Posted here several months ago on my birthday and received a ton of advice and support. At the time I was approaching a point of burnout. No thought for self care or really any consideration for myself. Things have improved marginally since then. I no longer feel like I'm about to have a breakdown, so I guess that's progress. However the same basic underlying issues are still at play. I can't seem to find the energy to engage in self care. I don't enjoy any of the things I used to. I still find myself coming home from work every day and quietly yearning for bed time. Not because I'm tired, but because I'm bored and going to sleep is an escape. I don't find joy in anything anymore, and everything seems pointless. I don't care what we do on the weekends or in our free time, because I don't engage with any of it. Life just washes over me and continues past me. The other day my wife and I were discussing antagonists in movies and literature and she said to me that everyone thinks they're the hero of their own story. I remarked that I feel like a secondary character in my own story. She asked me what I meant by that and I wasn't sure how to explain it, but that's exactly how I feel most of the time. It's almost like I don't have my own story or I'm just a character in other people's stories. I just shuffle through each day until late in the evening when I can disconnect and go to sleep. I don't know what to call this, let alone how to fix it. If I'm being honest, I've felt like this for years now, maybe decades. I'm not totally ready to give up on there being more to life than this, but at the same time I can't for the life of me see a way to get there from here. This turned into more of a rant than anything, but if anyone has any practical advice to offer I'm more than willing to listen.
Stuck in a rut.: Posted here several... - Anxiety and Depre...
Stuck in a rut.
This sounds like depression to me. It sounds like you have poured everything into caring for your wife and left nothing for yourself. You simply must find yourself some outlets where you can be just you and not a caregiver. This isn't selfish but essential. If you are happier then all those around you are too.
When covid is over get some therapy. Meanwhile you can get some online which is a lot cheaper. A good site is 7 cups of tea. This is free and whilst the counsellers are untrained there are lots of volunteer ones there you can talk to.
Meanwhile don't disappear off the site again, read the posts and join in. You can also use us just to vent if you want too. It does help to talk to other people. Before you know it you might even make some online friends, which while aren't as good as real life ones, they are much better than nothing.
Do you have anyone you could share the caring with? Or at least someone who could help out from time to time?
Agreed that this sounds like depression. One thing I like to use is an app called Wysa. It is a virtual CDT app that has helped me (if nothing else just to get the thoughts out of my head). (Not a sales person for the app, nor trying to suggest it as a substitute for therapy).
I would also recommend perhaps talking wth a psychiatrist.
Hi, quick question: what is CDT?
Derp. CBT. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Thanks for replying. I will try the 7 cups of tea thing. I have nothing to lose I suppose. I would be more active here, but I'm in no position to help anyone else and after reading the posts on here I feel like maybe I don't have it so bad and I should just stop complaining.
I understand what you are saying but helping others really helps ourselves though there are times when we can't give but just have to take.
Reading and responding to others posts has several benefits. Firstly you know you aren't alone in how you feel. Secondly it helps you realise there are things you have to be thankful for. Also you can pick up tips and advice on how to deal with your feelings from others experiences which might help you.
Many have no one in their lives who can really relate to their mental health struggles and talking to others who can is very beneficial.
Your choice though.
I think you just explained the benefits of this site perfectly.
Thanks x
Feeling guilty about "not having is so bad" is part of depression. If you're struggling then it's real for you.
If you are a secondary character in your own story, who is the hero?
Very good question!
Don't know but it sure doesn't feel like it's me. Maybe there is no hero, (never said it was a good story, lol). Anyway, thanks for the reply, I needed a good chuckle! 😆
In my own story, I think I'm both the hero and the villain. The hero part of me keeps trying to accomplish things and feel good about them, while the villain tries to sabotage all my efforts. The struggle rages for a while, followed by the realization that it's all so stupid anyway, and I despair of ever feeling, I don't know, calm? satisfied? comfortable? worthwhile?
For me it's not so much about trying to accomplish things as it is just keeping myself occupied and distracted all day. Just keep moving and doing and the rest will sort itself out. At the end of the day, though, all I've done is gotten through another day. No accomplishments, no joy, nothing new. I feel like I spend every moment coping and running away, and never actually improve in any way. On the plus side I've gotten pretty good at drowning out or ignoring that "villian" voice. Not sure it's done me much good. It's nice, by the way, talking this stuff out. Thanks for letting me vent.
Do you know that old Peggy Lee song "Is That All There Is?" I love that song. And my answer is yeah, pretty much, that is all there is. People do their darndest to impose meaning on this existence, but most of what they do is artificial. Right now I'm looking at my dog. She doesn't need meaning, accomplishments, or anything new. She just IS. And no, I'm not comparing you to a dog. But there are some lessons there.
For what it's worth, I would consider it a compliment to compared to a dog. In some ways they are better than people, lol.
That is indeed so true, they are. non-judgmental, yet can read your moods, they are incredibly loyal
Well the thing is if you just keep doing the same things then you are going to get the same results. I know it's very hard to find motivation with depression but you have to make the effort to start to make some very small changes. That's why I suggested you come in here more. Very small changes eventually lead to big ones even it seems hopeless at the time. You make more progress than you realise.
And yes I am basing this on my own experiences.
Three things from your post jumps at me … “burnout,” “bored,” “I don’t find joy.” It is probable that you are drained, like a battery, and see yourself just caught in something like a gerbil wheel. Go back and think about the earlier days when you were energized and excited at things like a job, a family, etc. You might need to re-appreciate the value of things in your life. It is easy to fall into a habit of taking things for granted. But when you lose them, like a job, health, or a friend, that will wake you up. Try to appreciate the little things in your life. I had a similar experience when I was younger and I talked to a pastor and the half hour chat energized me. Consider doing that, it might do you some good. He told me to vary some of my routines like driving on a longer route and stopping by at some store. It helped me “destress” every once in a while. I also borrowed some books from the library about encouraging stories, or things I do not know about. We have old photo albums of my family and it is refreshing to look at, it stirs a certain type of joy in me. Just hang on, bro. Hope things turn around.
Thanks for taking the time to reply. I bought a book last year but never finished it. I got about half way and never finished it. Maybe I'll try to finish it. I feel like if I finish one it will rekindle my fondness for reading again. At any rate, thanks for reading my post and thanks for the kind words!
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