I’m literally in such a bad way. I’m in hospital because I blew it with a guy that was so decent. I sent him texts when I thought he was distancing himself yet in fact it was all’s misunderstanding. He now has stopped seeing me because he thought me texting him “ if you’re not interested in me you could’ve let know” was a sign that I was a not right for him. I was so upset by him not giving me a second chance that I hurt myself and nearly died. I then was so angry at him not being understanding of my situation that I texted him this time mean things. Now I know he’s looking for someone better than me. I’m so jealous because she’s just lucky that he’s back abroad now where there is no chance of having to text all the time. I’m so unlucky and have such bad timing. Why is it other women have it so easy like she’ll have it?
I’m destined to be with bad men who treat me bad. I’ve only known horrible men in dating so I don’t think I’ll have another shot of finding a decent guy.
Written by
SarahN123
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Girrrrl we both on that bridge. It is quite a crappy bridge too. You are not alone. And each time you make a mistake(and i can say this cuz ive got some years) you learn and grow and most of all mature. God knows what is best for you and his timing is perfect. Just do your best.
Please know you deserve to find someone who would treat you right. Someone who would be willing to meet you halfway. Your other half should not be someone who mistreats you. There are decent guys out there. I hope you will find that someone special
Sorry youve been so hurt by men. You deserve a good guy, but its you who has to believe that. Its great you realize this was all 'a misunderstanding' but sad the guy you dated didn’t realize that. He obviously didnt have the compassionate and understanding qualities you need right now. But you do have a responsibility to show those kind qualities to yourself and you need those qualities shown to you by others. Remember its ok to talk things out and just have someone to listen to you even if its from friends who care about you. Be kind to yourself. You couldnt help feeling in pain when you was angry. You're not a bad person. You just learning about yourself and how to cope. How do you think you could of coped healthier with distance from a loved one? I ask because I did something similar to you because I was in so much pain when it seemed someone I love was distancing themselves from me. It hurt and I paniced. I learnt I need to be patient with myself through distress. And I need to improve my self esteem. Our value isnt dependent on how others see us. We are loveable anyway. Youre very honest SarahN. That means you can always make progress. And that means one day you can find stability with yourself (most importantly) and this means you will find it with someone else too. You have a right to believe in yourself SarahN even if some people dont. You are SO worth that. Everything will be ok SarahN. Please be patient with yourself. You will get through to the other side of this pain and you will find the stability you need if you want that. Youre going to be ok. 💙
I just didn’t understand why he ended it over a misunderstanding. I only sent three texts saying if he’s not interested just let me know and I’m not too busy to message someone. He saw that as a good enough reason to end it? Why? We hardly know each other for him to make a judgement. He said he only wanted a relaxed thing and no anxiety but dating is always going to have some anxiety especially at the beginning. He also said because he had a difficult time with his ex of six years. But why did he make it work with her? And not even want to go one last date with me to see if we were compatible? I gave him a second chance after he answered the phone to his ex while on a date with me and talking about he was still best friends with her. I didn’t end it because I understood she needed her things but if I was like him I would’ve dumped him. It was so one sided . He could treat me like crap but I couldn’t even be honest about how I felt
You seem like you’re genuinely asking for a reason so can I gently suggest that three texts asking him if he has ghosted you could feel clingy or needy to him?
I’m not clingy. How is that clingy. We had no contact for five days. If I was clingy I would’ve been texting him all the time. He was the one being clingy he kept texting me when he was abroad. So I told him I don’t like texting and said lets chat when he came back to Uk but when he returned he never got in touch so I had to contact him first. You don’t know the full situation.plus I deleted those three texts on WhatsApp but because he had a posh watch he could see those texts I deleted
It sounded like you just needed some reassurance thats all. If someone text me as you did I would realize that they were hurting I would try settle their mind. I have friends who have texted me in a similar way and I try to see it from their point of view. Its part of being kind and looking out for others. I honestly think this guy you was dating didnt want to face any problems. He wanted an easy going life without any need to work through anything. Thats his choice. But we only get out of things what we are willing to put in. Save yourself for a guy who wants to put the work in to a relationship as much as you do. You deserve that. In the meantime distract yourself from the pain of what youve been through and take things one day at a time. You need to take your mind off painful things as best as you can. Some suggestions may be to join a gym and offer to go with someone, start a course and learn something new or offer to help an elderly neighbour with some problems at home. Just some ideas there. There are others no doubt. You will get through this. Just please dont hurt yourself again.
Dont make a permanent decision for something that is only temporary.
You will get through this and you will be happy. It just takes time thats all. And you will find someone good for you in time.
Thank you so much RareBear for all your kind and supportive comments. I feel much better. Yes, it just wasn’t right for me and so even though I’m upset I should see it as a blessing in disguise. I think deep down the main thing why I’m upset is because I should’ve ended things a month ago when he said he’s close friends with the ex. But at least I didn’t waste time on this one.
