Bad stuff keeps happening

During the last 14 months or so, I have had one bad thing after another happen in my life. Not just the ordinary hassles of living -- really bad things, like the death of my husband. I feel like I've developed a minor case of PTSD. I have calm moments, but most of the time I feel like I'm poised to fight or flight. I want peace. I want my old life back. I'm strong, and I manage pretty well. But I don't see how I can go on like this. I need a break from this tension. I've suffered from anxiety and depression my whole life, but this heightened state has been going on so long, it is taking a toll on my physical and mental health. I've been around the block with medications and therapy, and am not interested in doing that again. I guess I just need to vent and feel sorry for myself! Thanks for reading.

[Agora1]

Dearest nonames, I am truly sorry for the recent loss of your husband. When traumatic events like loss happen in our lives, it takes time. You are still in your mourning process.

You feel lost right now because of the change in your life. Anxiety doesn't adapt well to change and that is why you most likely are stuck in that fight or flight response.

Our bodies do need a break from physical and emotional stress. Medications and therapy can only go so far. This might be the time to start looking for help in Meditation and Breathing. With practice, it can release that muscle tension and calm the mind allowing you a restful sleep, important. It's okay to feel sorry for yourself right now. But know that little by little you will start to be your old self again and be able to go forward.

I'm glad you are here with us. Working out your problems on a caring site as this can help you not feel so alone. I care. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. Your kind response is very helpful.

[Krakatoa1883]

Oh dear. I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand where you're coming from and where you're headed. I've been there too. It does take time though. You will get through this. The anxiety will slowly start to lighten up as you push along moving ever so slowly forward each day. I know in the height of those intense moments it just feels like you can't take any more. Breathe. I just recently read that you can't be in a panic & breathe deeply at the same time. Your body won't allow for both functions at the same time....something like that. If you focus on your deep breathing exercises, you will start to get a bit of relief. Meditate my friend.

[Hidden in reply to Krakatoa1883]

I just wish we could get past this pandemic. It's hard to get my life back to normal when life isn't normal for any of us. But when I think about all the people who have gotten sick and died, I remind myself that my situation could be worse.

[Krakatoa1883 in reply to Hidden]

Yes, it could be a whole lot worse. Good day, nonames.

[MarcusAurelius62 in reply to Krakatoa1883]

Check out Yoga Breathing with Lucas Rockwood on YouTube

youtu.be/_QTJOAI0UoU(Not working as expected?)

[Catatvet05]

You can vent as much as you like - helps me. I lost my dad 4 years ago, completely heartbroken. I have health issues ever since. I too suffer with depression for many years and losing my dad, and my job near the same time cracked it for me.

Your not alone. Anytime I’m hear. X

[Hidden in reply to Catatvet05]

Thank you. I'm riding an emotional rollercoaster right now, and this is one of the bad times. Your words are very helpful.

[Catatvet05 in reply to Hidden]

It’s still so raw, and what ever you feel is normal. It’s been a really tough year ❤️

[RoseyViolet]

It's good that you are here to vent and to get it out as best as you can. Keeping it all pent up... not good. I can totally relate to experiencing a death of a loved one that was so close. I too had this happen to me 7 months ago with my sister whom battled cancer for 8 long years. We were very close and this hit me hard. I get it. I also understand the statement about PTSD type moments, I too felt this way. I literally got stuck in my grief and spiral of negativity and looking at the world through the lens of anger and unhappiness until I was able to process it out and have those around me who cared bring to my attention that this wasn't the "me" that I used to be and offer help to try to get me back to some bit of normalcy.

It took some time! It took me making a decision that I didn't want to remain stuck and that I wanted to get out of the pit. We really can choose to change our mind and shift our focus on something good, healthy and right. It's also okay to not be okay. Give yourself needed time, it's different for everyone, but then begin the process of listing out daily the things that you are thankful for. I start evaluating them before my feet even hit the floor every single day. Things like, "I'm thankful for this new day. I'm thankful that I can walk, for a warm bed, for a warm place to come home to." And on and on, as you practice this it becomes easier and easier to be thankful and move forward healthy. We are here for you. I pray you find peace and strength.

[Hidden in reply to RoseyViolet]

Thank you so much.

[MarcusAurelius62]

Hi There, I had a pretty shitty year last year too which spilt over to this year a bit. But as a Stoic (the philosophy) and a Buddhist I know there inevitably will be good times and bad times in life. One small seemingly insignificant thing that helped me through a tough November last year was Yoga Breathing. Don't worry, you don't have to move thankfully. If you check out Lucas Rockwood on YouTube he does this "Water" "Whisky" "Coffee" breathing exercises. It might sound silly but over the course of 3 or 4 weeks, doing these breathing exercises when needed, really helped my stress and anxiety levels. Check him out. See if it helps. And my advice is how ever silly you may feel persevere. Hope it helps. youtu.be/_QTJOAI0UoU(Not working as expected?)

[Hidden in reply to MarcusAurelius62]

Thanks, I'll give it a try!

[MarcusAurelius62 in reply to Hidden]

Really worked for me. Really hope it helps you. Let me know. And keep at it, even if at first you feel silly. Good luck 🤞

[cbgrace1980]

I am so sorry you are dealing with the loss of your husband. There is no real answer how to cope with that except keep doing what you are doing. Feel free to vent anytime. We are here to listen and help. I will pray that you will get a true sense of self and comfort in that as you continue to move forward.