So much for my birthday

[simplethoughts]

Today is my birthday, it is supposed to be happy. I am supposed to be okay. This was my thought before my mom called me today. She asked me if I could please talk to my brother. I have not spoken to him for more than a year. She could have asked me any other day, but she had to ask today. I fee horrible for making my mom feel bad, but it just sucks that she does not understand my position. I have dealt with emotional trauma all my life. My brother was influenced by the childhood trauma to become a bad seed. He was in and out of jail from 18 and so on, he is turning 30 this year and is still in jail. Two years ago we had a huge fight because he accused me of trying to take away his kids and that I was calling is baby momma to help her. That was not true, so enraged I fought him back on it and told him to never speak to me again. I am not mad at him anymore and do not wish him any harm. I know he is a ticking bomb and will go off on me. I know how much I can take emotionally and suffer from PSTD. My family does not understand that I can not handle more emotional harm right now. I do not have to deal with him and it sucks that my family thinks that I am wrong. Why do I have to speak to someone who will cause me to break down? They do not know that I have to force myself everyday to not break down. I just wanted to have a nice day.

[SRNM]

First of all a very happy birthday🎂. Wishing and hoping that your days get better.

I suffer from anxiety disorder and panic attacks and do realise how important is family support.

From my experience, we all have issues with our siblings while growing up and into adulthood but there comes a time in life we need to let go of our past.

[Hidden]

Happy Birthday simplethoughts.... This is a very hard thing to have happened to u on ur birthday but I know ur mama means well. She did this on purpose. She myt have thought that this will reconnects u 2. U see, what children and parents see is quite opposite. There is not even a single parent who want to c their children fights.... It the worse thing that could ever happen to any parents. She is overwhelmed by that, she is overwhelmed by what is going on with ur brother seeing he is in jail.. She is overwhelmed by ur depression. Believe me when I tell u this, parents are clueless. They only do what they think is best. Does this mean what she does is best? Maybe not, parents don't have it together and some are even scared of admitting. I assure u, she means well. She does not even understand what is going on with u. Small things could trigger things like trauma to u and that is bad... I wish she could understand. Sometimes it stubbornness, sometimes it ignorance but sometimes it really not understanding and knowing. Make sure u don't break, I know what we are asking of u is too much since we all understand ur situation but maybe u can call ur broe, u myt be shocked at why could happen... 🎂

[Isinatra]

Happy Birthday to you! Today is your special day. Be kind to yourself, which includes telling whoever, that you appreciate their concern regarding your brother, but that it will be dealt with in the future when you feel it is appropriate for you. Draw that line, make your borders. Set it aside, take a bubble bath, eat some cake and ice cream, then get on Amazon and spend a little money on yourself. Oh, and try to squeeze a little humor in,too. ❤️🏄‍♀️

[simplethoughts]

Thank you all

[shodan95]

Happy Birthday. Today is your day and I encourage you to remember that. Do whatever makes you feel special and loved. I am in a very familiar situation as I do not speak to my brother and have relatives who try to force me to. I have since cut off some of those relatives as well. I live by the quote "Wellness is not owned, it is rented". That means on a daily basis we have to make choices and do things that contribute to our wellness if we intend on being well. If your brother makes you anxious and disrespects you, he doesn't deserve to know you - don't talk to him. It doesn't mean you hate him or dont love him, it just means you don't hate yourself enough to have a person in your life who makes you feel bad. That is an expression of self love and if someone doesn't understand that, tell them to get out of your face. Its crazy to me how families will pressure people to engage with others who do damage to them. Protect your light. Especially in a pandemic man you really have to watch who you let talk to you and who you interact with.

[simplethoughts in reply to shodan95]

thank you for your words❤️

[Agora1 in reply to simplethoughts]

Happy Birthday dear xx

[Jeff1943]

And yet, and yet, speak to your brother. Sometimes it is beneficial to do the opposite to that which comes as instinct.

Your brother is not the same person that he was. Maybe he has acquired a better understanding, where he is gives him time to think.

Do it not for your mother. Not even for yourself. Do it for your brother. Reach out to him and speak. Visit him. It will make him reassess his feelings towards you, that's for sure.

Maybe your brother needs you though he won't realise it. What's to lose. My grandson came out of prison after 8 years recently. He is 30.

[Hidden]

Awww, I feel for you. Happy Birthday!!!💖💖💖💖💖💖