I understand where youre coming from Sarah. Youre very honest with yourself which is a good quality. Even though you didnt end it as you would have liked at least now you are being decisive now. 😊
He sounds unrealistic and unreasonable to me. If he only wanted something 'relaxed' then he didnt want to take the responsibilty in a relationship anyway. I think you got your answer right there that you wasnt compatible and you didnt need another date. Also, you said you hardly knew one another. So dont worry. You didn’t blow it with a 'good guy'. You hardly knew him to make that judgement. It seems like he was flawed as everyone else to me. Also, just as a side note. Its a big red flag if he is best friends with his ex. Thats just unfair on a prospective girlfriend to bring someone in to a situation with that much complexity. You deserve better Sarah.
I am glad you are safe. I can tell you from experience that if it was meant to be it will be. Most important is for you to take care of yourself now and heal. I have been hurt by men before find someone who is genuine . You will heal I promise.
Firstly, you are Not destined to be with bad men, you are just unfortunate and have made some poor choices so far. We all do that at least once in our lives. Please don't use online dating sites; often they are full of dishonest folk after your money.
I'm guessing you are young; give it time, don't try desperately to cling on to a guy who is looking elsewhere, you will only push him further away. Don't fake an interest in a subject which you can't stand, it never works for long.
Don't get involved with the married guy in the office, he will be using you. There is zero chance he will leave the wife and kids for you, why should he, he has all he needs at home, plus a bit on the side, or two, three or more.
When you get out of the hospital, Don't look for love. Look primarily for friendship, for people who share your interests. Meet up for the first few times in cafes, restaurants, or outdoor events. For the first month or so, Don't go back to his place for coffee; it probably isn't coffee he wants, and bad guys can act like good guys until they get you in their bed. Don't look for the pretty boys, often they are too self absorbed, look instead for a kind person.
Get some help with your self-esteem, a therapist or psychologist may be able to help you here, because self-harm is never an answer. And learn to love yourself; it isn't easy, but it can be done.
Sorry for the straight talking, but I have been there, got the teeshirts and all the toys. I had a partner who suicided; all kinds of legal shenanigans resulted. I've been the victim of a gaslighter, and I have clung to one who really wasn't interested. I've had treatment for depression and learned to love myself, and it makes you more attractive to men. I am disabled now, due to the actions of one of the previous relationships, but It doesn't stop me. I have a pretty alternative sense of humour, which helps immensely.
I'm an old lady nowadays, I brought up my two children solo; they are now adults, and pretty well adjusted.
As a guy I know it's hard to get a relationship going. Did you know why his marriage ended. Was it abuse? Before anyone says anything I want to point out you can verbally abuse someone. How did he talk to her or vice versa. I can see thru your post you seem very genuine to this person. I agree with the one comment about the ghosting. Who knows if they were really trying to make it work again with the ex. Yes I believe there is someone out there for you. You have to have patience. When you find that one person you'll know for sure that he's the one.
She apparently had really bad OCD which gave him OCD. I found this out on the first date. I never asked about his ex or issues but guess I was a dumping ground. They are still friends. She lives in Italy. I told him my concerns and he said he had no romantic feelings for her and they had no chemistry by the sounds of it, that’s why it ended between them. However, he said he only wanted a relaxed thing with the next girl he dates because it seems his ex did a lot of damage. However, if she was difficult why stay friends with her? I asked and he said because she had his back through difficult times. I could’ve ended things because I didn’t want the stress of someone with bad OCD. I guess a woman to him is not allowed to have any feelings, needs or issues. I think like a lot of guys in my age group, they think they are entitled to an unfeeling dummy or surrogate ‘mummy’ who doesn’t have needs. I feel better now. He’s someone else’s problem now. And when his next bit gets upset or opens up about her feelings I’m sure he’ll dump her too and call her obsessive. Thankfully it took him three dates with me, might be a year with the next one. So at least no time was wasted. I don’t think he would ever go back to his ex as it was so platonic. He did say he liked me but because of my ‘behaviour’ with the text messages he ended it saying it reminded him too much of his ex and other girls he dated. He never got in touch with me for five days so I initiated contact. Of course I felt insecure. It was the beginning of something when you should be having phone calls and flirting but he put that back on me and said I didn’t like texting so he was waiting until he was back in the UK. But still, five days is a long time to text someone.
Doesn't sound like you blew it. It's sounds like he did you a favor because he isn't going to let go and you be second fiddle. You're not a second fiddle so find someone who wants you to be their number one. I know it's hard nowadays to find someone good. But its good to do t out now rather than 5 years down the road that they weren't the right one. I learned the hard way and still paying for it.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Depression blew my confidence away
I feel so depressed today
I’m sick but thinking of you guys 💜
hey guys good afternoon
I feel so lonely, tired and depressed. 
