I’ve had major depression before, after a very abusive marriage, and I’m terrified of going back into that hell hole of depression again. My son has Tourette’s syndrome and associated difficulties and my closest friend doesn’t understand. He’s putting him down , my son does do annoying things , ( his tics aren’t annoying at all , no one has said that ,it’s just he has no filter sometimes and is honest to a fault , he’s always been that way ) but this friend of mine of 35 years thinks my son is a total screw up. I’ve housed my friend when he’s been homeless looked after his child and his dog ,and would do anything for him ,but I can’t help it , when it comes to my children I’m very protective . Anyway he called him brainless and I lost it and told him a few home truths . I feel so lost, like I’m nothing to anyone. I’m falling down again fast , so frightened, and now so afraid I’ll always be alone , I’ve lost trust in people now , I don’t understand how he could do this to me knowing It would affect me like this . I do t have anyone close to me anymore I can truly trust so I just smile and pretend everything is ok because opening up backfires so I find it better that way . In need of a little hope . I’m devastated and scared
I need of a little encouragement - Anxiety and Depre...
I need of a little encouragement
I'd be waving goodbye to the friend and putting my child first... No excuse for your friend to be like that towards your child.
Hi I'm very sorry to hear hear about what is going on with your son. I also have Tourette's Syndrome i am currently 28. It is very hard to control tics and out bursts. It's hard to explain but there is just an uncomfortable feeling that won't go away until you release your tics. Growing up was hard everyone except for my own mother thought I was screwed up and something was very wrong with me. I can tell you first hand what you friend so to speak is saying to your son is going to hurt him more in the long run. You friend need to understand its a medical condition just like cancer or stoke you didn't choose it it just happens. Is your son young I know for me as I got older in my early 20s my TS improved greatly. So much that I don't need to take medication for it anymore. I know jow frustration this must be for you and him just know there are others out here who have been down the same road. I wish you and your son the best.
Thankyou thankyou!!!! Sorry for late reply ,I fell asleep,it was around 3am when I posted. Woke up at 6 am and im a total mess , almost called lifeline but then saw everyone’s msgs . Hes 23 now and like you his tics have gotten quite a lot better it’s age . But his mental health is just awful. Since very young he’s had difficulties concentrating, he’s impulsive amongst other things . But he is absolutely amazing to me . He is now estranged from all family and friends and attempted suicide in the most horrific way, he just survived after many hrs in surgery. He is honest to fault , he is loving and kind. He is trustworthy and fun loving. But only I know these things because no one can see through his problems. I have been everywhere from the royal children’s hospital to private drs , to just about every other hospital in my city ( Melbourne) and he has NEVER had anyone interested in him . Since around 6 or 7 ( when the tics started) he has had NO professional help . His school was terrible so I had to homeschool from age 12 . I’m dumbfounded, I feel like I’m going crazy , I’ve pleaded with drs to help and we usually get a referral to someone else who gives us another number which ALWAYS leads to nothing. Im completely confused by this when his tics where so obvious. He is now suffering terribly, he has no life, totally misunderstood, he’s become an outcast . Not ONE of his so called friends from when he was younger contacted him when he nearly died . He was admitted to the psychiatric ward but released the NEXT day , can you believe it !!! I begged them literally to kero him a bit longer , they said he didn’t meet the criteria. Even with 140 stitches in his neck , 4 hrs in surgery, and msgs to my phone saying he wants to die , they released him . I was in shock !! He went missing that night , presumed dead , but someone found him bleeding from injuries delirious and called ambulance. Who took him to hospital and again said he didn’t meet the criteria ( currently in process of formal complaint) . I could go on and on but you get the picture. May I ask you if you had problems concentrating or impulsiveness or anything like that ? If that’s not too personal. No one understands him , NO ONE . I adore my son , he has the most beautiful heart. My heart has broken almost every day fir the last 15 yrs.
I sent you a private message
Drop that so-called friend immediately, l would
Thankyou soooo much , I’m really not coping so it was soooo good to wake up to some msgs . I don’t think wel be friends anymore , I was so mad at him . I’ve seen him make fun of him before too. My closest friend of 35 yrs !! How could he do that to him and to me too.
Its so hard when friends disappoint. Something tells me your friend will come back to apologize. If that happens, don’t miss the opportunity to educate him. I hope it all works out. Sending you a hug in the meantime ❤️
Oh my gosh I am so sorry 😞 this must be heartbreaking I wish that people would understand I have friends with Tourette’s syndrome and they don’t mean what they say when they tic it makes me furious that people think your son is a screw up well frick them
Friends come and go. Good for you for not tolerating someone’s terrible attitude. I feel for you. It has to be so difficult and heartbreaking to be trying to get help for your son and no one seems to want to do much of anything. I really don’t know much about Tourette’s syndrome myself. I know the pop singer Billlie Eilish supposedly has it. Your son is very lucky to have a mom like you.
