I'm so lost, feeling so useless, seems like whatever future I had with my family has been taken from us in the blink of an eye.
Crying for 2 months straight was once a day now it is several times a day even more so when I try to think happy , it's there then gone in a flash with this feeling that im not going to be alive anymore , it has brought me to such a pit of depression and despair hoping for a miracle to bring me back from this pit of negativity , every time I feel as though I am climbing out of this pit I feel whatever I have a grasp on let loose and I slide right back down into this deep dark depressive pit smothering me with layer after layer of depressing negative thoughts as though it showing me what I could have but it will not let me have, like life is being held in front of me showing me what I'm going to be missing out on.
I can't seem to break free from these chains that are keeping me locked in this prison, I want so much to break free to live this life with my wife and our children but every time I look at any of them I am suddenly overwhelmed by emotions of sadness and sorrow as my mind and body flood with the thoughts that I soon am going to be laying in the mortuary while my mother, wife and our children are huddled together crying as they are visiting me for the last time before I am taken to the crematorium.
I just want this to stop, I'm so tired of this feeling.
I'm crying as I'm typing this