anger and hating continues... need to... - Anxiety and Depre...

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anger and hating continues... need to get past this. i'm so tired, and emo-spent.

13ga
13ga

as if i don't already have enough to deal with, with my $$-grubbing, narcissist brother.

i have the world's single biggest hypocrite for a step-mom.

and around this time last year - she took me out for dinner to celebrate my birthday. SHE brought up a topic - and ASKED for my thoughts - i, very politely started to give my answer - which she immediately decided she didn't like - and at the TOP OF HER VOICE - berated me in the restaurant. i went fissionable angry in less than a pico-second; and a microsecond later - felt like i was a teenager again.

i've not spoken to her since; nor texted, nor emailed - it's now been over 1 year. and i was JUST - beginning to think - maybe i should be the bigger man and resume talking to her...

and not even a week after i had that thought - she sends me an email saying "hey i just got my 2nd vax shot - how bout i take you out for dinner for your birthday". to which i reply - i'm not comfortable going out until i get MY vax shots - how bout doing dinner after that?

and - she reply's.... and i quote "well - i've got plenty of other friends i can have dinner with. maybe we can celebrate next year's birthday."

so - basically - i'm sooo fracking worthless of a human being - that i don't deserve a birthday celebration dinner - unless it's 100% on her terms! and she got her shots - so now it's time to party - and she doesn't give a spit about endangering my life - or my newly widow mom - as long as she get's to party!!!!!

frack her!!! and now i'm done with her forever!!!! except i'm too dammed much of a "mench" to actually do that - so i'm just gonna stew on this... there's NO POINT in having a conversation with her - what's the point of talking to a selfish unmovable wall??

i need to dump this anger; and simply NOT be angry in the first place... but i have no idea how to accomplish this.

i'm SOOOO sick and tired - of being angry - and being sick and tired!!!!!

169 Replies

Bring it back Rob, have you meditated today? 🙏

no i haven't - won't be able till i leave mom's and go home... but i def should do that...

that's a great post, and TY, K - tho - i'm not yet sure if i want to find myself- or lose myself, and find a new self!!!! ;-)

I’m glad you will go home n do some meditation 👍 You see Rob, the moment people wake up their consciousness kicks in and that is the downfall for venturing out what they actually want to do. Sigmund Freud emphasized on the subconsciousness which is one’s true desire without the pressure of society or limitation from your mind.

well - right now - i wish freud were here, so i could kick him in the as..butt for not providing more definitive answers and treatment protocols !!!! :-)

also - i'm REALLY REALLY hoping that i'm UNconscious right now - and will soon wake up to find this whole reality's been a really bad dream!!!

i have a very uneasy feeling, this aint no dream... :-(

There are no definitive answers as any well-known psychologist just there to help you to process your thoughts. And you shouldn’t trust anyone who would say they have all these steps for you to be happy. Medicines are treatment for your body but meditation is the cure for your inner being. Once you really practice meditation, you will feel lifted from the burden of chaos of your mind.

well - on the YIPPEEEEE side of things - i'm gonna have most of the weekend ALL TO MYSELF! and i couldn't be looking MORE FORWARD TO THAT!!!!

so i should have lots of time to work-in a meditation or 2! :-)

socratesanne
socratesanne in reply to 13ga

Sounds like blind rage. Umm! Who does that hurt, thus adding further to YOUR pain, not those you are angry at. It is just energy this rage, so walk it off, like they do in EMDR or run is off as an jock would tell you to do. Perhaps dance when no one is looking. See below that you decided to look forward to YOUR time. I love MY time. This quarantine has made it delightful at times unless it is been too many days without humans. That is why we all get on here. Otherwise we would like to hermit away. New breath high anxiety, two small inhales through the nose then long exhale into pelvic floor so the stomach touches the back almost. Three time. Watch Huberman podcast a scientist from I think Berkely or UCLA. You will like his style.

13ga
13ga in reply to socratesanne

hi anne; soooo many wise words!!!

yes - i def. have a knee jerk reaction - i apparently LUV to drink my poison - and for some reason keep hoping others will feel the pain. when intellectually i know far better - but emotionally, i'm apparently like an idiot that can't seem to learn the lessons! i haven't yet figured out how to bridge the emotional to the intellectual...

i KNOW i should exercise when i get like that.... but WHEN i'm like that - exercise is again the furthest thing from my mind... in fact - my mind is the furthest thing from my mind.... emo's seem to run the show for some time; and intellect be dammed...

as for dancing - that i really do like - and i don't care whos watching! at least that i CAN do - but again - not when i'm in the heat of it... speaking of "heat".... i have better control over that than i do anger!!!

we are most def the same in regards to hermitting!! i do like MY time; except when i've had way to much of it....

your breathing technique is similiar to what i do when meditating - in that it's VERY diaphragmatic based. is there a significance to the 2 short inhalations?

