“Grown-up” Children

[Esther8]

I have a 26 year old daughter whom I thought I was very close with. I have gone through some tough times the last 4 years which has made me very up and down mentally. My daughter decided to move to CA. I would text her daily and then went and visited her. I had gained some weight due to meds I am on. She basically told me she was disappointed in me because I didn’t have a quality paying job and I needed to find one and move on from the tragedy’s in my life. I struggle daily with my bipolar but try to keep that to my self. Then after my trip seeing her she told me she needed space that when I text her she feels obligated to text me back and it stresses her out. Not only do I feel like I raised a brat that totally doesn’t appreciate me I am deeply hurt by what was said. How do I get rid of this hurt and move on. What would any of you do?

[Roxylox]

This may not change much. My eldest in particular can br particularly hurtful. I feel l'm walking on eggshells with her. I haven't been taunted about employment thank God, but do feel I could be doing better.

You need your recovery time l feel. Don't beat yourself up.

Our children can be stunnimg in their ingratitude to us. We so often put their interests before our own.

I would be afraid to contact her too often.

In my case, l do know l wad pretty hard on her when she was younger.

She can give out to me for nothing if we are out in public sometimes too , which is highly embarassing and ridiculous. She is 24.

After all that, my only advice would be if you must text, maybe one a week would be enough.

I would feel a daily text is too much.

[ThatRyan]

I agree with Roxylox. Let her have space. You take care of yourself, make sure you have friends and people to unwind with and fun stuff to do. Keep tweaking your life, make yourself fun to be around (you may already be, I don't know you). Work on becoming the best version of you, and minimize the impact your daughter's opinion of you has on you.

[Midori]

Hi Esther,

Your daughter sounds, by your description, to be obsessed with wealth, position and appearance. I'm sure you didn't raise her that way, but she seems to have developed it from her CA friends and aquaintances?

She was cruel to you in what she said about your appearance and work. This is down to the sense of entitlement she has developed.

I would suggest going low contact, or even no contact if you can bear to. My daughter is the same. I moved 300 miles into another country to get away from her. Unfortunately, it means I don't see my grandson. But I feel much better here.

Cheers, Midori