I was raised by a single mother with who needed care due to MH condition, at a young age - I took care of my mom, then my children, and now my mom has passed, and my children are grown. I moved to a new state, took a new job. Finally able to live my own life freely.
Anxiety and Depression has taken over - it is debilitating. I made it this far, made through cancer all manner challenges only to feel shame, and this buzzing anxiety . I am self-harming by grossly overeating - which i had avoided up until this point in my life.
I know I was raised to feel my value was only in how I serve others, yet I know that is not the case. I know I have a right to live and love to be a full human being - and yet here I am in my wallow.
I joined this group to be honest - to put my real self out there. I am hopeful this will help, it is the hiding that causes the shame to grow
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watercello
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Hi it sounds to me like you have been so used to living your life around others that you aren't sure how to use your freedom now. Maybe you have neglected your own needs as well.
I think therapy could help you to adjust to your new found freedom. Once Covid is controlled try getting yourself out and about as much as possible and make new friends. Once you adjust I think you will discover a whole new lease of life.
Yes, I think so as well. I am working on seeing a therapist - I tried a few times in the past- but I just did that thing where I lied to the therapist also. I am just so afraid. My grandmother lived through the start of mental health care in the usa. You know actually torture. Then my mom went through the next generation of State Hospital care. and well you know I have escaped treatment (:
But now everyone will be ok without me- so am ready to take the risk. I know its not actually a huge risk- objectivity, but I have and generations of historical family trauma. It is deep fear,
You need a therapist to teach you to take care of you. You are a carer so take care of the most important patient, you.... For so long you have sat in the back and waited silently, patiently while everyone else was on stage performing and getting your applause. You are on stage and we see you the daughter, the mother, the nurse, the maid, the carer you are. We are clapping for you and throwing flowers. Now the feeling of relief is there and you feel peace knowing that everyone is where they are because you and your unconditional love. Find that for yourself everything else will fall into place. Gentle hugs 🤗🤗
Are your children supportive of you and your mh needs? Sorry if too personal just asking. I have talks with mine to let them know we need to stick together and I feel relieved for a while after hearing them talk to me and understand how I'm feeling with my mh.
Well up until I moved they were, and now there has been a shift. That was a kick in the teeth- did not see that coming.
Now two are supportive and I feel respected by them, the other two are shaming and blaming me.
It is a no-win situation, as they are acting as if they are my parents, and well that is not something I accept.
Nonetheless, I am coming to terms with this new state of affairs. It healthy for them to have space as young adults trying to come to terms with their places in the world and who they are- who they want to be.
At this point, I would say they are angry at me for my pain, angry that I have been open with them - I expect If I had not been open with them, they would be angry at me for that.
Life is rough and confusing and people imagine that grass is greener on the other side
It is not until we walked those distant hills that we understand that people are doing the best they can,
I know they are doing the best they can and love and respect them- and wish them only the best.
My job is to avoid being kicked - emotionally in the teeth.
Thank you for asking
Have you read or heard of the book Codependent No More??? I've read it in the past and I believe that might be good for you to read.
It's hard when you've lived your entire life serving others. I watched one of my family members go through this. I think in that situation, you can do one of two things. You can embrace the freedom of living a life now where you are the only person you have to worry about--try to think of how much lighter the load will be knowing that any decisions you make only affect you and not having to think about anyone else-- or you can find a way to use your time giving care to others. My family member took a job sitting overnight with an elderly woman. The woman was still mobile, but was in her 90s and afraid to be alone at night. It was ready work for my family member and she felt she was still making a difference for someone. Or you could volunteer at an animal shelter. I go to one near my house and just pick a dog or cat that looks sad or has been there a long time and give them lots of love and cuddles.
I have binge eating disorder myself and understand how destructive it can be. I'm my worst years, I gained over 200 lbs in a 3 year span and I'm still working on losing the rest of it. Therapy was my godsend for learning how to manage it.
Oh my goodness. There are so many layers to the damage done to you by your childhood. It’s not your mother’s fault but she was supposed to take care of you. Your emotional needs mattered.
Then you survived cancer? You are such a warrior! A brave, nurturing warrior.
My father was the one with MH but my mother focused on him and neglected me. I was taught that my feelings and needs did not exist. There was only my father.
I highly recommend the work of Dr. Brene Brown, especially her book Daring Greatly.
How, painful to have your mother there, and Not there. Sounds like we had pretty similar childhoods. and we have both made it this far. I say we both rock - we always have.
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xx
first time on online group
How do you cope with nights when you live alone?
My mother was my first country, the first place i ever lived 
Living alone and feeling more lonely than ever right now
This is my first time
