Anyone else a paralyzed perfectionist?

[Mechanic_extrodinair]

Curious if anyone else becomes paralyzed by fear and anxiety and procrastinates because of it? I seem to be ALWAYS on edge. Sometimes I just shut down and can't continue on even with relatively simple things.

[Mumma_h]

Absolutely!! I’ve had this before too, you’re not the only one!!💕After a close family member losing it with me I just shut down. Nothing inside me said do something, I couldn’t do a thing. I really want to give you some good advice, This might sound silly, please don’t be offended, but I remember when I felt it my anxiety coming on , I would FORCE my self somehow to get out in my veg garden and just go for it, pulling out weeds , digging the soil ..... hard work but by the end of it, I was soooo tired , yet felt accomplished, couldn’t wait for shower and dinner, it really worked for me . Is there some kind of hard work you could do today that you’ve wanted to accomplish. Would do it today but it’s raining and have appointment soon. Having a pretty crappy day today myself, depressed and anxious too. If you’re really unable , and I know what that feels like, then just know that you don’t deserve to feel this way , that even if you did nothing at all but watch tv or listen to music, then that’s ok !!!!!! you are still worth sooooo much !!!!!💕🙏saying a prayer for you now😇🙏💕

[Mechanic_extrodinair in reply to Mumma_h]

Thank you so much for responding. It helps knowing I am not alone. I do sometimes throw myself into something full throttle to help me focus. Thank you for the validation. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. As for the root of it all. I had an abusive family growing up but my siblings were abused but not me. I learned that if I did everything perfectly people around me were happy. as I got older I began to "fix" everyone around me by pushing myself to higher and higher expectations. It is something I am work on now. Just try to take it day by day.

[Mumma_h]

Also getting to the root of your anxiety can be helpful. Was it something someone said or did , even if it’s long ago ,it’s helpful for me anyway. To remember when I first felt this way and it made me realise it’s not my fault, it made me feel a little better 💕

[Opportunity]

I was going to comment earlier but I’ve been working on my post for six hours to get it just right.

Just kidding! 🤗🤗🤗

I hope that made you laugh a little. I know what it’s like to procrastinate, for fear of messing up. Do you have a sense of what you’re fearing most? Is there a voice in your head (sort of) that is telling you things like, “You need to do this right, or else!”

I like what Mumma_h says.... you’re ok just sitting there a moment (or three!). You’re worthy, and you matter— and that doesn’t ever change even if you make mistakes or don’t do things completely right sometimes. I wish someone had taken us upon their knee when we were little and said, “In this house, we celebrate mistakes.” If you didn’t get that, give yourself that message now. And goe owt and makie misteaks!

😊

[Mechanic_extrodinair in reply to Opportunity]

Thank you for that. I needed to hear that. It makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one that hears "that voice". Mine often tells me, no matter how well I do at something, that it SHOULD have been better. It says that I am not allowed to make mistakes. I am trying now to get to a point where I don't mind the miss-steaks (see I can do it!).. You did make me laugh and hopefully I made you laugh a little as well. Thanks you for reaching out to me.

[Opportunity in reply to Mechanic_extrodinair]

Wonderful!!😀

[Kainan]

Yeah I get that. I'm like that too. I used to write a response to a post and had to make it perfect to just the way I see it and had to make sure the other person knows exactly what I mean. And I would write and write and end up second guessing myself and eventually I would delete parts of it or even up to the entire thing. It's awful because it really gets in the way of the flow of things. And that's not just with writing, it can spill into other areas of life too. I try to remind myself that not being perfect is ok, rarely things in life are. Yeah so you are not alone

[Mechanic_extrodinair in reply to Kainan]

Thanks. It is nice to know there are other like me. People who know the struggle. I have been having to remind myself a lot lately that it is ok to not be perfect.

[Dancer2020]

I'm the same way. I get overwhelmed easily and then don't do anything. Sometimes go back to bed and think I'll do it tomorrow and a few tomorrows later I still haven't done anything. I also have trouble staying focused and I didn't used to be that way. You're not alone. I'm also glad to know it's not just me.

[Mumma_h]

I think we should do a poll; hands up those who have been abused in some way . I have a hunch that a LOT of us here have been abused somewhere, along the way . Wether it’s bullying, childhood abuse , emotional abuse..... and so on . My 21 year old son has always been the stable one in the family, the easy one , the one that’s caused no trouble , always happy and funny and his presence just makes life better and is a high achiever always striving for better and better. I’ts come to light recently he is struggling with mental health issues, and know matter how much I tell him it’s ok to talk he rarely does , sometimes but in his own time and I have to be prepared to listen well he does. He witnessed abuse from my husband towards me , mostly verbal and mental abuse , was and is protective to his little sister and the others . So I know what you’re talking about , I won’t pretend to know exactly how you feel that’s for sure but I get it !!!! I want everyone to feel validated!!!! Even if there wasn’t abuse everyone’s mental health should be validated!! It’s important, you’re important, we’re all important!! Depression and anxiety is no joke , it’s the worst thing I’ve been through in my life . If it was easy to just think it away then there’d be no therapists!!! There’s ALWAYS a consequence to abuse no matter how long ago , I’m 47 and just starting to deal with childhood abuse now . You are not alone !!!!💕

[designguy]

Oh hell yes sometimes. I've dealt with this on and off for years and consider myself a "recovering" perfectionist - lol. I suggest looking into childhood emotional neglect (CEN) as the origin of perfectionism. There is good information on Dr. Jonice Webb's website as well as others.

[Mechanic_extrodinair in reply to designguy]

I will definitely look into that website designguy. It was childhood trauma that caused mine. A lot has come to light in the last couple of years that I am just coming to grips with. Funny you put it the way you did as well. I go through times where I am better and times when it is much worse. I guess I am "recovering" as well

[designguy in reply to Mechanic_extrodinair]

You're welcome. I also had childhood trauma (bullying) and developed anxiety disorder but I think it was also exacerbated by emotional neglect in my family dynamic. Glad to hear you're "recovering" as well. Some days I laugh at myself when I find myself getting caught up in the perfectionistic spiral. Also, check out complex ptsd (c-ptsd) if you're not already familiar with it.

[Mechanic_extrodinair in reply to designguy]

I will check it out. My therapist has mentioned that to me. Thank you so much for the great information. I have found that learning as much as I can about this disorder ahs helped me a lot.

[Mechanic_extrodinair]

I cannot tell you how much it has helped me to meet and speak with others who share the same feelings and struggles that I have. Thank you all so much for reaching out to me and sharing your own experiences. I recently reached out to my estranged sister only to have her reject me. Needless to say It started that voice in my head that is always questioning. "Why am I not good enough for her?". Like Mumma, I bet we all have suffered trauma from those close to us. I think if we are all there to support each other and listen and validate each other as we struggle then we might all find a way to live as a perfectionist, but not a crippled one. Again to each of you thank you so much. Please all of you know that you guys can message me anytime you need to vent, or talk or just get things off your chest. I promise I will listen and not judge. I know this because I am coming from the same place as all f you.