remember that everyone else is also self-conscious and just sharing their thoughts and experiences to whoever will listen, it is what we do as humans and what you are capable of doing too. You HAVE to push yourself, and eventually when you get some confidence up you will realise that everyone is the same as you, it’s just that most might not be worrying about it as much at that time.

Think about it, when you are in a situation when you are the one who is talking and you see somebody who is quiet, you want to reach out and include them. You don’t judge them or think they’re different. Has anybody actually told you that you are being weird, or stuck-up?

Everybody just wants people to be themselves and everyone is pretty much respectful and accepting of all people. If they are not then you wouldn’t want their acceptance anyway. When you are quiet and feeling boxed in, imagine that people are looking at you the way you look at a quiet person in another context. Take a step back, remember we’re all the same and that we just want to connect, and speak out when the opportunity arises. You might find that it’s not as hard as you think, and what you’re worrying about is not as bad as you think.

Hope this helps

[KMBW]

Hello-

I've had social anxiety my entire life basically. At 21 I began having ongoing panic attacks, literally 1 after the other and went untreated this way for 10 years! (was completely agoraphobic for about 3-4 years of this)

Finally I went to a psychiatrist and got on meds (Paxil), and while many of the side effects are awful, I am at least able to live my life more or less without anxiety or panic. If you are like me, you hate being on meds and would rather not take them, but trust me, they can be a life changer! Even with the negative side effects, life is much better with them than without. The key is to wait out the period where your body is getting used to the change. You can feel strange and maybe a bit lethargic at first, but eventually you get more used to it and it isn't as bad. I've combined meds with cog/beh therapy and use self talk continually, but I'm living life and think more people would be able to do the same if they let go of the stigma of having to take medication.

Hang in there! You'll power through one way or another!