My name is Leah, and I have made a first post a long time ago, but just wanted to reintroduce myself again since it’s been so long ago. I have been battling for four years now, intense social anxiety. I was doing okay for a while, and not getting as anxious around people, but recently, through some recent experiences I’ve had I’ve gotten the belief that people are out to hurt my feelings and do not want the best for me and I’ve just gotten extremely paranoid. Everywhere I go now, I carry this belief and find ways that it is true, and I can’t convince myself it’s not in the moment. I thought I was close to recovered and that I could believe that no one has time to think about me this much and have such strong negative feelings about me like people say to me, but that just does not help, and I get extremely anxious and panicky around people. I was wondering if anyone could relate and maybe we could share experiences and ways to cope with it?
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Hi. My name is Shnookie and I want U to know that I’m here 4 U. I’m sorry 😐 that U R going thru this. R U seeing a therapist. R U taking any meds ? Considering now that it’s COVID, how often do U go out ? I have learned cognitive therapy which might helpU lessen your belief - negative thoughts
Trust me my mind can go ballistic and into negative thoughts aka
catastrophizing. There is a need to break down your thoughts and views and this should help slow down your society.
Hi, thank you so much for responding, your questions made me reflect a lot. I am seeing a therapist, but do not feel like I’m making any progress on how I think at all in therapy. I’m not taking any meds, I used to, but I really didn’t like how they made me feel so I stopped taking them, maybe I could try taking them again but different ones that have less side effects. Meds do really scare me though, I worry they have unwanted long term effects that are permanent. I don’t get out very often, that could be a factor, I feel very lonely and isolated, and when I do get out, I get very anxious. It could be possible that’s because of not getting out a lot, I’m not sure, I really think it has a lot to do with my thoughts about people trying to hurt my feelings and judge me and not being able to prove those thoughts untrue. I’ve tried cognitive therapy, that has a lot to do with proving the negative thoughts untrue as you said, maybe I could try doing more of that-I just need to find reason why my negative thoughts are not true. I’m sorry you deal with catastrophizing too, it is so hard to prove your mind wrong as it gets irrational and ballistic as you said.
You made me realize that my therapist is really not addressing my concerns and not giving me any CBT or anything like that. I’m thinking maybe I need to find more effective therapy or ask her to do more of this, but I don’t know if it’s a good sign that she’s not doing CBT already although I’ve mentioned my social anxiety to her a lot. Thank you for making me realize that, and thank you for being there for me.🥰
Of course I’m here 4 U. Yes certain meds might not have been a good fit 4 U. Maybe if U tried 1 to start in a dosage U could see How it feels at this point of your life. As 4 your therapist, please concentrate on the anxiety issue. If yourOutside of your house, get to a quiet place and do some deep breathing. Breathe 1,2,3, thru your nose and then breathe out thru your mouth. I’m 62 much older than U and have gone thru a lot in my life but COVID takes the cake. I live by myself. At times I feel isolated
But then I think I have a roof over my house and food to eat. Please keep reaching out to the group. I’ll try to check the page once a day. Hugs 🤗 M.
I could possibly try different meds now that it has been a while since I’ve first tried them. I will concentrate on the anxiety issue more with my therapist, we mainly talk about my depression, but I really do think my anxiety came first and that is what started my depression. I will try deep breathing too. Yes, COVID has made me feel very alone and I do get inside my head a lot...Gratitude is a good way to get out of that, that’s true. Thank you so much for responding again!
Hello, songwriter! In my experience i've learned that when sober i am shy and keep to myself, avoid people. If i drink, i will talk to everybody and make many friends in the party I need to fix this with a psychologist, why i can't be me without alcohol? But please don't try this if you are going through medical treatment, antidepressants and other drugs have horrible effects when mixed with alcohol. I am just sharing this because i know deep inside we are friendly, but some bad thoughts and feelings make us struggle so much.
Yeah, it completely makes sense why you feel comfortable with alcohol because you struggle with social anxiety without it. I’ve never tried alcohol yet, I am 18, it just sort of scares me because I’m afraid I’ll like who I am so much with it with less social anxiety that I’ll become dependent on it. I probably won’t try it until I get this more in control, so that I don’t think I’ll overuse it. I can relate to being friendly inside but having difficulty expressing it because of negative thoughts. I do that all the time. I always want to say something, but I never do out of fear I’ll be judged. Thank you replying and relating to me, it really helped me feel less alone.
How are you? I can relate with your situation. In my experience however those negetive thoughts about people feeling like that came from what had said or things they did. I do not assume everyone is like that because not everyone treats me the same. Are you feeling like that because someone spoke negetive about you or is it because many people you know have treated you like that?
