Holiday Struggle

[Serene46]

It’s a time of year we should feel grateful and thankful for what we have. I am not feeling that. It was my daughters birthday this week. My mom came in town for it but that’s all. We moved back to this area in April 2018 because her dad said he wanted to be part of her life. Hasn’t seen her in almost 2 years and 8 months now. So not only is he not around to be in her life he doesn’t help me. Has to go to court all the time because he doesn’t pay child support like he’s supposed to. So now we don’t have any other family here either. Lost my dad over 9 years ago which I was closest to. So now I few lost, alone and like I don’t belong anywhere. I try hard to keep upbeat for my daughter but it’s been hard lately.

[The_Color_Blue]

I think we often stifle our own growth when force the "should's" upon our shoulders. Try to let go of what what you think you should feel. Situational depression and stress are real. Acknowledging them and allowing yourself time to feel and process those things is the only way to get through them. Denying your experience because society tells you that you should be grateful on a Thursday is ridiculous - and it does little more than impose shame and guilt on an already overburdened and stressed person.

You're grieving loss. It's natural this would make you feel sad. You're dealing with a difficult and inefficient person (your daughter's father) who isn't meeting his responsibilities. This would naturally lead to stress, frustration, anger, and anxiety. You're in a new area and still finding your footing. This would naturally lead to feelings of isolation and uncertainty about your "place" in this new location. You're going through motherhood, the holidays, and dealing with your own parent. That's a lot of hats to wear at once, and it asks that you be a lot of (mutually exclusive) things simultaneously. To be honest, the way you're feeling is perfectly healthy.

Rather than condemning yourself for being human, try to show the part of you that's struggling some compassion. That stressed, frustrated, sad, anxious, and overwhelmed part of you - see if you can't interview it. Ask it about the feelings so that you explore them more. (I.e., "I feel sad that I lost my father. Ok. where does that sadness come from? I'm sad because I feel like my dad understood me and I don't feel like anyone else understands me in the same way. Ok. What did he understand about you that others do not? I feel like my dad knew how hard I worked, how much effort I put in. I feel like he saw me and that felt validating. In contrast, I feel like others only criticize what they think I'm not doing, rather than recognizing what I AM doing. Ok. That makes sense. We also know that we don't have value, worth, and contribution because someone else recognizes it. We have those things intrinsically. How can we bolster ourselves into seeing that? How can we make sure we're "showing up" to validate our own experience? How can we make sure we're seeing our own contributions without just criticizing ourselves? ..... Well .... crap. Hmmm.")

You are doing big things. You're trying to connect with people. You're trying to build a strong support system for your child. You're trying to make a better life for your child than the one they had last year. These are the profound and selfless acts of an amazing mom. You're in a new place, but you DO belong. It will take time to feel that, but it will happen. The first step is showing up for yourself. You get to be anyone you want now. You get to be strong and confident. You get to be honest and forthright. You get to be the person who is honest about their experience and their journey - and not one who hides it to avoid rocking the boat. You get to be the person who doesn't suffer fools; who practices kindness and compassion without allowing people who mistreat or take advantage of her. And you get to do all of that while showing your daughter that even though there are struggles that try to bring us down, we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. By believing in yourself, you're giving your daughter the strength and freedom to believe in herself.

Until you feel comfortable where you are, I promise you belong here. You are understood here. You are seen. You are going through a difficult time - and frankly, you're doing it with a lot of grace. It won't always be this hard, but you're definitely not alone. Try to be kind to yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend who was going through the same thing. Give yourself the same compassion, kindness, and words of encouragement. You've earned them.

[Serene46 in reply to The_Color_Blue]

Thank you so much for the encouragement. I do most days beat myself up about things and life, life is hard! I struggle as a single parent of 9 years now. Wouldn’t trade her for the world, but some days it’s plain hard. I keep chugging along tho. Sadness and depression get me from time to time with the alone factor.

[Shnookie]

Hi. It’s Shnookie. So happy 😀 that U came on the web site for support. U R a strong and brave woman. Understandably however, there R days that R very tough. I had a friend years ago, whose

Exhusband was not paying her for child support. He claimed that he thought the money was not being for her children. I suggested to her to write down a list of items I.e. clothing, shoes, etc that her children needed. I don’t know 🤷‍♀️ if this will work, but maybe if the court sees the cost of items it will be helpful. I’m here 4 U

Hugs 🤗 Shnookie

[Jeremmy]

Hi guys, my wife wants to go to Italy this Christmas.. Someone here likes Italy? I got nothing to say, its a beautiful country but why the hell we should go somewhere during pandemic? Risks of getting infected increases greatly. All I want is just to stay at home and play some games with $5 minimum deposit casino canada gamblerdesk.com/ca/5-deposi... and have fun. My kids also want to spend more time with me.