Hurting so bad inside, broken and lost

[Jsteve36]

I'm so lost, feeling so useless, seems like whatever future I had with my family has been taken from us in the blink of an eye.

Crying for 2 months straight was once a day now it is several times a day even more so when I try to think happy , it's there then gone in a flash with this feeling that im not going to be alive anymore , it has brought me to such a pit of depression and despair hoping for a miracle to bring me back from this pit of negativity , every time I feel as though I am climbing out of this pit I feel whatever I have a grasp on let loose and I slide right back down into this deep dark depressive pit smothering me with layer after layer of depressing negative thoughts as though it showing me what I could have but it will not let me have, like life is being held in front of me showing me what I'm going to be missing out on.

I can't seem to break free from these chains that are keeping me locked in this prison, I want so much to break free to live this life with my wife and our children but every time I look at any of them I am suddenly overwhelmed by emotions of sadness and sorrow as my mind and body flood with the thoughts that I soon am going to be laying in the mortuary while my mother, wife and our children are huddled together crying as they are visiting me for the last time before I am taken to the crematorium.

I just want this to stop, I'm so tired of this feeling.

I'm crying as I'm typing this

[Jsteve36]

youtu.be/NIfSmtvob7w(Not working as expected?)

[Amandasullivan12]

This is how I’m feeling it’s so awful I feel like a failure as a mother and wife like I see my husband and children laughing and I’m sat feeling so alone afraid and dead inside I wish I knew how we could get over this but honestly I’m just lost I look back at pictures when I was happy and I just cry because I feel like that person has gone and shel never come bk 😞 so just know that your not alone in how u feel I know exactly what ur going through if u ever wanna chat just pm me

[Jsteve36 in reply to Amandasullivan12]

Thank you.I know , I miss the person I used to be, so full of love and life, now it's like im just empty and hopeless.

I have a doctor appointment in March and I'm scared to death that I'm going to get some kind of bad news.

[Amandasullivan12 in reply to Jsteve36]

That’s what I’m like to afraid of going to the doc in fear that he’s gonna tell me something bad and I know I would not cope I totally understand how ur feeling it’s bloody awful

[Hidden]

You sound like you really need some intensive help, especially if you happen to be thinking some suicidal thoughts. Please don’t hesitate to try to see a therapist and you may need some medication for depression that would involve seeing a doctor. I know how no one wants to do this but I’m sure your wife and kids love you and they don’t want you to abandon them. Please try to talk to someone, don’t just keep it all buried inside.

[Hollick]

Hello Jsteve, sounds like your really caught in the pits of despair, I'm sorry...please know you are not alone, I feel very much the same way, many of us are struggling..