Growing up I wanted to be a hero. Grew up watching 80s cartoons seeing heroes do great things. Best part is its a simple idea, do the right thing no matter what. I have failed to be a hero to a single person. "But you have kids, you are their hero." Who hasn't heard that line. I do have kids and they have seen the villian I am. So there is no misunderstanding I have never hurt them but they have seen my anger, my depression, my hatred for life. I'm not a hero, I'm not special, I am forgettable, replaceable and expendable.
My challenge is to accept what I am and find a way forward.
Written by
JAFOman
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4 Replies
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I completely disagree that you are a villain. If anything what you have just described proves you are human. You have pain and suffering and hurt. It runs deep and it shows but that doesn't mean you yourself are horrible. You have some things to work on but again that doesn't mean that you are a bad person. And I also disagree that you are not a hero. I am not saying this in terms of your kids but you are the hero of your story. You have the power to be there for you and that makes you a hero to yourself. While none of us are exceptional we are all unique and we all have some form of value that we bring to the table. Even the most self hating of us, and I am in this group with you, have things about us that are good that other people like. The challenge isn't to accept the negative thoughts. Because those thoughts are lies. The challenge is to challenge the negative thoughts to see the value that you possess. We all have a dark side to us. Anyone who says they don't is a liar. The goal is to accept that part of us and understand that it does not define us. We get to choose to be different. We are the authors of our own story and we are not fated to be anything. Be compassionate with yourself friend. You are human like the rest of us and we fall sometimes and feel worthless. But that doesn't make it true. You have to remember that it's okay to not be okay at times but more importantly you have to take some time for yourself to see the good in you. It is there. It does exist. I promise you that.
I wish you wouldn't put yourself down in that way. I think you're a brave, certainly valuable person. As I said in another reply to you, I could not now pluck up the courage to eat in a restaurant alone. You must be reasonably at ease with yourself to do so. I think I'm only confident when I'm hiding behind a keyboard. Even a Zoom frightens the life out of me.
My kids also saw me angry and go through a depression, but isn't it nice for them to see you come out the other side. I tend to congratulate myself on contributing to my kids having grown up to be pretty decent human beings
Grew up watching the same cartoons. Life isn't a cartoon, shades of gray abound. It would be easier if good and bad were concrete, but life just isn't that clean.
Being a hero to your kids doesn't mean being perfect. It means you show them that even if you have problems, you work on those problems. If you continue working on yourself, that is the best message you can send to them.
You're not a villain. I've felt that way, too. Heck, I felt that way earlier today. But feeling bad doesn't make you a bad person.
No kidding life isn't cartoon. You may have missed my point. Tell me what hero is perfect and can you Tell me every villian is evil? I don't think you have the same point of reference about heroes and villains as I do
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its getting worse, why can't i get him out of my head.
in a pit I can’t get out of.
why can’t I get out of bed?
I want it to stop
I want to stop worrying about online schooling
