I don’t know what to do

[NoMoreMasks]

My sons father is so selfish. He won’t call my son. He expects my son to call him and then he doesn’t answer. He waits and calls back when it’s convenient. He stopped having my son come and visit when Covid started. Perfect excuse not to be a father. He has only seen his son for 12 hours since March 2020. He blames my son (14 years old). Saying he doesn’t call or want to come over.

This of course is not true. They live 40 minutes apart and I am more than willing to bring him anytime. He lies and says he tries to call my son all the time and he won’t answer. Not true. He shows me his phone. No calls.

He was excited to see his father at Thanksgiving. We went to my in-laws and I fully expected him there with his long time girlfriend. I was more than happy to go if it meant my son got to spend time with his dad. He never showed.

His dad wants him to worship him and beg for his attention. He has BPD and can’t stand to be around people that don’t think he’s the smartest person in the world. At this point I’m going to have to beg him to spend time with his son. Should I? His son really needs him. I’m lost.

[hypercat54]

No don't beg him. It wouldn't work for you or your son. I presume you don't tell him all his lies or promise him things without being supportive when he is disappointed again.

He is 14 so I am sure he is aware of this anyway. All you can do is reassure him telling him that his father does love him but due to his BPD has problems showing him. Tell him it's no way your sons fault and it's nothing to do with him.

Your main priority is your son after all and as long as he knows you love him and will always be there for him that is the best you can do. Do you have a male in your life he can go to for male advice on being a man? That would be helpful I think.

[NoMoreMasks in reply to hypercat54]

We have talked about his father’s issues. There is no male in my life I can confide in or ask to help. His teachers have a slight understanding of the situation and the male teachers said they would do whatever they could at school to offer male guidance and support.