Stressed at work, being targeted

[VDC1]

One of my supervisors is targeting me and assigning me more work and shittier jobs on purpose, because it’s personal. The kick is I’m actually friends with the guy, or I used to be, and still pretend to be, but he feels more pressure to impress his boss than he does to be loyal to me, and I believe partially because of my personality, he has decided to target me and play games with me. I’m hesitant to complain because it might cause me even more grief from the constant stress of interacting with him after he knows I complained about him, but I might have to do it. It’s an F’ed up situation. I’m not quite sure what I can do that will cause me the least stress. It’s a very complicated situation and I need to mull over it. And look for a new job... I’m one of the so-called lucky ones that has kept my job throughout the pandemic, but like many others on here, work can cause extreme stress. It’s not good for my mental or physical health. I need to think about this carefully.

[VDC1]

Thanks for the response buddy. Yeah I’m really not sure right now. There’s no easy answer and easy solution. I need to sleep on it and think about it. Drama is a part of life and sometimes it’s really hard to avoid it

[Roxylox]

I heartily sympathise. I was bullied by a senior staff member in work, and instead of standing up for me, the boss ran me down to fellow workers on personal traits, and continued to hob-nob with the bully. I thought I had gotten on well with this boss, and had foolishly shared confidences with her. She was not the person I thought she was,. This was 4 months into lockdown last year

In my case, it was not a high-powered job, or one that I loved any longer., it was a part-time menial job. Your case could be very different. I left because of the stress and threat to my mental and physical health. I suppose tread carefully, good idea to apply for new job while deciding. In my case I still had a one day a week job with another business. That premises was, and still is closed during lockdown, so in my case I knew that I still had that little job to fall back on. As you say yourself your case is complicated, but I sympathise so very much at the unfairness you're experiencing, I wish you luck in your difficult decision.

[VDC1 in reply to Roxylox]

I appreciate your response and the support. You were really in a similar situation. I think you were really smart to give yourself option by splitting your time elsewhere. That’s a good idea really

[DodgeDhanda]

He isn't your friend so stop pretending. He is trying to get ahead off your hard work. What is your company policy on victimisation & bullying ? If you make a complaint do it in writing only & ask all meetings to be minuted. Hopefully your employer is smart enough to stop it all

[VDC1 in reply to DodgeDhanda]

I appreciate your honest response and I think you’re right sir. I absolutely could complain but what complicates the situation is I did used to be friends with him and many of my coworkers and other bosses are also friends with me and him. Finding another solution might be less stressful overall. Really I just need another job

[DodgeDhanda in reply to VDC1]

Well I suggest you search for another job & still raise your concerns & if anyone in the hierarchy don't act then they are making your job untenable & thats not right. We go to work to be a productive member of the workforce & that person dumping work on you is unfair , it's the same as if he made a lewd comment to a female worker. Work is supposed to be a safe place to work & not be bullied. There is another option & that is slow down so that person shares it out or make silly mistakes bought on by undue pressure. Ignore the last one as no doubt you take pride in your work.

I think you need to speak to your friend & ask him why he keeps dumping extra work on you over others. If you do speak to him do it outside of work & then deny it ever happened especially if you need to punch him one in the face.

Good Luck & I hope you solve this & soon & if you do let me know

[VDC1 in reply to DodgeDhanda]

I think you’re 100% correct. What I’ve done is slow down because I’m risking injury if I give in to the pressure. That has caused him to attempt to bully me even more. I have previous injuries that I deal with every day, so it’s like I have no choice but to ignore the pressure to work faster or harder than I already do. I think I need to continue what I’m doing. Ultimately if I get talked to from management it would be an opportunity to defend myself or lodge a complaint. I’m better off pissing him off than becoming more injured than I already am. Part of me just wants to quit and force myself to find work elsewhere. I’ll keep you posted. Thanks again

[DodgeDhanda in reply to VDC1]

I agree, it's obvious he doesn't care about you SO you have to & as I like to say if you don't look after yourself then you can't help anyone else. Also these injuries... if they happened in the work place did they get reported & documented ?

Please put your own safety before this persons bonus .

[Hidden]

You are not alone. I am here with you! It is not a fun place to be. Somewhere between silently taking all his s^*t or complaining to HR, there is a middle way of setting boundaries. (Easier said than done). I highly recommend you peruse this site called outofthefog.net. Or outofthefog.website. You will see a whole bunch of traits that toxic people have, and how to navigate through their bullying storm. It’s a very well-written site, that I think was written by the same psychologists who wrote Boundaries. This boss of yours is exhibiting some belittling traits. You deserve to be treated with respect and to be a valued part of the team. You also will need courage to speak up and say what you want: “I don’t want to do x because ....”. “My plate is full right now. It would be irresponsible of me to take this work without pointing out that my plate is full already.” My guess is if you push back even a little.... he’ll back off. You’re just so easy to give work to. Make it less easy. Even a little. Baby steps. Knowledge is power!! 🌿🌱🪴😀. Good luck to you!!

[VDC1 in reply to Hidden]

I really appreciate the advise. I briefly checked that site and when I have time I’ll look some more. I think it’s true there’s something to be learned about dealing with narcissistic personalities and other personalities. It’s a part of life I suppose. Complaining to HR is definitely not always the best solution. And you’re right that bullies often quickly back down when there’s push back. Thanks again

[Hidden in reply to VDC1]

Awesome! And remember that we’re all here for you if you need to talk. 😀🌈