I am really needing some advice right now. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. I love him to death and we have so much fun, however he suffers from really bad anxiety. I know he is suffering and if he could choose not to have anxiety, I know he would choose not to obviously. I know he cannot help it, but man, it is so exhausting. I just am at a loss half the time.
It gets to the point where he calls me 5 times a day at work, while I am working and I have to stop what I am doing to help him out. Am I the only one feeling exhausted? I feel SO guilty about feeling exhausted too. I want to help him, I wish I could talk to him and be there for him but some times I just want to be alone and get some space. I try to be calm and be there for him but I am the type of person that is always wanting to do something and go out and have fun and his anxiety gets in the way which a lot of times I cancel my plans to make sure he is okay.
Any way, sorry for venting, I guess I just do not know what to do any more, I do not know how or what I can do to help him. I am there for him, I hug him, kiss him, compliment him, talk to him, I let him open up about his life and his past and even his present if there is anything, but when he gets bad and starts having panic attacks, I do not know what to do at that point. He is getting on medication so I think that will help a lot hopefully, but I do not know what else to do. He has tried meditating, listening to music, going for walks, some times he will freeze himself because he says feeling cold, calms him down. I personally, have no idea what to do or suggest, so hopefully someone can give me some ideas or thoughts that I can try with him or for him.
Thank you in advance
Written by
Butters5
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Relationships require communication, honesty, patience and respect. I have ADHD and anxiety so I have learned a few things that help one to build a successful relationship.
1. Learn all there is to learn
You need to be informed what your partner’s mental problem is and how it affects them. Visit a few therapy sessions together to help understand how you can help.
2. It’s not about you
If your partner comes at you with some anxious remark like oh I think you don’t love me anymore, or some other insecurity. Do not lash out. Be calm and try to make the anxious person realize that it is just their anxiety talking. Don’t make it about yourself that oh my partner doesn’t trust me and all I have been doing has been in vain. You need to stay calm and not give fuel to the fire, but be the water that calms the storm.
3. Support and take care of your own health
You cannot let your boyfriend’s anxieties get the best of you. When you see behaviors that are out of your control then get professional help. Your mental health is just as important as your bf’s for this boat to afloat.
Thank you so much for that info, I really appreciate it, I know that I should take care of myself, it is just hard when you see someone who is struggling and someone you love and you want to help but feel helpless.
Truly hope my words helped. I can understand, you hold more power as you are not the one who is unwell and you would do anything to save him. But this is also affecting your mental health and I am more worried about that. I was in a relationship with a guy for four years who had bipolar disorder and trust me I tried everything, I was the understanding one. The one compromising, the one constantly there but because he was abusive too, it left me scarred for life and when I had my first panic attack that was the day I realized the amount of damage the relationship had done to me.
I know my story is nowhere similar to yours but just go to therapy together and let the professionals handle him too from time to time. Share your burden and take care of yourself!
I think that's what my husband would say haha im sorry don't mean to laugh but i feel that what he might feel sometimes one day he went out and bought stress gummys god love him he is trying to help haha what we end up doing is i don't call him at work or something until is really really bad i mean you guys should talk it out tel him about it tell him you are here for him always what help me alot is listening to Audiobooks about ainxty and stuff listening to other people help me see what im going though learning how to deal with some of it having a friend to talk to which im still looking for BTW haha send him my way Just kidding let him relax using other method and i hope you guys get though it im here for you
Lol. I might just send him your way! I talk to my sister a lot because she deals with her boyfriend having anxiety as well so some times I will vent and it just feels better to get it all out and then breathe and go in and do it all over again. Some times I have to separate myself to chill out then I can handle his anxiety and emotions a lot better. I just am lost on how to help him. I think I want to try going to therapy with him and maybe it will help me understand better. Thank you for your post, I really appreciate it! <3
Yeah, I keep pushing him to speak with someone and he keeps pushing it off but I think I am getting to the exhaustion point where I am realllyyyy not trying to show I am worn out but it is a little imminent. So we have talked about going to see someone and i think he is going to start taking the next steps to actually follow through with it, so that is good news!
Has he gone to a doctor.? Maybe some counseling. Or try natural supplements. St wart. Ashwagamdha. I started talking ashwagamdha up the mg and I not as much as I was. If Dr he needs to share everything that he feels and happened. Praying he will seek help
There are, I sense, at the heart of your post, three questions or challenges. These are:
1. “where am I”?
2. “where is he”?
3. “where is our relationship”?
At the moment, I sense that you (the “where am I”) are caught in a situation that feels hopeless and helpless and leaves you feeling inadequate. - I am not good enough and not doing enough.
This leaves you feeling exhausted and guilty and trapped in an endless echo chamber. So, how do you end that cycle and help yourself and him and the relationship?
I believe your journey begins by separating your thoughts from your feelings and disentangling them so they are each put into context and in their proper place within the three questions.
Getting meds is a step in the right direction and should serve to relieve the anxiety.No matter how bad the initial side effects he may experience, he must be diligent, stay the course and fight through them, usually 6 to 8 weeks.
But, I assure you, his life will change for the better.
Another thing he should consider is to place all his fears and anxiety before God and seek the comfort that the good Lord will bestow upon him.
Daily prayer and belief in the healing power of God worked for me, and I have never felt such a sense of peace in my life.
Go on YouTube and listen to Matthew Kelly, Max Lucado and Bishop Robert Baron for inspiration.
I was raised a Catholic, but stayed away from the church most of my life.
But following massive panic attacks and anxiety issues, I made a decision to rekindle my faith, and my life has never been better.
I am not some holy roller or zealot, but just a guy who decided to heed the message God was sending me.
Pray daily, treat everyone with respect and courtesy and help your fellow man, and you will be rewarded beyond comprehension...
Stay well, and you both will be in my prayers....
Omg I’m so sorry to heard that this is really difficult for you! I have Sever anxiety also and I put a lot of pressure to my boyfriend and family but a way to help him I really think is to say you are going to be ok this is a magic sentence it works magic for me and others that I know
For you to be there is extremely blessed because you are learning so much from him and you also, in another way this could lead you to depression and anxiety also but you are strong and is amazing you are there for him
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Severe Anxiety Just Attacked!
Severe anxiety and Panic disorder 
Severe anxiety 
A First: A Several-Days Anxiety Attack
Severe anxiety
