Constant anxiety attacks

[Against_the_current]

I feel like i'm in a permanent anxiety attack. Probably has been like 2 years. I'm really scared of my mom and when i escaped home in november 2020 and found out dad's having a baby from another woman i totaly lost it. I hid his secret. Since then i'm trying to battle it. I'm having online classes. I'm full-time student but online. I graduated like 3 semesters full A, i totaly lost the count. I tried to move out but with university being online and having no real experience, social contacts and a reason to be there meanwhile being unable to work, it's hard. And leave all those things my anxiety is so bad that i can't bear the sensory overload and overstimulation and overwhelm of my roommates and their constant parties. I'm an introvert. Also tried some therapists and doctors but nothing works. Now am back at mom's. I'm constantly anxious. My head hurts like hell and i'm always dizzy and nauseus. My jaw is so clenched it hurts, basically all my body and soul hurt. My palms are always sweaty. I'm having night terrors. Ruminating and racing thoughts, Overthinking. I'm always feeling scared and in danger. I feel like i'm a prey. Hyper sensetive. Hypervigiliant. I'm aware of every breath mom takes, every move sis makes. (I'm really really worried about my real sister). And i'm trying my best to help them but i make things worse. For example now sis wants to go out and mom doesn't want her to go out and i should have stayed in my bussines but i got so anxious that i said "well, the weather is nice". Mom got upset (she got upset just because i said the weather is nice) and said i'm giving her bad ideas and why don't i go out. Meanwhile i was just coming back from a 1 hour walk outside because i was having muscle pains. And she said "why don't you go out". As If i'm not important. As If i'm not doing anything. I also study but just because it's online mom thinks i'm free and chilling all day when in reality i'm struggling all day. At class i get insane anxiety attacks. It's just that i'm in a bad environtment, like a jungle and i feel unsafe, always on guard, even at night, since 2 years and it's tiring and overwhelming. I don't have a home, i have war. And i just need them to understand me being really broken. But they don't understand talking and family therapy.

[AdamFCastillo31]

Well, you have gone through a lot in your life, in these circumstances, anyone can have anxiety attacks, I can understand your feelings I had a little bit same situation a few years back I took help from cope-up strategies, by doing some lifestyle changes and from counseling sessions. And trust me it worked well for me but you should take the counseling session consistently to get good results. Don't lose hope I am sure you have the courage to get rid of these circumstances.

[Against_the_current in reply to AdamFCastillo31]

Thanks