Relationship advice needed: Hello... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Relationship advice needed

Starling2411 profile image

Hello everyone

I had been in a relationship with a boy for last 3 years. In those 3 years he cheated on me continuously right from first day. Called me bitch as someone calls someone babe but only once. Subtly told me to loose weight mocked my height my dark circles. Whenever I raised an issue about him cheating acted as if I was the one who was torturing him. Whenever I decided to break up used guilt as a tool to keep me with him. But when the pandemic started things got out of hand. We were not able to see each other at all as he went to his parents home in a different city. He told me he had contracted covid 19 and told me he was on the verge of death. Later he told me he had a brain tumour and told me it started growing 6 months ago. 6 months ago we had a nasty fight. Me being an idiot believed him. He did not show me a single report or a single medicine . He then told me his father took him to a mental asylum and told me he is on a restraining order reasons unknown to me he told me that he has turned alcoholic. My father was alcoholic. This went on till September somewhere around september his girlfriend with whom he cheated on me told these things were lies I confronted him he still did not show any reports. 3 days ago he contacted me again and said he is not alcoholic now but still says he has brain tumour I know it's a lie but still a small voice says it's not. What should I do? Does he really have a brain tumour ? He has deleted his whatsapp account or maybe blocked me I feel he has deleted the account I spoke in a rude way with him am I wrong here I feel guilty

22 Replies

Oh man, I had sit up to read your post, my blood started boiling! It seems that you are in a toxic relationship and you need to get out! Does he make you happy? Does he treat you with love and respect? If no is the answer, start living for you!

How he told you he was an alcoholic and turned around he is no longer one really blows my mind. I wish it worked like that because the pain and suffering I endured in my worst stage of drinking was brutal. You never get cured but you do recover.

We do have things in common, my 8 year relationship ended a month ago - it became very toxic. I am still numb, hurt, sad, scared but somewhat relieved. There is no more fighting and that comforts me. I support you, you got this!

It's so sad you had to endure this. I understand it. You are right it's a mixed feeling ,there is a relief but also fear. Thankyou for supporting me. I am sure you will also get through this. I will pray for you. I appreciate you helping me thankyou for it. I am going to stay as far away from him as I can.

I am sorry you are struggling with alcohol. My father was an alcoholic. I have seen him struggle I hope you find peace and happiness. You are strong you will get through it. He never kept me happy every day he was insensitive even when I was crying or sad. I am very grateful and appreciate your response. Thankyou for supporting me.

I hope you know your worth! You deserve better! I am in recovery, I have six years sober in May! :)

That is a great news. Congratulations you have won the fight. I am very happy for you ! I am trying to learn to love myself. When I read kind messages like yours I have faith. Thankyou for that. I will surely message you. You can message me too if you ever feel like talking to someone. Thankyou for supporting me. You are strong ! I am proud of you for winning the battle against alcohol.

I appreciate it, thank you. I didnt win the fight (maybe the 3rd round lol) , my struggle happened in my early thirties and I lost everything! It did teach me to always be thankful for the lessons and the strength to pick myself back up. You seem like a very caring person, I can already tell just from your messages that you deserve so much better!

I am very sure you will be able to win against alcohol. You are very strong. It takes a lot of courage to get things together when you have lost everything. You have done it which requires a lot of courage. Thankyou for your kind words. I hope people around me understand that I genuinely care. Thank you for your kind response I appreciate it I hope I will be able to love myself one day.

You can always message me, I support you and know what you are going thru!

Hey. I'm in a similar situation as yours but not the same, and that's why I deal with anxiety. I don't know how to give you any advice. I don't think that he has a brain tumor either. I think that two wrongs dont make a right, there fore you are guilty. But there are times when I'm thinking I'm guilty for cussing Rydell out for blocking me on social media, cheating on me, and ignoring my phone calls. I think that's something that happens when A man cheats on his woman. I'm just guessing, idk, maybe he needs to learn a lesson.

Starling2411 profile image
Starling2411 in reply to Relly26

Thankyou for your response . I was afraid that I was the wrong one or that he really had a tumor. I was patient with him for 3 years I tolerated every thing and did not utter a single word. I just lost it few days ago. You are right it was a bad reaction to cuss at him. I struggle with ocd. 7 days after I discovered he lied to me I started having ocd symptoms. I understand you. I hope you will find peace and overcome the anxiety. Thankyou for the support . I just wanted someone to look at the situation and tell me if he had the tumor. Thank you for that. I can have a little bit of peace there.

Relly26 profile image
Relly26 in reply to Starling2411

Your welcome and thanks I hope so too.

You asked for advice so here it is. Ditch him, block him, run a million miles away. He sounds like a narcissist. He will never change and you deserve so much better.

Thankyou for your kind words . I am going to stay as far as possible from him but he has access to a lot of my information. Whenever I feel fine he pops up out of nowhere to trouble me. I have blocked him and have ensured he wont comeback. The problem is I give into his manipulation easily even today. I know what he is doing to me but I still am unable to control my own self. Thankyou for your advice

People like him can be very charming but they play constant mind games. He knows which buttons to press to get you going. I am glad you have blocked him so carry on doing this everywhere you can. If he contacts you refuse to engage with him at all, don't listen and don't respond, cut him off before he even starts. I know it's hard but you have to do it for your own peace of mind.

Thank you for your response. You are right he just plays the sympathy game. Making those sympathetic stories to make me feel bad. And he plays it very well. I always felt guilty to voice for basic things. He knows how to play with my mind. Currently he has blocked me on social media due to the fight we had a few days ago when he contacted me. I hope it stays that way. My brain just doesn't listen to me. I will be trying my best to avoid him.

Yes I agree he's playing mind games. I had a bf like that once but I was older than you and had learnt to deal with them. When he started I would say 'Why are you playing mind games with me again? You know I will beat you every time'. :) And I did. I can play mind games well but I choose not to unless someone does it with me as it's not nice. Occasionally I would deliberately press his buttons just to see him react but told him I was doing it and how predictable he was :)

I wish I could have been strong enough to trap him in his own games. With each passing day I see more and more of damage which I was completely unaware of. Forgive me for a late response. Thankyou for your response

Your ex sounds like he is very good at it and my bf wasn't. Please don't blame yourself. You said he has blocked you and you hope it stays that way. Make sure by blocking him instead. Do it now.

STARLING/i read your post 2 times.i know you are NOT THE ALCOHOLIC/it seems some members are thinking your the alcoholic.....im 60 years old and have been married that ended in amicable divorce along time ago.anyway/this PUNK you call a boyfriend needs his ass kicked for 1 thing/he is a liar and a cheat on you and to your face....DO NOT LET HIM GUILT TRIP YOU into staying w/him/slowly start distancing youself from him/googgle brain tumors and stages and effects on the person who has a brain tumor/then you can arm yourself with medical knowledge/ask what stage is his tumor in?what type of symptoms is he having/you turn the tables on him/put him on the defensive and he will figure out that he cant run roughshod over you any more....speak with friends you trust/go to god and pray for help,arm yourself with knowledge and you can slowly learn more about him and slowly break all ties with him//thats all i can offer you for now/GOOD LUCK/DS

I have been in a similar situation. He was lying and cheating from day 1. I paid his child support to keep him out of jail for over a year. But I was the asshole when I catfish him on tinder. You're not in the wrong to not believe him. But for the sake of your sanity. Run. Run far and run fast. It's not good foe you. It wi destroy the trust you give to someone in future relationships, that is what I'm struggling to overcome now. People like this will make it so hard to trust anyone you are with in the future. Don't guilty. Cut it off. Walk away.

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