TY for the huberman suggestion - i will def look that up!!!

socratesanne
socratesanne in reply to 13ga

Yes, Huberman is a researcher and used the science, it uses the ventral vagus and was how it travels down from the cerebellum at base of the brain and travels down the front to the diaphragm, but you need to see his explanation as I, too am overwhelmed today with buracracy and my brain is fried from insurance companies damaging treatment in our state. I have been on line with billers, clients and doing tele therapy putting out fires. So dismayed at the dust that seems to be settling in society. Working for free lately just to help those in need but I am tired and saddened by the greed or others. I know that is something you have an issue. I lost the chat I think. I am getting really fried in my brain lately. My Firdays are often like this unfortunately. Only today was pretty low as far as no fun what so ever. I need some fun. I think that is a word. Maybe our clock reset might help. ha

13ga
13ga in reply to socratesanne

anne - you are absolutely right! that is definiteeley sounding right up my alley!!! TYVM! def have to check them out!

13ga
13ga in reply to socratesanne

is the clock reset this weekend???

socratesanne
socratesanne in reply to 13ga

Think so but not yet confirmed. Maybe they meant next week??

13ga
13ga in reply to socratesanne

wow... where does the time go???

(oh yea - it jumps around for no reason !! :) )

YEP on the 14th

13ga
13ga in reply to socratesanne

wow - nice to know!!! i had no idea... shows how much i've been paying attention!

Agora1
Agora1 in reply to 13ga

Yeppers....we lose an hour's sleep :) xx

socratesanne
socratesanne in reply to Agora1

Had top laugh, have not heard "yeppers" in years. It warmed my heart. Is this a UK word as I need knew where I got the word my family said often and never knew the origin?

Agora1
Agora1 in reply to socratesanne

Believe it or not, I heard it on tv the other night. Can't remember what I was watching. Will get back to you on that, now you have me wondering lol :) xx

Agora1
Agora1 in reply to socratesanne

socratesanne, I just remembered, I was watching "Two & a half Men" The chiropractor's receptionist always said "Yeppers" lol :) xx

13ga
13ga in reply to Agora1

that was such a funny show... sad it's gone...

socratesanne
socratesanne in reply to Agora1

yeppers, maybe that is where I heard initially. But seems it was even before that show?!

13ga
13ga in reply to socratesanne

i sometimes use 'yeppers' also... and i've no connection to the UK; except for a friend that may have passed some habits on to me...

i think of 'yeppers' as a southern thing - as that's where i 1st heard it....

13ga
13ga in reply to Agora1

ugggggg!!! i need that hour!!! :) xxx

Agora1
Agora1 in reply to 13ga

I know you do. Spring ahead is always hard. :) xx

Hi,

You deserve a wonderful birthday dinner. Make it a feast. Put on some wonderful old jazz, lower the lights, and pour a glass. You do not deserve a stomach clenched in anger and hurt. There are a lot of idiots in the world, and it hurts when we hope for better from them. Let it go as soon as you can. Have Mom sing "Happy Birthday". Blow out the candles, and save your wish for a happy thing... a good thing. You've wasted too much of your heart on wishing for revenge. I wish you a happy, peaceful birthday.

TYVM, NBP -

i appreciate! and something you said really strikes a chord for me...

lots of idiots ... hurts when we hope for better from them.

BOY did you say a mouthful there!!! and isn't that exactly the root cause of my problem??? why do i continue to hope for better from people i KNOW WELL are incapable of better?????

is not that the very definition of insanity? doesn't that make me certifiably insane??? (i keep asking that of my therapist - but keep being told no - i think maybe they're insane!!! so who would they be to judge???) talk about the blind leading the blind... and demented - because only a demented person would seek sighted help from the blind in the first place!!! :o)

.

so i guess the real question is - how do i stop hoping for blood from a bloodless vegetable !?!?

i think i've given up on bday wishing... which is also a sad statement about where i'm at. frankly - i could finish my life w/o another bday celebration... what's the point.

i need to find my own celebration; and forget bout everyone else... ironically - i'd probably be happier if i was more like my bro and/or my step mom!!!!!! they're certainly happier than i am!!!!! there's not enough iron in that kind of irony !!!! :-) 8-)

I agree with the piggy, but it's what we've got. Plus each other, here.

