Depression at its worst and I am very isolated

I am at the lowest point of my depression where I have suicidal ideation all the time. I moved to a different area, so I have zero friends. I met my husband here, but he does not get what I am going through and does not want to get it. My family - forget it. Mental illness is so invisible and still has a stigma that people in my family do not support me or really care.

[Apinkney]

Hi, what's the doctor said about how you are feeling? How long has it been going on? What meds are you on?

I've had depression for 30 years but with the right treatment you will recover.

[Hidden in reply to Apinkney]

I have med-resistant depression. I have been on anti-depressants since I was in my early 20s and I am now 49. I had a therapist, but it cost a lot of money and it just was not a good fit. I was going to her for years, she was so kind and did care. However, straight talk therapy does not work for me. I kept asking her if she had something different for PTSD and she would ignore the question. Then she did something strange on our last visit and I just cut it off.

[samack in reply to Hidden]

I am going to give you my opinion based on my experiences. I too have med resistant depression. Therapists, and I've had plenty, don't know or don't admit their limits. And we pay a boat load of money to be "talking with no change. She, no matter how nice she may be, broke the trust between you. Find a therapist who is specialized in trauma and question their knowledge before you enter another therapeutic relationship.

My last 5 years have been hellish. I'm still seeking answers and been through too much already. I'm in new trauma therapy and seeking new meds. A tilt a wheel of existence for now. Always hold to hope.

[Hidden in reply to samack]

When asked about their experience, and how they treat trauma and PTSD, they give vague answers , or, I have found, they will give an answer and you get in there and it is all talk therapy. Talk therapy....just talking over and over about my situation does not help. There has to be a different therapy out there for PTSD and trauma. I have been looking. Also, it is soo expensive that we can't really afford the amount of time I need. Our medical insurance is horrible. $50 per session.

[samack in reply to Hidden]

Are you in US or UK?

[Hidden]

I am in the US. Where are you? I am not sure if this is UK and US or both.

[Hidden]

You might try journalling. It helps me when I get too many interfering thoughts popping up. I used to get very intense bouts of emotion and writing about it really helped calm me down. Also nobody else sees what you write and that can help to stay honest with yourself. I often used to lie to my therapist about how bad my state of mind was because I thought she would see me as a monster. That meant the therapy sessions were totally pointless and I just stopped going.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I will try that. Thanks.