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Anxiety about spending holidays with family who have not been social distancing

Indiegal profile image
13 Replies

So my mom decided to cancel our large family Christmas Eve party which is usually about 60 people because of Covid, which we all agreed was the best idea. So we are just meeting with a smaller group of 10 of us - my mom, my 2 sisters and their families. But then my mom went around to everyone's houses this weekend to visit them and drop off presents so basically already exposed herself. Then it was my nephew and brother-in-law's birthday last weekend so they went out to a bar one night and an indoor golf place with about 20 friends another night. I've been staying at home by myself for months trying to think of others and to avoid being part of spreading the disease (and to be honest I've been worried about my own health too). I've been even more careful in the last couple weeks knowing I'm seeing my family, but it seems no one seems to care about me and my health. I'm frustrated and have anxiety about spending time with them when they've been out and about all last week. But my other choice is to stay at home and be depressed by myself and miss out on Christmas. I'm sure I seem paranoid to some, but I'm frustrated I'm careful for them and they aren't for me. Anyone dealing with the same thing or have advice on getting through the holidays?

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Indiegal profile image
Indiegal
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13 Replies
Agora1 profile image
Agora1

Indiegal, you are not paranoid. You are a caring person who is trying to protect yourself as well as your family members. We can't make others do what we want them to but we can

and do have the choice to protect ourselves.

This is a serious health issue. Just ask any front line worker as well as those who have lost

loved ones. You understand it. So the question is now, what do you choose. To be alone

or risk the chance or go there with a mask on and disinfectant spray and try staying apart

from the group. Your choice.

My situation is different. Family won't be getting together this holiday however, my issue is my daughter. She lives on her own, is very sickly with Anorexia and usually always stays home Except for these last 2 weeks. She has been talking with a guy on line for months

and they decided to meet for the first time a couple weeks ago. Because bars and restaurants were closed, he invited her to his house. Then this past week, same thing.

My fear of her putting herself in a risky position and then passing it on to me this Christmas

is weighing heavy on my mind. I talked with my doctor today and expressed my concerns,

his answer was to wear a mask while she is over (which would be for several days)

Do I choose her over my well being? It's difficult because she has no one but me.

So you see Indiegal, there will be a lot of us this Christmas/Holiday having to make choices.

You are not alone :) xx

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to Agora1

Agora1, thank you for sharing your situation. It sounds like you have a predicament too. I hate that we have to make these impossible choices this year. I know I will end up going and just be pissed at them the whole time. It sounds like you feel you don't have much of a choice either, but it's great you are thinking of others, especially your sister.

I'd feel weird wearing a mask with the people I'm the closest with and they likely won't wear them anyway and we sit close at the dinner table it really wouldn't matter. I don't know maybe I could ask them if they will and tell them I'm anxious about being around them cause they've been exposing themselves. It sounds like an easy thing to do, but I have the hardest time standing up for myself with them cause they just disregard my feelings anytime I do.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to Indiegal

Indiegal, I hear you... I think we both are going to have a story to share after the

holidays. May we both make the right decision and keep ourselves SAFE. :) xx

PT81 profile image
PT81

Hi Indiegal. Not exactly the same situation as yours but maybe this can help you figure somethings out. My family (4 of us) cancel led plans with my wife’s side of the the family (10 of them). They’re not as concerned or cautious as we are. They told us we can come over but they will not be wearing masks and they don’t want us wearing them in their house either. So we decided not to go. We all agreed to still exchange gifts but it will only be the 1 person from each household and outside. No In person celebrations but We’ll all zoom each other on Christmas.

Now with my side of the family, we decided to just meet for an hour on Christmas to exchange gifts. No dinner or dessert and we’ll all be wearing masks and outside. This is definitely not what we wanted but we all had to make our on choices with what we felt comfortable with. I hope you can find something that you feel comfortable with and still part of the family. Merry Christmas.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to PT81

Good Plan PT81 Enjoy your Christmas safely :) xx

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to PT81

Pt81 That sounds like a smart plan and I'm glad you'll still be able to see each other even if it's outside with masks or over zoom. I can't believe the family said you wouldn't be allowed to wear masks, but it sounds like you made the right decisions. If I had a family of my own to spend it with it might be an easier decision for me, but knowing I'm the only one who will be sad and missing out and I'll just be all alone makes it hard to just say I won't go.

VDC1 profile image
VDC1

That’s totally rational to have anxiety about that. I don’t know about you but where I am, it’s illegal to have any gatherings, regardless of whether or not you have anxiety. My Christmas dinner is cancelled and I’m staying home with a roommate. You can still plan zoom calls and stay home. It’s all you can do. We’re all dealing with the same thing.

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal

The worst part is I want to see my younger nephews who are innocent in all of this and have mostly been safe. They have been playing hockey, but the league and the arena has been super safe and have limited spectators to only 2 (wearing masks) and they mark where they can sit so no one is near anyone else. And if any kid or coach on a team gets covid they cancel the games until they are cleared. So I do feel it's safe to see them, who I really want to see, but I can't really dictate who else can go.