Yes. You need alone time to be well.

did i miss the piggy?? did 1 fly by and i missed it??? cause i do not wanna miss when pigs fly! :)

i think i'll disagree on the alone time tho - i've essentially been alone for a year... and i don't seem to be my best companion !!!! ;-)

:o) = piggy

Some research group with time on their hands and government funding concluded that we have all lost a year of life expectancy from the stress of isolation. Hmm. I'm glad they're spending our tax dollars wisely.

OH YEA - the piggy!!! LOL... mind was blanked in all the anger! i was gone for a bit - but now i'm back! (and back home from mom's)

i'm not the least bit surprised by that study!!! i find that VERY believable!!!

Welcome back. Glad you found your way. 🐷 Wee-wee-wee!

omg - tooo funny!!! 🐷 🐷 🐷

Hopefully this has helped release some of it. I know for me getting it out starts to help. On this site, with friends that will listen or just screaming into the void. Lost my voice this weekend from that one lol. Pushing myself on my bike helps get some anger out too, the cause is still there but easier to deal with without the rage blocking your path. If you need to talk I'm here

13ga
13ga in reply to JAFOman

TY, jafo!

you raise a great reminder... i've been lax about exercising... and i really need to get back into a healthy routine... it's just that doin ANYTHING seems so exhaustingly daunting.

not sure that 'this' has helped release much - yet... maybe it needs to seep in more... i know it helps to scream here... and even more so, when the scream is heard...

so i really appreciate you're hearing!

JAFOman
JAFOman in reply to 13ga

Anytime

Hidden
Hidden

I have found that anger feeds on itself. If you want to be free of it, you have to look it in the face and say no to it, not just try to ignore. It will take time. You will probably have to say no to it over and over. But if you ignore your anger, it will continue to fester until it eats you up from the inside. Like cancer.

You can do this. You can rise above.

JAFOman
JAFOman in reply to Hidden

I haven't been able to say no, I foolishly use it as fuel to get through so much. No that's not right I use it to ignore so much, why I don't want anyone to do it. I have a very long road ahead, afraid of the work just as much as afraid of failing.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to JAFOman

What you said earlier about getting the anger out by exercising on your bike is really good, i think you’re on to something there. 👍 Exercise is very important... can be very helpful with anger.

One time I just had to get the tension and excess energy out of my body, it was causing the anger to be worse, so I went outside the house and smashed bricks on the concrete driveway. It didn’t hurt anything, apart from possibly scaring the neighbors! 🙃 You do what you gotta do.

13ga
13ga in reply to Hidden

i like your idea of smashing bricks! but for me - i like something more spectacular! more spectacular = more energy release!!!!

maybe pack the bricks w/ gun-powder so they go booom when they hit!! (yea - i think the neighbors are ALREADY scared of me ;-) )

13ga
13ga in reply to JAFOman

afraid... omg jafo - don't get me started!

afraid to fail; and afraid to succeed - because failure is more familiar!!!!

==== paralysis !!! :-|

13ga
13ga in reply to Hidden

phil - those sound like really wise words. they seem to make sense...

i guess i wanted the anger "to flow past and around me"; "to 'skip' me altogether". but that would be a form of denial. and yes - i can easily see how denial would fester.

this sounds like a good answer. i also know it's harder than it sounds... :-)

so i guess the challenge will be to "say no to it" after it comes up - i've been wanting it NOT to come up.

this is a REALLY interesting answer - i'm going to have to think about this...

thank you for that!!

Hidden
Hidden

Yea shes not worth your time

13ga
13ga in reply to Hidden

def. not worth my time.... now if only i can get my emotional response to understand that !!!

I'm so sorry and you are worthy. I can sense in my spirit that you are a good man. My heart goes out to you.