Hi Zoom12345, it is so nice that you can relate to it. I am okay, really anxious and just frustrated with myself, but I am okay. How are you? It is because many people I know have talked to me very judgmentally. Family members have, friends have, and a a lot of acquaintances have. My dad, in particular, makes fun of me and it is hard to be confident and trust myself that I’m not what he says I am because I think he is my parent and he knows what he’s talking about. I get really scared that everyone is like these people in my life, and I think that makes it hard to meet new people and even be around strangers. I guess I do sort of assume everyone is like that, I have met some nice people, but I always worry they are going to turn around on me and start to be mean. I am a very shy, quirky, socially awkward person in real life and I think a lot of people don’t give me a chance because of that or eventually leave. I always feel inferior to people and have almost zero confidence, which probably draws people away. Have you had people say judgmental things to you too?
Yes, it can take a toll. It started when I was in high school. You see, I starter, like I am starting, my speech is not good. Students used to laugh and make fun of me. I think my shyness came from there. The conflict is in that I am very humorous and people love me a lot because even when I am sitting at the back, I tend to crack jokes which makes people become closer to me. I am also supportive in nature, but my speech for a long time caused me to have a low self-esteem. This is very conflicting. I don't know how to sing but because I like to see people having fun, I would find myself standing in the front and singing for them and they would enjoy that and they would force me to speak publicly even though I am not eloquent. Even teachers would gravitate towards me. As I grew up, I became more and more confident and I started telling people that I starter before they even become my friends. So, this has always been hard to have such conflict. I very much get you. Unfortunately when we are young we listen to our elders especially our parents and we believe what they say about us. My family used to laugh at me for that but now I do not really care about it. My depression did not come from that because of the love I have always received from people regardless. My depression came from a long term suffering from something totally different. I hate the fact that your parents makes fun of you. It is really hard believe me I know it. The sad part is that nobody wants to be close to people who makes fun of them. You will not believe that because my family made fun of me in some way in the past I just distanced myself from them even though I do get to see them which is not good. I love them and all but I am not encouraged when I am around them. So your story is related to mine. Being in this site is also helping because finding people who are like you tells me that I am not alone, I have people who understand me now. Thank you very much for sharing your story because it gives me hope
Mine started in high school as well! Literally right in the few first months high school started for me, I started to get terrified of everybody at school. If I tried to pinpoint it to a very rough incident in my past, I would probably say it was because I was bullied in elementary school for my appearance, specifically my body size (this is difficult to say but I want to relate), and ever since then my self esteem was destroyed. I listened to them, and I started to get very obsessive about getting skinny and did things to achieve that. Ever since then, I’ve hated my appearance because I never think I’m thin enough and just feel so uncomfortable around people, fearing they will bully me again. And my own parents make fun of me for being so shy and they say I allowed myself to be bullied because I’m “too sensitive”. I just have really insensitive parents and I don’t feel much support from my family at all. I have good qualities inside I believe, I care about other people and always want to be kind, I always want to help people, and I get determined when I see something unfair in the world to solve it. I’ve taken in my bullying, I’ve thought I deserved it and everyone is better than me. That is what I’ve always been uncomfortable with, I’m naturally shy, I have been since I was little, but I get anxiety around people now. I’m sorry people made fun of your speech, that is so horrible. I don’t get why people do that, try to make people feel like they choose to have things that are different with them and bully them until they feel insecure. All anyone wants is to not have anything that makes them vulnerable or different, people just want to be accepted. I hate that that’s what people do, and I’m so sorry it happened to you because honestly, no one’s voice sounds funny in my opinion, we are all human and I hate when humans make other humans seem like aliens. I think my lack of support and alienation has sprung on my depression. I always feel very alone and inferior to everyone, and hearing your story today has made me realize I’m not alone, so thank you immensely.❤️
Hi. I suffered from social anxiety for a long time and I want you to know that you can get through this. Ok? You are not alone in this. Many people suffer w this. I remember when I had it I felt powerless and knowing that Im not the only one who suffers helped me. So I hope that helps you. What also helped me is understanding why I had it and where it came from. You dont need to know the why and how to get through it but it helped me maybe it will help you too. Talk therapy helped me. Understanding who I am helped me a lot. You can ask me any questions. Im here to help.
Thank you so much for relating and sharing what helped you! I feel understood, and I do have an idea about what caused it, it’s just been a battle making changes and understanding who I am. I think that’s where a problem lies, me not being comfortable with who I am. Thank you for mentioning that, you helped me realize this.
Understanding who one is is not an easy task so do not make yourself feel bad for not knowing you. I always say that life is about learning and getting stronger. Getting through social anxiety will allow you to get to know yourself better. When you know yourself you can then accept and love yourself for you and that is when great change happens and life opens up for the better.
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