Turning 40

[ronnellstc]

I turn 40 tomorrow, and never in a million years did I think my life would turn out the way it has. I haven't posted in some time and I could really use the help. I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years, I love this man to the moon, but he seems to thrive on drama, we have had issues w/ our neighbors that could have been addressed "behind the scenes" instead of talking shit. MY son has been in the hospital recently. It is all too much for me. I feel as if Im in a constant state of panic and anxiety trying to fix things for everyone else. I do have an appt w/ a Psychologist tomorrow and I am hoping this helps me. Please just send me any words of wisdom or tips you do to help deal with stress and anxiety.

[hypercat54]

Stop trying to fix things for everyone. Ok you are responsible for your child but not a grown man. You aren't his mother! I know it must be very difficult at the moment but make sure you get some Me time every day as well even if it's only for a short time. You can't be everything to everyone and some things will resolve themselves naturally and don't need action.

That's my words of wisdom! I hope it helps you a bit.

[ronnellstc in reply to hypercat54]

I know and I need to remind myself that even though he is my fiance' it is not my job to fix things he messed up.

[Agora1]

Hi ronnellstc Words of wisdom come from life's experiences. Through time we learn

that we can't help everyone unless we help ourselves first. Life is never perfect, no matter

how other's portray it. We need to handle our stress and anxiety by accepting what we can't

change and changing what we can.

Doing it any other way is like hitting our head against the wall. It's not going to give so why

keep harming ourselves.

I'm sorry your son was recently hospitalized. I hope that he is doing better. When our life

becomes one state of panic and anxiety, getting professional help is the way to go. We can

support you because we understand what it's like to live every day with an adrenaline rush.

Good Luck with your appointment with the psychologist tomorrow.

I also want to wish you a Happy Birthday! Make sure you treat yourself.

Best Wishes new friend. You are taking important steps forward in feeling better xx

[Fearoffear]

Happy Birthday 🎉🎁🎉 I understand where you are coming from completely. I have just adopted mantras to keep me going. For years it was God only gives us what we can handle, but I think he overestimated me. Now it's if it doesn't get done today I will try again tomorrow. It's hard I'm a people pleaser and my mom instilled help til it hurts so I have just started using the word no and sometimes it works and sometimes I feel guilty. I feel better when I write things down like I'll write what I have to do and what I am asked to do and I rate them and then I tell them yes or no. If they don't understand tough for them they better learn to accept or that will be their problem. Don't overwhelm yourself. You have two responsibilities, one to yourself and the other to your son. Good luck and gentle hugs 🤗🤗

[b1b1b1]

I have an adult stepdaughter. She is married to a man who likes to constantly brag about himself - I really mean constantly. The worst of it is that while he is moderately successful he really doesn't have that much to brag about. The rest of the family dislikes him to the point of trying to avoid seeing them. Interestingly, however, they are happily married. I have paid attention to her behavior around him. What she does is to simply ignore his behavior. She pays absolutely no attention by word or action. She doesn't try to change him or even give subtle hints that he is acting like an a$$. Since you love this man, maybe this technique would be worth trying.

[ronnellstc in reply to b1b1b1]

I know it sounds shallow, but i am concerned about what he does, and how it affects me in my personal and professional life. I need to work on not caring and not being a fixer

[Jeff1943]

Your problems seem worse than they are. When we experience high anxiety our nerves get sensitive and make every problem seem ten times greater.

Give your son the comfort and help he needs at the moment and leave the rest to the doctors. And tell your guy what you think is a better way to handle things.

But if he isn't going to learn then you're going to have to live with it.

You don't have to try to control everything other people do or think, just make sure you don't have to take the consequences for other peoples' mistakes.

[ronnellstc in reply to Jeff1943]

You're right, i dont have to control everything, and that is something i need to deal with. I have been the "fixer" for so long that I do not know any other way.

[Antagone]

⬆️ What they said ⬆️

[Opportunity]

Happy Birthday to you!!! I once went to a meeting for partners of alcoholics, and I heard one thing that changed my life. The person said, “Let them drink. Let them be. If they want to go to the bar, let them go to the bar. If they want to get ten shots, let them get ten. If they want to drive drunk with you as a passenger, let them drive drunk with you as a passenger. [I did draw a line here, but that’s what he said.] Don’t interfere with their drinking at all. Never say it’s too much, or try to stop them. Let them be.” I had dated an alcoholic guy for about three years but the first night I let him be was the night we broke up. I saw him for what he really was.

[Antagone]

🎉🎂 Happy Birthday!

[SirGrits]

Hey ronnellstc letting go is hard. Don't beat yourself up too hard for struggling with that. Don't beat yourself up too hard for caring either. Listen to your psychologist, but my guess is that if you keep working on letting things go in the moment you'll learn that the world doesn't rest on your shoulders.Talk to your psychologist about your guy too. He/she would give you the best tips for dealing with him. My guess is that your trying to change him is adding fuel to the drama fire that he seems to "like". The way to stop a fire is to remove the fuel. If you're part of that, then remove the source. That doesn't mean leave the relationship, it means work on whatever you need to because you love him. It might be as simple as "letting go" (as hard as that is for us humans to do).

God speed.

[Hidden]

Hey listen, turning 40 is mid life crisis time for a lot of people. I freaked out when I turned 40. But now I'm 50 and I feel a little more at peace. We all go through ups and downs.

[EuroJoy]

Sorry to hear. Belated happy birthday. Hope your appt with psychologist was helpful. I find praying really helps me calm down.