13ga
13ga in reply to Gentlespirit

GS - TY so much! i'm so appreciative for your kind words...

my anger was set off again today... this time my brother... it just goes back n forth!

i can't tell you how nice it is to hear your words (in my head :) )... 💜

Hi Rob regarding your anger I'm glad I came here to see what you been posting I was talking to my nebour yesterday who I was so angry with for keeping me waiting over a year to get her broken drain mended of which bla bla bla cost me my home as you know I'm still struggling with issues regarding what happend with rat invasion p t s d I've never known such anger other than that towards my relation and I was thinking how it's strange that one can be so overwhelmed at the time by anger and have temper mine is not good when I'm drunk will tell you more on PM but my point is it's passed and I'm very calm towards her was talking to her yesterday but she isnt like your step mom as for your step mum I would not have selfish horrid people in my life if didn't have too really please believe me when I say things will pass over sending a big hug 🌟😺🤗xxxx

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

hi M;

tyvm for your reply... when i was growing up - i had a legendary bad temper. it was so bad on 1 occasion, that ever since i've done my best to never let it own me again. and i've succeeded. but now i'm paying a price for that with both my step mom, and brother. i'm letting it eat me alive from the inside out. and this is no freaking good either. i have to figure out how to get rid of this anger. it does me no good. and it will never do anything to help move either of these relationships forward.

i've already minimized my relationships with both of them. and that's not stopping the anger - b/c especially w/ my brother - there's things i MUST deal with relating to the loss of our step-dad, and eventually our mom... if ever in my life i could see myself murdering him - the aftermath of my mom's death might be that trigger. so i must learn how to manage him.

TY sooo much for the big hug; and i most def return it!!!!! 🤗xxx🤗xxx

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

I'll PM I understand believe me but it 4.3o morning pix woke he's having his biscuits hope he settles I'm just back to the land of nod hopefully X

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

give my boy a hug for me! and wishing you lots of nice Z's !! ox

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

I've just PMd you 🤗🌛🌟xxxxx

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

lol and back @ ya! 🤗xx

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

Hi I'm here now if you need me 🤗🌛🌟

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

OMG, M!!!!

i see your new cat avatar and i'm ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

There was a bazzak post on by mad bunny lol are you any better xxx

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

hey M;

i'm back @ moms for few days... doing little better... hopin to hang on to that!!! :)

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

Would you like a drink lol,this is my gardenning mug lol happy memories 😁

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

i def want a drink!!!!

mmmmmmm lettuce!!!! ;-)

Unfortunately getting angry helps no one,not even you,i used to get angry a very long time ago, but now i accept what is,and the only person you are really hurting is yourself,because for sure those who you are angry about sure as hell are not concerned about you.I believe families,not all, are often our worst enemies,with jealousy emitting from every pore,and i personally divorced my wretched family several years ago,and its the best thing i ever did.

The more you dwell on those who harm you mentally,the worse it becomes,so do try to block all thoughts of them,thats what i do,and it works for me.

13ga
13ga in reply to secrets22

secrets;

TYVVVM for your reply and advice!

i def know intellectually, that my anger only hurts me... but apparently my intellect isn't smart enough to inform my emotions of this wildly important news!

i would LOVE to divorce my family; but then i have that little nagging voice in my head... "be a good step-son"; "be a good brother"; and i feel guilty. i'm not sure how to tell it to shut the bleep up.

so my questoin for you - was divorce the only way you were able to quiet the anger? might you have any other "secrets" ?? ;-)

Guilt is for suckerz Rob☝️“No regert” 🤣😂🤣😅👍. How u doing. 🤓 ☮️🌈🙏xxx

darn right K! i'm doin ok... haning in there... and yourself?? 💜💜💜

I’m doing fine ❤️ Just cooked some veggie glass-noodles. All you gotta do is saging yourself from those darn Karens☝️Ok Here, have some virtual noodle, don’t tell me I don’t share😋🤣😂

😋

They look great here's my salmon I think we should have a dinner party for Rob cheer him up treat and pamper him give him the lettuce locker mug lol with some champagne in to celebrate better times ahead are there to look forward to 😁😁😁😁🧡💛🧡

😋
13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

YUMMY!!!! and omg do i ever need a party!!!!!! <3xx

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

Hope you got a big bed as be 4 lol pixiebob wants to come for the salmon and snuggle up with you he thinks that will cheer you up he's writing you letter it says dadda please cheer up but he keeps nodding off 🙀😺

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

R U kidding?? of course he's coming!!!! and i have a HUGE bed!!!!

the salmon will be waiting - smoked; baked; grilled - whatever my baby wants!!!!

