Am I selfish?

[Whatsthepoint]

Every birthday I have nobody remembers, this year my husband did so at least that was something, he shouted “happy birthday” as he was leaving for work. I have parents, a lot of siblings (whom most I’ve Thown multiple party’s for) nobody ever remember and I feel like would anyone even notice if I was dead? My best friend didn’t even bother to txt me or anything, does this make me selfish to feel so upset about this?

[hypercat54]

No it doesn't make you selfish at all but human. This is horrible if you remember them. I wouldn't bother with birthdays anymore if no one bothers about yours. If they say something say well you don't care about mine so why should I care about yours.

I am lucky in that family and friends always remember mine but I do remind friends sometimes when it's getting closer. Maybe you could do the same and see what results you get.

Maybe they are under a misapprehension that you don't enjoy them and don't want to celebrate or something? Remind them when your birthday is coming up and you would love so and so. I would.

[Marysblue]

No, that's not selfish. You have a right to your feelings, I am so sorry your friends and family did this. My brother didn't call me on Thanksgiving and I'm hurt by it.

Happy birthday! Your family should have said it.

[Hidden]

Happy Birthday 🎂 🎉🎊

[WriterG]

I do believe we are related! When is your birthday? Mine is 11/20 and I have the same problem time 67 years. I am married and have 3 adult sons and a stepson. My family always made a big deal about birthdays and my kids had parties until they were 21. I got more and more creative each year about where to have it, etc. and some were pretty cool. My youngest son's BD is 11/15, so we'd even have a big party with his friends and mine at the bowling alley, etc. Fast forward to the present day. I just turned 67 and my baby is 29. My others are 47 and 32. I know...Somewhere along the line my birthday as well as Christmas, and even Mother's Day became very unimportant. I am sorry but I expect something. I've made it clear they don't have to spend money as I'd rather see them get creative and put a little thought into doing something they know I'd like. I can go and buy myself "stuff," so unless it is something unbelievable I'd much rather find them doing something so I wouldn't have to. At this point, anything that would alleviate my having to do A, B, or C, would be great. I even tell them this stuff straight out. They always make excuses and say they didn't have money. This is so lame and ridiculous. My birthday comes every year on the same day, never failed once. Plan ahead if money is the problem. And yes, money is a big problem but the things I want don't cost a cent. In fact, I've been complaining because last year we got a cord of wood for the fireplace but since it's out back in the garage that is unattached (4-unit apartment bldg) 'someone has to get it. I can't anymore, nor can my husband but my 32-year-old lives here and should do it. And, there is a pile of stuff in front of the fireplace so that has to be moved away. I told my husband that there was a perfect gift, for not a penny. if I would have come home or awakened to a roaring fire that would be the best. Not only would it be something I love but it would finally prove they do hear me....but no..and I can point out another dozen examples just like this...I am so very tired of doing and giving and taking care of everyone's needs but mine. Yeah, I allow it but it's so hard when it's family. I love them all and love to do things they like but why can't I get the same?? Because I'm the mother I don't think that means I'm supposed to completely sacrifice any and every dream I've had for me and me alone. The worst part is they all know how hurtful these things are. Getting a text message at 11:45 pm is not what I want. I almost don't want to acknowledge it. I feel horrible. I sit there all day waiting. I'm still waiting and it's 8 days later. Christmas is around the corner and seriously I just want to sleep through December. Every year for as long as I can remember, I did Christmas. It's funny too because my family is Jewish. (Managed to keep the 8 days of Chanukah a secret.) I'd do all the cleaning, cooking, baking, shopping, wrapping, tree trimming, and crying. There were some years when I had unruly, selfish teenaged boys who had some wealthy friends. They didn't like the gifts I could afford and I recall a couple of moments where it could have gone south real quickly. There was throwing, tearing, and lots of screaming, swearing, and name-calling. By then I realized no court in the world would convict me if I did it quick....I am 4' 11" tall and was about 90 lbs back in those days. My sons aren't tall but on the husky side and frankly, they probably could have kicked my ass by the age of 10. No, no, it has never gone that far. But I keep saying, one day, just one crack that's all I want to give em. Sorry but I tend to get somewhat sarcastic and use humor when it's about something very personal and emotional. I just don't understand how they can do things they know are going to upset and hurt me deeply. I tell them what I want, need, feel, hate, love, etc. so they don't have to guess. Do ABC and I'll be thrilled. Huh? No? What more can I do? Give them money? I've done that when they were kids. Didn't work. Just do something that will make me know they hear what I say and know what I want. After 33 years of marriage, I'm as easy to read as a 1st-grade book. If he doesn't get me now, it's hopeless. It's just so ridiculous because the solution is so easy..I'm not asking for a new car, diamonds, vacations, or furs. Wash the damned dishes and floor..vacuum. clean out the car. Run an errand I normally do. Clean the snow off the car as you're getting wood from the garage...(soon I'll hear it's too cold.) The horrible thing is this lack of concern and care for me isn't just about presents and birthdays but my health and well-being. I've been ill since 2019 and it just keeps on keeping on...there are many things I simply cannot do without getting myself worse. Yet, I can talk until I pass out and nothing changes or gets done. This apartment is a disgusting mess with cat hair etc. Any moment I have the energy I do things that will make me worse because I can't stand living here. I'm always cleaning something because they are pigs and I have to sit on the toilet too. I often feel like running in front of a charging elephant and making the 5pm news....sorry I am extremely tired and have to go to my son's for late Thanksgiving. Anyway sorry for rambling I am going to be in some of the support groups and hope to meet some great people.

[Darklight_465]

I dont think it does. You have every right to feel the way you do. Your validating your emotions (happy birthday btw) Also your important dont ever look down on yourself. Your an amazing person I dont know you personally but I know you have great qualities the fact that you reached out to us to talk about how you felt is really courageous. What you could do is give hints when the time gets closer. I know a lot of people put on social media post how many days until their birthday and so on. One time I forgot my on birthday because I left early before anyone was awake it was pretty embarrassing when people at school were telling me happy birthday 😅😅😂 im still teased about it to this day.

[Ryanphilip_9]

To be honest, it's all very human. It is totally normal for people to expect things from their loved ones. When we aren't getting as much attention, we all have similar thoughts. I only had a few friends in my life, and I was quite close to them. Now, one by one, I'm losing them all, and it's terrible.