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Maybe someone understands and can help me understand? I hope

SleeveyHeart profile image

Hey I’m Sleevey💜,

Lost a lot of ppl, too many. Fiancé currently in rehab, which is supposed to be this great thing which it was, until now. She says she can’t be loving or have any emotions to do with me while she’s there so she wants us on a break. She’s been gone for almost 60 days already. I have never been an addict and I don’t know what it’s like, and because of this I research the hell out of everything so I can be the best me for her. Now I am a calm chill laid back person, make mistakes definitely, flaws I have a ton, but I’ve never been bad for her I have only loved her and stood by her and supported her through everything. So this makes no sense to me I am so lost, hurt and depressed with this. Heartbroken really. I just don’t understand how you could act like someone means nothing to you, but say I’m amazing and have done nothing wrong. 💔😔 make it make sense plz because my heart doesn’t understand 😔 she struggles with BPD/Bipolar/ADHD/ & PTSD I know that makes it more difficult for her, which is why I try extremely hard to be extra gentle and loving. But she doesn’t want my love now in rehab and idk why? Out of what seems like nowhere...

9 Replies

I went through a very quick detox from Medical addiction to Fentanyl and OxyContin 2 years ago. All I know is when you’re recovering your emotions and feelings go through a complete upheaval. It took me almost a year to understand and process what my new state of mind was. It sounds like your fiancé is just going through a slower and kinder type of rehab. I would guess and really only guess that they are trying to get her to just concentrate on just herself at this point. I’m guessing also that you love her deeply and want to do everything you can to help her through this. If so my advice is to be patient. It’s going to take time for her to sort things out. In the same breath I say take care of yourself. You sound like a kind loving person, and dealing with someone with the problems your fiancé must be overwhelming at times. I pray that all goes well but I know it’s going to take some time. God Bless🙏🏻

Yes definitely kind place she’s in. She hadn’t seen a therapist much at all for a while I didn’t like that because that was most important to her. But now finally after almost 60 days she sees one once a week. I definitely do love her with all of me. Her doc was bad stuff and she had to detox off of suboxone and a grocery list of addictive pills prescribed to her. I know it’s hard af in there especially emotionally and especially with all the mental health she fights daily. She’s an amazing human. I’m just honestly scared of losing her which feels crazy but I mean I know ppl change a lot when they’re in there. She’s been in rehab before quite a few, but this is the first time she’s stayed the whole entire allowable time. Which is definitely really good. Her family tells me you’re a good person she’s not going to leave you but it feels like she is. And it just hurts a lot. She’ll say she’s gonna call and doesn’t, or she will text and doesn’t and that hurts a lot. Because I would never do that. I’m just trying my best to be understanding. And love myself. Thank you so much what you said does help.

Hi Sleevey, welcome to our community. I feel compassionate with what you are going through and what your partner is dealing with also. In this situation, it is very hard for your partner to reciprocate the same love you have for her because she has so much going on. I’m not even sure if she loves herself right now. She has to work through her own issues first in order to extend herself to you. You can only love her from afar at this moment, accept the reality that you have to give her time and space to fix herself first and in time everything will work out if you two can reconnect in a better state of mind. Best wishes.🙏

Yea she was being really loving for most of the time she’s been there actually, it’s only recently closer to it now being 60 days she’s been gone, that she now wants to take a break from us. But yet still wants to talk to me and that is confusing to me. A break doesn’t usually consist of still talking to someone. Lately she will say she’s gonna call me and never does, or she’s going to text and doesn’t. She was never like that. And I know she definitely doesn’t love herself for sure especially with all the mental health stuff. That’s why from day one I have always tried to build her up daily and be there for her in every way I can. Also making sure she got her therapy and just anything to try to help. She relapsed last year and it just got really bad and scary af. But now she’s in rehab and I know she’s doing her best. I’m trying to help myself too as I know I need rehab for my heart from everything experienced. It’s the change only recently that I don’t understand. Because I asked her yesterday actually...I said do you just need me to be patient and stay in love with you and just wait for you? And she wouldn’t even text me back. So I asked her do you just want to end things and she said well I’m not in the place to make a decision now. Does this make sense why it’s all so confusing??? Because damn

Thank you so much for replying to me for real.

You are very welcomed Sleevey. I know you just need to be heard and I’m deeply sorry for your situation. From what you described, she is very confused as she doesn’t trust herself. She reached out to you randomly whenever she needs or misses your company. Maybe no contact is the best thing for you and her right now. Since you are in a better state of mind than she is, maybe you will be the one to make the decision to go no contact and shift your focus to you only. Whenever I feel chaotic, i like to meditate, do yoga and listen to music or cooking 😅. I hope you can find some peace tonight in your comfort space. Have a good night. 😇🌈🙏xxx

I know why! Rehabs - case managers and staff DRILL the importance of working on yourself to lead a healthy lifestyle. Also, "probably" said to your finance that rehab is a time to focus on herself - take the opportunity to be selfish and figure out her needs! I can also remember them saying take a step back from loved ones - the opportunity to go to rehab is just a short 3 month stay, they have the rest of their lives to talk to family. Many girls take this advice and it helps them stay focused. Sorry that you thought it was something different, I am 99% positive that is the reason. Staff says it all day, everyday! I hope this helps!

She will be staying on longer. Probably another 6 months. Is it still the same case then? Because she has grown cold af. And acts like she doesn’t even care I’m alive. When her therapist asked her what if I decided I didn’t want to wait, she shrugged her shoulders and said it hurt but I’d be alright. Her therapist texts her and calls her every day. On top of seeing her in the facility daily. She makes 60 days Friday. But will be staying longer like I was saying maybe 6 months

She says she can’t do any emotions or feelings at all. Which is crazy since she’s been there so long already. Like she avoids any real conversations like the plague.

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