I see your already having party all that alco lol what's your address please 😁😁😁

Ooohhh that looks yumm Mandy😋😋😋. Love salmon ❤️. Def Rob needs a party to get his good vibe up ☝️. Yes come over Mandy and let’s have a no calories margarita party 🥳🎉🎈🎊🍾

Here we are me you rob party time foccus on this tonight rob not your bro 🧡🤗xxx

Mandy Rob Koko partying

Kinda blurry but I like what I’m seeing 🤣😂🤣😂❤️ Who’s that bloke with corny smile? 🤣🤣🤣🤣?

Don't let's fight over him.can share if he don't mind he get best of both worlds a younger and older woman 😁😁

I guess it’s a buffet style. No cat fight. Plenty to go around 🤣😂🤣😂❤️ I think Rob enjoys your lettuce licker mug Mandy. He said he found himself scream waking up every morning since then 😂😂😂

Lol let's hope his credentials are better than bazzaks or won't be enough to go round lol I'm just cleaning mam's ornament lol night night 😁😁😁🧡

🤔

U sure have a nice collection of ornaments Mandy. By the look of it, I’m kinda iffy about it.... maybe u just hafta keep cleaning n see what’s good jumping out 🤣😂🤣😂❤️. Until next time my beautiful friend! Have a good night and sweet dreams. 😇🌈❤️🙏xxx

Yes It's hard work rubbing to get it nice in shiny 😁😁🧡💛🧡sweet dreams or nightmares about bazzak.simulator ornament lol 🤔🌛🌟🌠🌠🌠xxxx

Think may need dip in the mug to get thorough clean lol 😁😁😁😁

Didn’t u know Rob said he is a deep diver, just say when Mandy.... 🤣😂🤣😂❤️❤️❤️xxx

its true.... its true.... i can't get into anything without doing a deep dive!!!! and i can't stop till the dive is done!!!!! 😂❤️❤️❤️xxx😂❤️❤️❤️xxx

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

Me n Koko been up partying all night I must of flaked out at one point and just saw she needs to have a rest herself 😁🤗😺

Who's who lol 😁😁😁

I think the smallest feet belong to Rob 🤣🤣🤣😅😅

Oh no another bazzak Micheal Angelo lol 😁😁😁sweet dream Koko 💛🧡💛🤗🌛xxxx

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

i think the small feet belong to K!!!! heheh

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

yes - we need to get it lickin lettuce clean!!!!! 8-) 8-)

maybe instead of buffing with mr sheen - she should be rubbin with 'never rust' !!!! 8-) 🤣😂🤣😂❤️xxx

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

ROTFLMAO!!!!!! omg did i ever need this!!!!

no worries mate!!! i gotcha covered!!

buffet sounds good to me!!!!! lettuce lickin buffet party time!!!!!

i'm lettuce lickin ready!!!!! wooo hoooo!!! heheheh

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

for the re3cord.... i do nnnnoot mind.... i'm THERE!!!!!!!!

i'm sooooo in !!!!!! let's go!!!!!!

i'm now hungry and thirsty and soooooo ready to have fun!!!🤣😂🤣😂❤️

He may sing his lettuce licking song to us lol 😁😁😁

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

i'd be VERY happy to - but not when my mouth is full!!!!! 8-) :P 😜😜😜

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

Full of cocoa Koko lol

Full of coco jumbo Koko. 🤣😂😅 Have a great day ahead Mandy n pixie. We shall resume our party tomorrow 😘😘😘xxx

Jumbo Koko you must have the big feet then check photo lol 😁😁😁

The bigger the feet the longer time to spend on them Mandy 🤣😂😂

OOOOOOOOOO i'm in!!

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

I'll leave you with this photo of KoKo think she's waiting for big feet lol 😁😁😁she needs a rude awakening 😁have a good night xxx

😴
13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

M; what an awesome pic of GreatMindfulness !!!!!

i can't wait to awake her.... but i think she needs (and deserves) a very special awakening!!! a "lettuce" kind of awakening!!!! heheheh

😈😈 :P :P :P :P

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

Lol do you like my new avatar it will drive you crazy lol total distraction from your troubles gaze into your boys lovely green eyes he's willing you to feel better xx

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

omgomgomg - i luv luv luv it!!!! my boy my boy!!! come to papa!!!! xxx

Rob thank you for a fantastic alarm clock waking up from you. Now tell me, from ur hurricane encyclopedia, what’s it about the morning chaos we always have? 🤣😂😅😈

