I am struggling with extreme guilt, remorse and shame about something in my life. I realize that most would say the amount of pain I feel is irrational or disproportionate to the situation.
Nonetheless, I feel extreme pain over it and can't seem to put it into perspective and move on.
(What's especially painful is that I had moved on and was coping for 7 years, but something triggered all that pain again.)
For anyone who has ever felt extreme guilt or remorse about something/someone really important to you, how long does it take for the pain to become manageable?
I'm almost three months into a depression and I'm really struggling to move on and make peace. I think about it absolutely nonstop, from the moment I wake up and until I take an ambien so that I can sleep.
Written by
IndianaGuy
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Are you able to tell us what caused the remorse? It may help you to talk about it, and people here may be able to give you some perspective on it. If you do not feel comfortable talking about it, however, you don't have to. Welcome, as well.
If it’s remorse for an action regarding a person. If possible, sometimes an apology is healing as long as you don’t have expectations of forgiveness. That way, you have done the best you could, learned not to have a repeat and move on. An apology is best in person, but a card, letter or phone call will do. If it’s impossible to make amends, sharing your story with a good friend, relative, therapist or even the clergy will help. Sharing a burden with someone you can trust is very healing.
You may have thought you had moved on, but your occurrence of depression may have caused it to pop back up. Time frame of remorse……hard to tell. My remorse has faded over the years. But in times of stress it can peek back up at me. Everybody is different.
Hi I too have suffered severe depression and anxiety due to something in my past I reached out and had some interpersonal therapy. I’m recovering now because of this
in reply to
Glad to hear this. Thank you for sharing this. I think I need therapy too for something that hurts me too
Whatever may have happened the other person is responsible for their own feelings in respect to it. You can’t make it better for them - they have to do it. We all have to be responsible for ourselves. We can always forgive ourselves and try to do better another time. We are human and we all make mistakes. If it happened to you how soon would you forgive and forget? Really relax and command the negative voices to stop and tell the positive voices to take over and tell you new positive truth about yourself
Thank you to everyone who replied. Basically I feel like I have failed my family over something that seems trivial to outsiders but causes me extreme emotional pain. I can’t tell if it’s the depression causing these thoughts and feelings or vice versa.
You sound like a man with very high principals ...enough to make you feel wretched when you break any....and because you find it hard to move to forgive yourself...may be partly due to your loyalty to the person who taught you those very principals....a father perhaps?
The depression could be reactive...caused by this event...this may contribute to why you find it hard to let this free from your heart and mind.
It also sounds like you have been wrestling with this guilt for such along time....its now part of your everyday life...every thought...
Solutions will come the moment you allow yourself to be forgiven...give yourself a free amnestry pardon for this issue...in order that you can move forward...so that you can concentrate on what really matters....your family...your friends....your peace of mind.
This doesn't mean you have broken any agreement...just symbolically wrapping up the issue in a silk cloth and putting it away so you can live each day with less burden....forgive enough to lessen the grip it has on your life......if this is a bridge too far...seek professional help ..
you cannot let this go overnight with a few carefully chosen words if its been years in the making....but you can figure out the trigger mechanisms...and recognise what you are doing to fuel them.
Guilt is a useless emotion....unless you can pay the price or accept the punishment....sometimes there is no price to pay...if you return it back to the owner....or see it for what it really is...just a thought...that only you can control...
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