Thankyou so much for your kind words and compassion, it means lot to me . You’re so kind . Yes I really find it confusing as he’s had mental illness for many years along with the Tourette’s , the mental health system here is real bad here but I thought surely we’d get somewhere at some stage but nothing. I find it sooo confusing when they say reach out for help but nothing ends up happening.
Sometimes you just have to keep trying and call around and try different doctors. If you know any other parents of other kids who may be in a special needs class with him, sometimes by asking someone else who their doctor is and do they like them- you can get some leads. I live in Michigan USA and I think the mental health system is the worst I’ve seen it lately. Psychiatric wards have sort of become like jail cells,
I knew the mental health system wasn’t great here but I had no idea someone could be released with shocking injuries and still saying they’re going to kill themselves when they’re released. I’m just shocked and feel I need to make formal complaint, not just for my son but others too . Which I’ve do e but now have to actually make complaint against actual psychiatrist. My son is 23 and had to home school him from grade six because of bullying. Amazingly my son got himself to a psychiatrist, big breakthrough for him. He prescribed dexamphetamine for him but it’s making him delusional and so much worse he dosnt sleep and his review to see how he’s going is in months. During the appointment I pointed out that counseling/ therapy would be useful and he said no problem I’ll make appointment with my colleague. Waited a week to hear back and so rang receptionist and they said no they’re full booked til April. I just don’t understand, I push and he gets nothing, I be sooo polite still nothing. But not giving up ever !!!
Definitely call around to different doctors. Not all psychiatrists are the same. Try different agencies and see what your health insurance will cover and what it won’t. Keep in mind that with this pandemic going on, it’s affecting people mentally and psychiatrists and social workers are getting as tired and burned out as other people in the medical field like nurses and medical doctors. I’m so sorry your son was let go like that. It might be for the best that you look into other mental health facilities and hospitals where you live. Sometimes even if a place is 50 or 60 miles away and not an easy drive to get to, if he gets treated with some dignity and respect and good care then it’s worth it. He is 23 and you know you can’t shelter him forever. Don’t give up!!!
P.s seriously not exaggerating about the injuries!! I’ve thought a thousand times there must be a reason they released him but there just isn’t anyway around it ,they JUST saved his life , 140 stitches across his neck ,4 hrs in surgery and then in ICU then psychiatric ward for 1 night . I still can’t believe it actually happened and just thank god he’s alive . I asked if they could just keep him a week to get him on meds organise counsellors ... but said no not enough beds , I just don’t think that’s true I saw empty beds there , the other patients were incredible with him and helped him as much as they could because it was so shocking to see what he’d done to himself. Sorry!! I just need to get it out sometimes
Thank you, great advice ! I’ll never give up . I’ve looked into private hospitals and rang every where . Here you can’t go to any hospital you have to fall within the catchment area . And the private facilities I rang all said they can’t tske suicidal patients . I feel incredibly guilty because I don’t know where I went wrong. I tried so incredibly hard Til I was exhausted. I took the children camping and did music lessons and spent my time nurturing them and loving them and just trying to make them into happy healthy people. If I failed isn’t it my responsibility to always be there and try to fix it . ( not being sarcastic, serious question) I’m really confused. Didn’t have the best upbringing do I wanted to to my best for my children, I must be doing something wrong
Thanks sooo much . I feel like a terrible failure a lot of the time , but I do know how hard I try , that’s for sure . What a lovely thing to say ! Yes I do love my kids , I adore them ! I’m sure my friend realises now I won’t put up with his put downs . And to be honest I’m not as worried about it as I was , thanks to all the kind msgs here . If he doesn’t understand aNd ever apologise I can deal with It now , I’m quite sure . As for the mental health system, I knew it wasn’t great but had no idea it was that bad !! Anyway I look at my sons situation that horrible night I just can’t find any reasoning behind his discharge, there’s just nothing I can think of that would make sense of not keeping him in . Thanks again for your kindness
Hi! I am SO sorry your life is so difficult these days. You certainly have a few heavy challenges to wade thru each day.
Your son is how old? Tourettes is tough. You are probably on edge when you are both around people. Do you worry more about your son's behavior or how others react to him? Wow! You must be worn out a lot of the time.
None of us is completely alone, although our friends & resources can ebb & flow. Most supportive folks will get worn out with the stress level you face daily.
Do you have a support group of other Tourettes family members?
How about Voc.Rehab ? Is there someone in place there to help you with difficulties you run into?
Do you have a church or any kind of counseling you can see?
You are running out of energy. You need to care for your needs or you will not be able to help your son.
You are worth it. You can't give to others if you have run dry.
Get out an take a walk outdoors. It can change your perspective on things
You could enjoy it!
I am sorry if I sound " preachy". I have been the support for a fee family members & this is what turned my energy around.
Sending you virtual hugs of support until you find a person or group that can help you carry on....one step at a time.
There is hope. Never give up on tomorrow... Everything in life changes, given time.