Lol my Debbie Harry look

Robbbb, Mandy got gold lock lettuce for you, where you at?! 😂😂😂😂

Tell him I got lettuce to match lol😁😁does he want to see

Ofc no worries if there’s lettuce there’s Rob☝️🤣😂😂

Certainly good mouthful lol 😁😁😁

I've PMd him to say got goldern lettuce lol

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

(PM; golden lettuce)

i'll PM to say ... golden foot....

er; did i say that outloud?? ooops... 8-)

Robs got 3 sasages for our lettuce lol he's amazing

3 sausages? Now dat is gonna be put on a 7 wonder list. 🤣😂🤣😅

I can think of 2 places but where's the third unless we're ventriloquists or he can extend to reach a higher part it may exit lol we will get banned or whoever reads this will if not already bonkers will think they lost the plot or us lol 😁😁

Who cares? We got our fun. Done n done ✅ Say no more 🤣😂🤣😂

Nightie night or naughty night naughty girl 😁😁🧡🌝🌟full moon Sunday 😁xxxxx

Full moon on Sunday? No wonder I feel the chaos 😉😉😉. Gud night n sweet dreams Mandy n pixie 😇🌈🙏xxx

🌝🧡🌝🌟😁😺🧡💛😴Xhugs and luv to you both X

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

(full moon)

uh, mandy - i think the full moon came out WAY early!!! NN hava GN! 😁😁🧡🌝

(say no more)

she can't anyway - her mouth is full. 🤣😂🤣😂

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

(lost the plot)

mandy - you were lost long before this !!!!!! 😁😁😁😁

(7 wonder list)

hmmm.... don't need 3; when 1's a wonder on its own !!! 8-) 8-) 8-)

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

ahem.... sorry... but that not even close to right!!!

(objects in mirror appear smaller than in real life!!!) :) :) :) :) :)

He must have gone to make his sasages bigger there a bit thin don't you think lol 🤔

🤔 those look kinda some sad sausages Mandy, maybe you need to sing a song for them 🤣😂🤣😂

I used this to make beard shaved off somewhere lol only joking it's pixies cat pole

Daz Mrs Clause for Robbie. Xmas comes early for him 🤣😂🤣😂

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

pixie's cat pole ?????

i'm really scared for you!!!!

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

(make bigger)

i think i already addressed this question....

in other words - no need - and bring butter... or oil... that should help...

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

(matching lettuce)

WELL D'UH !!!!!!!!!

(in case you can't read my mind - or need that translated.... that would be a yea-huh!!!!!)

i guess that also answers my previous wondering..... 8-)

tho i do prefer a cleared path.... less to... floss..... :P ;-)

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

Yes it's all clear for you lol and pixies waiting so pussy galore and Koko lol must get some supper now night night hope you have sweet dreams and not nightmares lol 😁😁😺🌝xxxx

whoa... how do you know Curly1_ 's garden hasn't been cleared???? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 (dare i ask? ;-) )

U know Rob how Koko is very in tune with the Universe , nature esp human nature 🤣😂🤣

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

love the look!!!! now i understand your name!!!! 8-)

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

I was going to call myself randy Mandy lol but thought may get reputation for been rude lol as you can tell I'm totally pure minded and innocent 🤔😁😁😁

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

(randy mandy)

i have no idea how anything could change your reputation!!!!!!! LMAO!!!

Shame about the face

You got Rob guessing all hot n bothered now 🤣😂🤣😅

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

it is a shame about the face - the eye's are most important to me....

but there are plenty of ... situations ... where the eyes are hard to see....

this can be easily forgiven..... 8-) :P :P preoccupation can distract....

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

My eyes are like pixies I'm his mummy actually they are lol bit darker green 😁😁

(morn chaos)

wait just a minute!!!! are you saying you're chaos goes away after morning !!??!?!?!? LMAO!!!! 🤣😂😅😈🤣😂😅😈

and you're most welcome; i adore to offer my wake up services... little gives me more pleasure!! ;-) :P

Rob did u know daz how any happy human on earth start their morning ☝️nirvana instant 😈🤣😂🤣😂

(nirvana instant)

oh my - we all need MUCH more of that!!!!! and not just in the morning!!!!😈🤣😂🤣😂

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

Her feet are apart too 🤔deffo wants rude awakening lol Mr big foot 😁

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

i'm not sure they're apart enough... i have a big foot..... 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔😁😁😁

come to think of it; i've also been told i have a big mouth!!!!! 😁😁😁😁

now that's what i call HOT koko !!!!!!! heheheh

maybe add a little chambord to the hot coco!!!!! MMMMMMMMMM

omg YUM!!!!

