i just realized something

[gottalovelife247]

i was watching movies the other night, one of them being 'Remember Me' on Netflix. i thought it was a happy ending and i was about to exit the movie to find something else to watch but the movie continued. i kind of wish that i didn't watch the end. the guy and girl got back together and the families were happy, the next second the main male character dies. his life was ripped from him right when things were getting better. it reminds me of the quote 'good things don't last forever'. i also realized that literally nobody can control any part of their life except for one thing... how soon they die, and in what way that happens. we live just to die, and the quality of life per person is pretty much the luck of the draw, you cant control when you die, when you lose other people, when you fall in love, when you feel anything. the only thing you can be guaranteed to control is how soon you die, and if you control that, you also have your pick of how you do it. people are always telling me to take control of my life, when in reality nobody can really do that. i mean you can try and put everything you have into it, but anything can happen.

[endofheartache1290]

We have more control than you think, and you are right that we also have less. You have correctly identified that people have no control over when or if they will meet someone. That is luck of the draw. Same thing with if you get sick or not. Luck of the draw. Hell the place we are in right now, I don't mean mentally I mean literally, is also luck. I was born where I was and so on. However, we can still control our own actions. We can control how we respond to things. Sure most of it comes down to blind luck but does that mean that love is not worth it? I think love is worth it and everything I have seen backs up that statement. Same think with friends are they worth it even though you don't have control over who you will meet? Of course. That is part of the experience though. That is what makes it better. If you could plan anything then nothing would be special. And as far as good things not lasting forever. I mean yes we all die but that does not mean we all have to suffer the whole way. It's about finding meaning in life. And no I don't mean a set path that was preordained for you. I mean having those special bonds with others. Having a meaningful job. Having hobbies that are important to you. There is even meaning in watching a movie if it moves you. Just because you can't control everything in life doesn't mean you are not in control of yourself or what you want. And interestingly enough, the best way to increase your luck is to believe you have more control over your life than you do. So if you believe that if you specialize in a specific task it will make getting a job for it easier then it will because you increase the chances of meeting others with the same interest, you increase the odds of befriending teachers who can get your foot in the door, and so on. It's okay to acknowledge that we don't have as much control as we think. But don't let that take away from you living your life because it is worth it. We are all forced to be here. None of us asked for it. So why not make the best of it.

[gottalovelife247 in reply to endofheartache1290]

I agree with most of what you said. i understand we can control our actions and reactions. We cant really control how we feel though. i mean the most i can do to control any negative emotions is make myself not feel anything but that includes happiness. I believe love is worth it but i dont think i believe someone is out there for anyone anymore. As far as 'good things dont last' i was meaning everything not just love life. i may be having a great day and have a great attitude but anything can happen in a second and change that. You can be on the phone with your friend and the next second they're gone. I dont know about being able to increase your luck just by thinking you can, but its a good thought to have you know? So thank you for that.

[endofheartache1290 in reply to gottalovelife247]

I mean we can't control that we react to things emotionally. Meaning a sad song will make us sad. Injustice will make us angry and so on. However, we can still choose to let it destroy us or not. If we are mad we can do things to lessen that. As you put you can be having a great day and something can happen. Let's say something as devastating as your dog dying. But that sadness won't destroy your contentment with life. You can still have a good life and be happy even when bad things happen. That is control. If we strive for meaning and fulfillment we don't get taken away by the emotions. Anxiety is a great example of this. It's an emotion that if you don't work at it can control your life. But if you work with dealing with it then you can control it and not be as bothered by it anymore. I don't believe that there are soulmates I believe that there is a person out there for everyone in the sense that we can all be chosen by someone. That is true love when two people choose each other. The luck thing is actually real and it's easy to see why. take meeting friends for example we all know that going out more doesn't mean you will get friends. There are no guarantees but your luck does increase the more you go out. So by thinking that going out and putting in effort to meet others we increase our odds of meeting and connecting with people. Our effort didn't do it but us getting out more and being cheerful about our choice made us more approachable and easy to talk to. So we have increased our odds of success.

[gottalovelife247 in reply to endofheartache1290]

Oh ok that makes sense about the luck thing and now that you explained it I do agree with that. I am a very emotional person, I feel emotions very hard, even though its one of the things I sometimes hate and wish I didn't have, it makes me who I am. A lot of bad things happen often to me, because I feel so deeply it does seem to control me, but at the same time I don't want to lose feeling that deeply because it's apart of what makes me me. It helps me realize when others are hurting and helps me help them and make them not feel so alone. As much as I don't want to hurt anymore it helps me empathize with other people and help them, I'm not sure I want to change that in case I stop feeling emotions so much, I'd feel selfish and guilty.

[endofheartache1290 in reply to gottalovelife247]

I definitely understand where you are coming from. And I think that is admirable. However, you shouldn't have to sacrifice yourself to help others either. You don't need to feel hurt in order to help others though I do admit it does help if you understand yourself what they are going through. Always be who you are, and if you feel emotions strongly than that is who you are and that is wonderful. But you shouldn't let it consume you if that makes sense. You can still feel deeply about things and care deeply while still preserving yourself. You can do this by understanding your limits, setting healthy boundaries with yourself and others, practicing self care and compassion. Self love is also important as the foundation for all the other things. but you can still be who you are and have yourself be important too. You don't have to hurt because of your feeling deeply about things.

[gottalovelife247 in reply to endofheartache1290]

Yea I haven't gotten the hang of the self care part I guess haha. Thank you 💛💛💛

[endofheartache1290 in reply to gottalovelife247]

It's hard I know. I am still struggling with it too. I have a lot of issue in terms of self love and putting myself first actually. So I really get you there. And thank you for the conversation it was very enjoyable. I like a good philosophical discussion every now and again. Feel free to message me anytime if you would like to chat again.

[gottalovelife247 in reply to endofheartache1290]

Feel free to do the same ☺️