❤❤❤ Kate
Hi kindredkate, thank you so much ! No not preachy at all ! You just opened my eyes to something I didn’t realise. Yes I am exhausted, and stressed too . I almost feel like I’m supposed to be stressed and tired . He’s my son , I raised him , so therefore any problems he has is my fault so I should be stressed and tired . He’s 23 and doesn’t live at home , but he doesn’t have friends or other family ( apart from my mum who’ll drop of noodles to him here and there , but doesn’t spend time with him,) his rent is expensive, but best suburb for his mental health; places to go walking and the beach) So I’m his only day to day support , and there’s a lot of late night calls , suicide threats...he’s get very sad and lonely but we have nice days together too . . He has psychiatrist appointment for med review in a month or so , so hopefully he’ll be able to help a bit more . I think going for a walk is a great idea!! I need to clear my head each day , I really feel like I deserve the stress though. My mind is stuck on the negative, you’re right , things can change and get better!! And my supports are probably getting worn down by all this , I didn’t think of that . I have a wonderful church I go to ( well try to go ) and I’m there a lot because I work there ( cleaning) , although my lovely pastor is leaving 😕and my close friend,my main supports but that’s ok . My anxiety is soooo high because I want to fix my son but I don’t know how all the time . Answering your question, I think I worry more about what others think about his behaviour. His tics aren’t noticeable as much and I’ve never cared what people think but it’s the other things people do t understand. You have to ask him to listen most of the time if you want to tell him something because he’s minds on a subject that’s he’s thinking about ( and at the moment his big topic is prescription tablets, he knows EVERYTHING about them ) and not a comfortable subject for people. He can come across as rude but he’s actually the least rude person I know, he’s a sweetheart!! Thankyou for taking the time to msg me your words of wisdom 😁. It’s honestly really helped and given me things to think about that I couldn’t see, REALLY appreciated! There’s ALWAYS hope !! Thanks for the hugs , hugs to you too 💕
Oh and p.s my 19 yr old isn’t well either , epilepsy and now another disorder, so specialist appointments drs appointments, almost every day of the week not to mention the stress of seeing her suffer . ( I feel like I’m making it about me now ) . Waiting on call from support person for myself regarding this disorder so that’s good ! It almost feels wrong of me to be stressed and tired or look after myself,I’m their mum , I should be strong (which I usually am ) but I AM tired and stressed .
Of course you need to stand up for your child, He isn't brainless.
The friend needs to keep it shut, It's your's and your son's home, and stress makes Tourettes worse.
If you haven't already give your friend notice to quit and find his own place.
Cheers, Midori
No my friend doesn’t live here anymore, thank goodness , that was a while ago . Nor does my son but I’m his only day to day support . This friend of mine is / was the only other person my son could go and visit , but now that he’s not really nice to him that has gone now too , which breaks my heart because he doesn’t have friends, but you’re right the stress does make his tics worse and affects his mental health terribly. But I CANNOT stand the way he talks to him sometimes. Thanks so much for your msg . I can’t believe how many people have msgd me with words of kindness. It’s helped so much. I was at an all time low,very anxious and depressed but woke up to msgs and I’m soooo grateful!
Mumma, lets face it, a true friend wouldn't do this to another so called friend...of course, everyone is protective of their children, parents is another one, at least for me..this whole friendship sounds like a waste of time, I'm really sorry to say, you have been kind n generous, as you mentioned towards him, and let he treats you like this? Your son has a medial condition, he can't help that, the friend should be showing both of you compassion n respect, but obviously he isn't? Do it for your son, its time to shut the door. Being alone is better than being abused, and this is a form of abuse, emotional, mental. It's hard to trust anyone 'these days', the world has become a cold place. Don't want to sound negative, but we all have to face the music, 'head on', throughout different stages of our lives..Love yourself, you don't need this, and certainly your son doesn't need it either..I understand your fear, but have faith in God, many of us are scared, but you can't live life like that...do take care, and I'm sorry if this post is painful, it cetainly was NOT meant to be, I think what's painful, is the way your choosing to live your life and settle for garbage when t comes to friendships...why?
Thankyou thankyou thankyou !! No not painful at all ! I needed to hear that , and it’s actually given me a boost . I always think I have to put up with crap because, I don’t know .... 100 reasons. But when it comes to my children I just can’t keep my feelings inside, I’m very protective. So appreciative of the advice!
After some time apart, if your friend wants to be friends again. I would be very specific about how he will speak and treat your child. I he can't respect your wishes then forget him.
I will definitely tell me friend not to ever do that again, if he does contact me in the future
That is a difficult place to be in . Have you considered talking to a professional?
You did the right thing. Your child comes first. He doesn’t seem to care about your feeling or your son’s feelings. That’s a BIG RED FLAG!!! I’m proud of you for standing up to him.
And there are good people in this world. The Lord will show you the way.
Whatever you think, it was his lose not yours. YOU’RE GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.
Thankyou , just what I needed to hear . And yes I believe too that god is making a way for healing for my son . Thankyou so very much 💕
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