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

ROTFLMAO!!!! i'm i LOVE cocoa koko!!!!!!! MMMMMMMMM GOOOD!!!!!! lettuce lip smackin good!!! :P :P :P

cocoa covered GreatMindfulness

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

Lol 😁😁😁😁Hey Yul get banned lol glad you've cheered up have a good afternoon it's 7 here just watching TV met my friend today walked in park saw the bambies again 🤗xxx

🤗
13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

omg! what an awesome picture!!!!

sometimes i've seen as many as 12 or more in my backyard!!

(most not as young as those)

but we see babies every year!!! omg are they ever adorable!!!

the romp and play just like puppies!!!!

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

Hi there so sweet they came to the railed fence to say hello are you feeling bit better I just popped on for bit as passed phone lol xx

Hello dadda
13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

omg M - that really made me smile!!!! great pic!!!

i'm doing better today... tired after my visit w/ mom - but doing ok...

my grey child - who just left my lap is now begging to get back on! he's my shadow, and can be a real PITA!! ;o)

i'm sure you have no idea what i'm talking about!!!!!!

(mama - biscuits - NEOW !!!!!!) hehehehe!! hey that made me think of Niao - how's she doing?

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

Pixies happy used to waiting now when I'm out 😺

😺
13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

awwww - my boy looks very content!!!!

i'm sure he cant wait to meet his new brother's and sister!! 8-) ;-)

he can also watch the many deer in my back yard every day!!

not to mention the occasional owl, and many other wild critters!!

k - did you read m's post? that's me and you and her!!!! ;-) 8-)

Rob I’m sure you’re still in dream state right now to speak like dat 🤣😂😅. Regarding to party, too lateeee. Time for some vitamins and lights out. 😂😂. Have a good night Rob. Ttyl 😇🌈🙏❤️xxx

Oh hello there Koko were all on together I've just woke up yes he thinks he's imaging this party lol 🧡💛🧡😁

K - are you kidding... i can barely think straight; let along talk straight!!!

u hava GN too my sweet koko!!! ttyl!!!! ❤️❤️❤️xxx

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

oh heck yes!!!!! i'm IN!!!

let's go paaaaaaataaaaaayyyy !!!!!!!!

Are we having a sleep over lol don't answer that Rob can 😁😁😁

13ga
13ga in reply to Curly1_

really??? is that a real question??? it's the ONLY safe thing to do!!

of course it's a sleep over!!!!!

bring your bazzy pj pants!!!!!!!! (or not :P )

count me IN!!!! rita time!!!! 🥳🎉🎈🎊🍾

K!!!! omg you're killing me!!!!

1) i LOVE glass noodles - that looks DEVINE!!!! omg i wanna taste!!!

2) i LOVE margaritas !!!!!

3) i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE chambord!!!!!!

4) never tried - but i have a feeling i will love lychee !!!

.

is there anything you've done i don't absolutely love!?!?? 💜💜💜xxx

Awe Rob, I’m glad u like what u see 😉😂. No There’s nothing I do that is not perfect 🤩 🤣😂😅. I’m glad you recognized my poison selection as that’s just a fast moving shelf. 😂 Yes Mandy and I were trying to make your post more chaos n fun at the same time 😂. Be gentle on yourself Rob, like I said chop off ur head n you’ll be just fine 😆. ☮️❤️🌈🙏

omg - u guys this was histerical!!!! i've got a lettuce eating grin on my face whole time!!!!! i really needed some serious whacky fun!!!!!! :P :P :P

Agora1
Agora1 in reply to 13ga

Hi 13ga I think we all have people in our lives who know just how to push our buttons.

With that they get some kind of sadistic pleasure in seeing us react. Secrets22 is more

than right. Why should we give another person the power to destroy us emotionally?

We not only deserve better but it doesn't help the situation.

What I have done in the past is use confirmation of who I am. Meaning I will not lower

myself to their standards. I walk away not in defeat but in a win situation. If someone is

going to demean me, they are not worth my time or energy in debate. They will never change but I can change the way I accept it. We each need to find our own way in dealing

with anger and stress. For me, I walk away and meditate for just a few minutes. Enough time to bring down my emotions. Enough time for the other person to see that they cannot win with someone not there.

