During last winter I was dealing with severe depression because I moved to a new place all be my self for school and lectures were difficult to follow(I joined first semester Online due to Covid) and I realized that I really have low self esteem , I couldn't hang out with new classmates and I constantly had the idea that don't really like me(I'm okay with that actually I don't like my self that much either ). I was depressed and couldn't even talk about it with my mom (she gets upset and tells me that you don't deserve to be happy in the new place and its all up to you to look at the bright side) so I spend all the time in my room at dormitory crying.
Then some thing happened I moved to another place for this summer and there is this beautiful river near the place I live and I started to run for the first time in my life. I remember one day I got up at 6:30 in the morning and went for a run, I felt so active and happy and I remember when I run near the lake I looked at the sky and the clouds never looked better; so for the first time I was grateful to be alive and it was like my inner self(I don't know whether its a word or not but I mean a little girl who is buried under depression and anxiety for so long) could take a deep breath and just for the first time I looked at the sky and I suddenly felt that how good it is to be alive and not be depressed. I continued running for almost 1 month and half and then suddenly 2 weeks ago I fell from stairs and twisted my ankle so hard that I almost fainted. they took me to the hospital and while I was in the hospital I was subbing for not being able to run anymore, the thing is running was like a therapy for me and I used to run from depression and the fact that I wont be able to run for the next 2 months really broke me. the worst part is that exactly 5 days before this accident, I started to list all the thing that I am grateful for and in the first line I wrote that I am grateful for my strong legs, because I can run with them and then BOM!! like god has some kind of personal problems with me !
But there is something bright and odd in my life at the moment, at first I was furious and I couldn't believe that life took the most important thing in my life but now that I think about it I think that it was just an accident and I'm glad that I didn't lose my foot for ever and in 2 months I'll be able to use them again and I am not depressed anymore, If there is one thing that I learned in this summer is that : " life begins on the other side of despair" and as long as we are alive there is still hope.
I know that there are people out there dealing with problems much worse than my twisted ankle and my story seems like a joke to them but I believe that HOPE is all we got, at least for now.
Written by
Caroline_24
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Not a joke at all. You found something you enjoyed and that lifted you out of the depression rut. That was enough to do it so well done.
Usually we do things because we are motivated but depression is different in that we have to do something to be motivated first. That is the principle behind urging people not to give in their fears and ie stay in bed all day crying as that will never make you feel better. You have learned a very valuable lesson there and you will never forget it.
Keep yourself as fit as possible while you can't run and this can be your motivation until then.
you are right getting something that motivates you during depression is the hardest thing and I did it and I really hope to get back to it as soon as possible.
You are welcome. You will find too that as you get back some interest in life other good things will start happening as well. It's like a domino effect. And I speak from experience!
You can swim and not kick . You can do resistance bands weight training from home. You can do you tube chair aerobics till the cows come home . You got this!
you are always so kind to me and world is better place because you are in it.
Well the reason that I get the feeling that people don't like me is that I know that I'm not a funny person and don't enjoy the things that others enjoy. most of them just like to party and drink together but I prefer to stay at home alone and watch movie so I get this vibe from them: What is wrong with you girl?! at the beginning I used to keep up with them since I was new and I wanted to make friends here but it is really hard for me. Once we went for a diner together and when I came back I cried and I really didn't know why (now I think probably it was for the depression but it didn't make any sense)
Now, I'm enjoying my last 2 weeks of holiday, I have to get back to classes from September 6th. and I hope that everything goes well.
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