13ga profile image
13ga

hi IG -

.

O-M-F-G do i ever hear ya...

1) you are NOT paranoid. you are doing the right thing!!! this is 1 mother bastard of a bug - if you survive it - and chances are you will - there's a better than 33% chance you will have any number of LONG TERM after effects - that could be for the rest of your life.

i, for 1, DO NOT FRIGGIN understand why this is soooo f'g hard for people to understand.

i do NOT friggin understand how TF we've gotten to a place where science is BS and voodoo i believe this, so it's true - has become somehow - not only acceptable - but almost normal because almost half the nation is living in a fantasy world.

2) i've been outraged for a year now - and i am ready to distance myself forever from almost everyone in my life. my GF and her family are INSISTING on having some kind of xmas gathering - even despite, her mom being 90 and in the highest risk - despite at least 1 nephew being a complete moron, and unreliable, unpredictable, and god only knows WTF he's been doing - but we can be sure he aint doing it safely. and he's spose to visit grandma 1 day before we do.... and my GF says I don't have to go.... well thank you very friggin much, you f'g moron - but if you go - then whether i go or not - i've friggin 'gone'.

.

if you're picking up some anger and hostility in my reply.... i would LOVE to be where you are - at only being frustrated!!!!!!!😡

.

i do all the shopping for my 90-ish parents, and my GF is not only putting me at risk - but them. and doesn't seem to get that - and she isn't stupid.... but maybe i am for staying...

.

IG - you are sooo far from alone.... i know there are others out there that feel the same as us.... unfortunately their voices are being drowned out by all the BS that the 'hoaxers', 'haters', and impossibly ignorant, inconsiderate Aholes out there - that think that wearing a FRIGGIN F'g mask is the most horrible inconvenience on the f'g planet!!!!

yep - there's that anger again!!!!

.

you are SOOOOOOOO not alone.....

but it sure as F feels like it!!!!!!!

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to 13ga

13ga I feel like you totally understand me! I probably held back my level of frustration, hurt, anger, sadness, etc. in my post. I was actually in tears last night when I was leaning towards not going and spending my first Christmas all by myself and missing out on seeing my younger nephews who are innocent in all of this. And I'm hurt that I care more about my family and their health than they do about me. I actually have only left my house in the last week to do curbside grocery pickup and babysit my nephew all so I could be safe for my family on Christmas. The fact that some of them didn't even think how their actions would affect me (and my other family members) really hurts to be honest.

The irony is that we have been texting for weeks about the ones in our family that aren't being safe or think the whole things a hoax, but I guess their judgment only applies to others and they can do whatever they want. I do want to say something to them all about how I am feeling and that I've been considering not coming, but I know exactly how that will go down. My one sister will get on her high horse and say that it was her son's 21st birthday so they weren't going to let covid stop him from celebrating and that I'm being selfish (yes, she won't be able to see that she is the one being selfish). And I'll make it awkward at Christmas and alienate the family and nothing will change cause they already exposed themselves to so many people. So either way I'm the only one who really suffers - whether I go and speak my mind and everyone hates me or I don't go and spend Christmas all alone and get more depressed. I really don't know what the best solution is for me, but I appreciate the support here and just having people say I'm not being paranoid and that others are in similar situations.

❤️

13ga profile image
13ga in reply to Indiegal

well IG - def. sounds like you & me are in the exact same place! (my condolences!).

i can appreciate you're trying to tame it down... but i say - say it like ya feel - let it out!

that's exactly how i'd like to treat my family - with all the expletives, and let them know EXACTLY what i think. if i alienate them - then i don't have to deal with them in future gatherings... a win/win! ;o)

so yea - that's what i'd LIKE to do... but unfortunately, if you wanna keep your family, you do need to tone it down..... BUT - what you do NOT need to do - is put yourself at risk; nor do you have to support their deplorable behavior by showing up. that's what i'm doing. i'm refusing to participate. showing my distaste for their lack of courtesy, and respect for the common good of others - by my absence. so yea - it'll be a lonely xmas - but for me it's more important i make a stand, than to have company on a holiday. afterall - it's just another day... we can "celebrate" in mar, or may, or whenever we've been vaccinated.

.

i'm looking at the big picture - it's 1 friggin holiday season out of a lifetime. we won't miss it - except while in the heat of it.

.

so i'll make it a ME time. build a fire, maybe have nothing but horderves for dinner - or maybe i'll just have some buttery popcorn for dinner! whatever makes me smile. hmmm popcorn for dinner, and ice cream for dessert!! it'll be MY party, just for me - so i'm gonna have fun with it!

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to 13ga

I like your attitude and your courage to stand up for yourself. I wish I didn't let my family have such a hold over me or that I didn't feel I could handle another lonely day on Christmas (after so many lonely days this year). Hey, maybe I'll grow a pair in the next few days lol!

13ga profile image
13ga in reply to Indiegal

fingers X'd - hopin you do whats right for you!

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