It's been a while since I posted on here... In the past 6 months, I've lost another 40 lbs (76 in total), I got a new job, went back to school, am in the process of moving out and buying my own place, and I worked on previous trauma.... Everything has been going right recently, but I still feel awful all the time.
I thought the changes I've made over the past year would help me feel better about myself (physically, mentally and emotionally), and it did for a bit. But now I feel just like I did a year ago. I'm so exhausted, my motivation is dwindling and I am just sad all the time again. I don't understand it. Why did I spend all this time working on myself if I am still gonna feel like s**t. It's like I've come full circle, sitting up late at night debating trying medication because I don't know what else to do.
I shouldn't feel like I hate myself every day anymore.....I thought I fixed this s**t.
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EJ7215
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Change even good change is still very stressful. The changes you need most are not physical ones but changing the way you respond and learning healthier behaviours. By this I don't mean eating better or exercising more though that is good but emotional ones. You need to learn better coping mechanisms so maybe therapy would help?
You are not going to be able to change just like that and when you think of how long it took to become like this it will also take time to start changing things. You need to work out why you feel so sad and then tackle it. In other words what is behind your sadness?
I have been in therapy, for a few years now and it does help. I appreciate the advice, thank you. I know I avoid talking about why I feel sad. I feel worse right after so I avoid it but I know it's better long term
Yes I get that. Therapy isn't easy is it? It's very painful going through it and facing up to difficult emotions. Sometimes though you have no choice otherwise it keeps popping up again and spoiling your present and future.
I think of it like having boxes in your head - boxes that are filled with poison. It's fine maybe for years but eventually they start to leak and devastate your life turning it into a shambles and you into an emotional mess. If it does get to that stage then you have no choice but to decide to face it or not.
Hypercat is right on the money! Also, if you read my post from earlier today you’ll see that I thought I fixed my s**t too. I bet there’s a lot that you really did “fix”. But it’s the black and white, all or nothing thinking that makes us think that if we aren’t *all* better (meaning we’ll never feel these feelings again?) then we (excuse the grammar) haven’t done nothin. That is so untrue. It’s only fair for you to give yourself credit for what you *have* done...and I bet it’s way more than you think......
You are right, I should look at the things I have done. I know I've worked on a fair amount, just sometimes it feels like I've worked on nothing. I know it's not true but i struggle changing the mindset
You mentioned previous trauma. Sometimes trauma can’t be fixed in 6 months.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with talking to your doctor about medication while you keep working on you. I’ve been on medication for 4 years. I’m just now feeling like I’m making progress in my body, brain, and mind. I spent the last year doing therapy, then neurofeedback, then physical therapy/chiropractor/massage.
Honestly, I think the work on my body has helped my brain the most.
When emotional trauma is not processed and healed in a healthy way, the trauma is stored in the body. When you care for the body, the brain receives an “all is well” signal.
So much of the physical pain and so many of the health conditions we experience are manifestations of unhealed emotional pain.
The piper will be paid. If we ignore emotional trauma, it doesn’t go away. It just goes deeper and festers.
That makes sense. I was able to bury everything for years. I didn’t realize there was a serious “infection” festering under the surface.
I had some big changes in my life and everything started erupting. Then I got to a point that I realized I needed medication to be able to function.
The journey to feeling healthy is definitely a marathon, not a sprint! Setbacks are frustrating but COMPLETELY NORMAL. Growth and healing are not linear. It’s up and then down, up and then down.
For me, after making progress and seeing growth in myself, I often fall back into feeling poorly again for a while. I think it's because I start putting pressure on myself, like "Alright, I'm not messed up anymore! I can be important and achieve things! I have to hurry up now so I can be normal/awesome!" But that's really all self-judgment ("I was messed up, I'm not important unless I achieve certain things, I'm not normal, not awesome"), and it makes me feel shame, low self-worth.
To get stronger against that tendency I have to practice seeing worth in myself at every stage, wherever I'm at. A phrase I like to remind myself of is that "my light is shining." Your light was shining even a year ago, even if you found more ways of letting the light show since then. You were worthwhile even where you were at six months ago, or a year ago.
Anyway, sometimes when we start feeling better, we start judging ourselves for the times when we didn't feel well, and that hurts.
Those are exactly the thoughts going through my head. I ride the roller-coaster so to speak...I ride the high of fixing one problem and then crash back down when self-judgement hits. My therapist keeps trying to get me to do positive self talk but I guess Im not good at keeping it going.
But I love the phrase you use for yourself. I think im gonna try using it and see if it works better than what I have done. Thank you
I am sorry things are so though yet, you certainly have made a great deal of progress. Sometimes we just need some help to break free of that darkness that surrounds us. It's hard, really hard, and it sometimes seems even more difficult to reach out to our doctors or our counselors for help. Whatever trauma you faced, you have probably been dealing with for quite awhile, it's going to take time to make sense of everything and even though you are are making substantial physical changes (congratulation on that!!!!) it's going to take time to heal the emotional side of things. The hardest part, it's difficult to see progress when it's emotional healing. Don't be afraid to reach out and talk to a physician, there's no shame in seeking treatment, I have been there, and reaching out was the scariest but healthier step I ever took. Prayers, I hope you can find the support you need....
Its been a long time dealing with the things of my past. And unfortunately they are brought up (not by me) more often than I would like. I do have my therapist who I really like but I don't know if it's enough so I've been considering medication again.
Also thank you, I really appreciate the support! All these responses have helped a lot.
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I want to feel normal again 
Birthday is tomorrow and I feel so depressed 
I feel it getting bad again
I feel so lonely, tired and depressed. 
I am new here. I just want to feel alive again.