Of course, there are other options but only you can make that choice. Remembering that our choices do have consequences. I choose something that doesn't make me feel guilty but proves a point that I do not tolerate greediness, put-downs-talking back like I beneath them and so on. This has worked for me. I hope you find something to quiet those nerves, it's for your health sake my friend. :) xx

13ga
13ga in reply to Agora1

agora, as always sageful advise!

i really do need to find and hold onto my cool. thebest win for me; is to provide no reaction to him. so i def need to manage that.

my only other choice would be to lower myself to push his buttons - but that doesn't sound very big of me... so my choice best - is your advice...

(or the 4x4 solution ;-) )

TYVVVM my friend! always appreciate! 💜💜💜xxx

how are you doin?

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to 13ga

Really you need To break ties he is toxic and his toxicness will poison you and destroy your lovely soul please think of your self be kind to yourself sending luv and hugs and heeling 🧡😺🌟🌠🌠🌠

secrets22
secrets22 in reply to 13ga

Yes ,for my sanity it certainly was.for i was being pulled all ways,and all that pulling was threatening my well being and purpose to live.Yes,i do have many 'secrets' which would take me a week to disclose,but what i can say is i have had a lifetime of setbacks,barbed comments and cruel people along the way,but I did'nt fight back,i blocked all thoughts of many people,as if they no longer exist.

I always remember that not everyone who gives you a smile is a friend.

take care of you.

Roddy.

13ga
13ga in reply to secrets22

hi Roddy;

that sounds like some really good advice... oh if only i could get to a place where i could convince myself my brother didn't exist!!!

.

i also really like the 'smile <> friend' statement... we'd all do well to remember that one!!

TY for sharing!

I feel for you there are a couple of selfish people in our life at this moment. In fact they cut our grandchild and their selfish behavior contributed to my illness over the years. My doctor is even angry at them and explained my illness caused my anxiety possibly started the low thyroid issues through stress and worry. Get therapy because the stress that you are having through your relationship is not good for your health. I know this only too well what having a narcissist in the family can do to your mind and body it reeks havoc on your well being.

13ga
13ga in reply to blacklabs

blacklabs-

thank you so much for sharing!

i really feel for you and your predicament. i wouldn't wish what i'm dealing with on anyone; but your situation effects your grandchild - who may not even be old enough to fully understand what's happening, let alone all the implications and fallout.

not to mention that the toll this has taken on your health - also robs your family because you may not be able to participate as you otherwise could have.

you recommended therapy - have you found some benefit and peace yourself ? is there a coping skill you've learned, that you would recommend?

TY again!

blacklabs
blacklabs in reply to 13ga

I told my son I couldn't bond with the baby my mind was ill. I was hurting myself trying to get feeling . She treated him and us like rubbish. She has convinced him that I don't want our grandson and that is far from the truth . His father and sister met up with him and told him i was ill but the narc wont believe it. Short of talking to my doctor or showing the meds I am on I don't know what else to do. I was hallucinating that was how bad/I was hysterically crying in a mess thats when doctor tested my blood and told me how ill I had been. I went on a cognitive behavior course and it made me see I was right about what I was seeing was stress it gave me tools to cope. A baby had just appeared and I couldn't understand in my head that he was my grandchild I was that ill. But since then I have educated myself about narcs and realized that is what our sons partner is and I think if it didn't happen then it would in the future no doubt. She would ruin family events or not turn up.. I cant reach our son he has to figure it for himself. She has been trying to take him away from our family for along time. Its so sad but I love him and miss him. W hat helps are walks I distract myself knit hobbies . I have a very loving husband and a daughter who understand. She recognized long ago that her brother is living with a mixed up person. We all support each other. My meds are helping me and diet anti anxiety pills I am a lot better now. Thank you kind and thoughtful. to ask.

13ga
13ga in reply to blacklabs

hi BL;

thanks for sharing - i'm so sorry that your whole family must deal with that. everyone suffers. and what you've been thru - i can't imagine... i'm so glad that you're doing better, and have found help - and more importantly - understanding from those closest to you. i'm saddened that your son isn't yet among those... but you're very right - he can only get there on his own. if his eye's and ears are shut - no one can open theem but him....

i hope he opens them soon, so you can begin to be a whole family again sooner rather than later.

fingers X'd for you! 💜

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