I am the great pretender

[secrets22]

i am the great pretender that i'm doing fine,but in reality i am not coping well,and i think the last 20 months has aged me by at least 10 years.

I worry about everything,i panic,i'm afraid,and yet i always put on this brave persona that everything is well,and i hate to allow any weakness,it is not in my vocabulary.

Today driving to Weston Super Mare i was filled with dread and apprehension,I had to have a satnav fitted on my car,I then had to loiter for 2 hours,going into several outlets,but i had no interest at all,I then sat outside in the rain,sweating like nothing on earth,i see fear and trepidation with every move i make.

I am afraid that the outgoing person i once was,is now struggling with everything and is no longer there.

I will acknowledge that i am more fortunate than many,but i now crave for a much simpler life with far less responsibility.Will i ever get it,i am not sure.

Certainly the loss of my soulmate and rock has put me into areas which abhors me,i just want a simple life without all the stress that responsibility brings,and yet i was always the one that coped exceedingly well...so what on earth is wrong with me,i am like a frightened lamb.

[Rachmaninov2]

It takes a certain strength to open your heart and show your vulnerability secrets, I’m not sure that I would have the strength that you have shown. I wish you well. 🙂🌈

[secrets22 in reply to Rachmaninov2]

thankyou so much.

[Rachmaninov2 in reply to secrets22]

You’re very welcome.

It takes time to adjust to life changes, and you have had a great deal to cope with. Believe in yourself and visualise where you want to be, you can do it. 😊🌸

[Dolphin14]

I'm right beside you as the great pretender. ( good song by the way)I faked most of my life for the sake of everyone's happiness.

I held the anxiety on the inside, no one could see it. Cried when I was alone.

I understand the want for simpler things and less stress. I pushed myself too far and was forced to make changes.

I hope you find where you need to be. You are important.

🐬

[secrets22 in reply to Dolphin14]

oh thats me to a T.

[libragirl73]

Hi there. It's as if I wrote this myself. I know exactly what you are feeling. I am overwhelmed with every day duties that I once excelled at with no issues. My anxiety and fear makes the little obstacles I face seems like mountains to climb, when before they were just a few steps, that were easy and required very little thought. Now everything seems like a project. Making decisions is hard, and then some decisions I make perpetuate the anxiety I feel; making me frightened to make any. I don't feel confident or secure as I used to. I ran my life to the best of my ability, and now I feel like a child. I don't like weakness or failure and I too put on a brave face at times until I can no longer hide the emotions. I am totally with you on this. It is incredibly difficult and I hope you have the support you need at this time to help guide you into a better place. Panicking 24/7 is not fun. It is exhausting and can feel alien to those who once thrived as an independent. I am here if you need to chat.

[secrets22 in reply to libragirl73]

oh those mountains do become overwhelming ,especially if one is living alone.x

[Jeff1943]

secrets22, I disagree: anxiety disorder is not a weakness. Those who experience it, such as yourself, are among the bravest of the brave. We have been overwhelmed by too much stress, we have passed the threshold of tolerance. It can happen to anybody as the roll call of the famous throughout history has shown.

Time now to look to your recovery. Be reassured that what you are experiencing is extremely common, nothing unique about any of your symptoms. Understand that you can recover but not by tea time tomorrow.

First address the stress factors that have caused you so much anxiety that you have lost the ability or desire to cope. Restructure your life, major changes will probably be needed, you may need to be ruthless.

Maybe some things cannot be changed at the moment. Then look at them from another viewpoint that sees something positive in them after all. Remember, the anguished mind always makes things seem ten times worse than they are, always the worst case scenario!

If not possible then I suggest you consider anti anxiety medication, not forever but for the duration of that which stresses you. Maybe there are others you must provide for, it will not always be that way.

Those with anxiety disorder are not only brave, they are among the most kind hearted too.

Anxiety disorder is all about fear and the fear of fear. We fear our symptoms and add second fear to the flash of first fear when they come. In reality, our symptoms are paper tigers: they will not destroy you, disable you or make you lose your mind. The power of anxiety is limited though it may not seem like it at the time.

If only you could lose your fear of those unpleasant symptoms, it's the second fear you add that gives them the power to return, a vicious circle of our own creation.

All you have to do, I suggest, is 'accept' the bad symptoms for the moment. Agree to co-exist with them for the time being, accept the bad feelings and thoughts. You know they are creations and exaggerations of unquiet minds.

Certainly don't fight them, fighting only adds more stress and strain. Let them come, switch onto automatic pilot and float through them.

When they sense that you no longer fear them they will cease to trouble you soon enough. Give it time, you spent a while getting into this state, allow a little more time to effect your recovery. Not my words but those of Claire Weekes who summed it all up in six words:

Face. Accept. Float. Let time pass.

secrets22, I wish you all speed in your advance to recovery.

[b1b1b1 in reply to Jeff1943]

The floating is the hard part. Do you have any thoughts on the best ways to float, and exactly what "floating" in this context means? Thanks, Jeff.

[Jeff1943 in reply to b1b1b1]

Once you are ready to accept for the time being your troublesome symptoms you need to move forward and fill your day with work, family care and recreation. First impression may be that this involves a tremendous effort that you do not possess.

Claire Weekes' concept of floating is designed to overcome this. Simply imagine you are being carried forward by some powerful force that involves no effort on your part. It's like switching onto auto pilot.

After a while the illusion comes naturally and you need no self effort to propel yourself forward through whatever comes your way.

[b1b1b1 in reply to Jeff1943]

Jeff, thank you. This is a very helpful explanation. b1

[secrets22 in reply to Jeff1943]

thankyou so much Jeff....this is so helpful and thought provoking.

[EndUser13]

I love that song, though it's a bit sad too.

I can appreciate the "fake it til you make it" approach, concerning you putting on a brave face but feeling terrified.

Change is one constant you CAN count on, perhaps you'll get back to more of your old self. Sometimes it can be such an effort to make a worthwhile effort, but it's worth the effort (sorry for the redundancy).

My sympathies, I know far too well what it is like for fear to be a controlling factor in your life and how hard it is to lose someone you love so deeply.

Remember to pace yourself, perhaps moving from one rock to another, and hopefully, with time and effort, you'll feel more like your old self. I wish I had something more profound to offer... but I hear you.

[Operalady]

Hi use support groups and your doctor to cope with this. Venting helps bring clarity and strengthens your self ! Dear God I pray for you. I understand .I blame myself too! Feels terrible trying to distroy yourself! Don’t do it. Leads to more endless suffering. Get counciling, support groups. Talk talk it out!let it out let go!