lately i've been constantly thinking about an ex from a long distance relationship. for some reason he had this thing where we would shower together (theoretically) and sometimes he would make it sexual but that's not the point. he truly was very good to me and made me really happy. all of a sudden he started becoming distant, but when I tried to help, he wouldn't really let me. when i asked him what's wrong, he would just say things like "family issues" or "i already told you" but I really wanted to help. anyways when i got in the shower just a couple mins ago i started thinking about him (not in a sexual way) and like it's weird, but i just imagined him there. holding me. nothing bad but i just wish he could actually be here. and i wish he didn't break up with me. of course. but i left the site we talked on and i have no idea where is now. i miss him :((
thinking about my ex (again) - Anxiety and Depre...
thinking about my ex (again)
I’m sorry you’re hurting over him and the closeness you felt with him. I can see how being in the shower can very much trigger that feeling and those memories. This is normal, and you shouldn’t reject how you feel.. as long as you acknowledge that it was the past and people and their feelings change. It’s hurtful.. it’s so painful.. I know. But I guess that’s the risk we all take when we fall in love. The good thing about it all is we learn so much, what we want, what we need, what we can do differently, and why things are the way they are.
for sure - everything happens for a reason and venting is helping me move on. thank you 🖤
I'm sorry it sux missing someone. The pain never seems to end. At least ur guy seemed nice. I hate that saying "better to have loved & lost, then of never loved at all". Call me a romantic but I'd prefer with 20/20 hindsight to of never loved at all.
Yes love is great but What if it’s just a mixture of dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin? and recovering is just like rehab?!
GMF - have i told ya i love your mind lately?
dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin - hell yea - you got the recipe for love!!
Lol Oh stoppp 😳😘
nope - u do sound like a great mind - and for me - that's hot.
😘💜
Awee u re too kind! So passionate n supportive Daz U 💜😘
and right back at ya!! 💜😘
guys this isn't tinder lmfaoooo
Lmaoooo for sure there’s no swipe left or right! Only take the blue pill or the red pill 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
lol is that a matrix reference?? and I'm just playin yall can say whatever you want on here, it's interesting to me lolllllll
Hahhah yes love the matrix 😂 Take your mind out of the gutter 🤣 it’s women empowerment 😇🙏
wait that's so cool!! i was like "oh no if she's not referencing the matrix I'm about to look like a fool" but yayy. and yes lol now i just need to escape this fake ass world and find the truuuuuuth!
The truth!!!!You can’t handle the truthhhhhh 🤣😂😂😂
you know if i cant then whatever at least it's not this stupid real world lol
Hahhahaha okayyyy I’m getting confused what I’m talking about Now 😅. Namaste 🙏
i'm kind of getting confused too. lol. oh well hahah
yep... matrix - uber awesome movie!! and who's to say it isn't a version of the reality we experience!!?? huh? yea tink bout dat!....
i'm all over women empowerment!! - however.... i must ask - what's your problem w/ the gutter?? some of my best friends have their minds here... er... there.... that first 't' didn't show up even tho i typed it....
is that a freudian finger slip?
😱
BAH LMAO
Right. It feels good and amazing but it feels bad to miss someone.
I agree.
yeah i feel the same way
Sometimes I can get minor comfort that he's out there somewhere breathing & other times I wish he was dead. Before you jump to the conclusion that I'm a meanie, he was a narcacisstic pri*k who doesn't deserve to still be loved by me. They love bomb you, slowly break you down emotionally & mentally & play with you like an inanimate object until they get bored. I could call him a monster or accept that we are all victims of victims...so it's not his fault. I don't know...just wish I could kick him in the gonads lol.
yes yes yes!! my thoughts are always like "i hate you, i love you" and it just depends on the day lol
Even if I don't think of him during the day or if I'm lucky days...he follows me in to my dreams & hurts me there. He's like Freddie Krueger but not as good looking lol.
lol literally so relatable. except for the freddy krueger part. a bit concerned that you think he's attractive but that's your opinion and i cant fight w you abt it lol
I don't find Freddie Krueger attractive lol. That was a joke. Find my ex attractive, beautiful green eyes, not hazel but light green. He knew his eyes was beautiful because he's an ass.
damn that sounds cute af. and he knows too wow
That doesn't really help me. He f**ks girls all the time & tells you about it.
okay maybe not. i meant his eyes but he def sounds like an ass. exactly why is this dude still in your life?
He's not in my life....stop being his bucket nearly a year ago. He would bang on my door when he needed a easy fix. The last time I blew him up & told him all he wanted was any easy f**k. He didn't get anything from me. I couldn't even look him in the eye, he asked me why? But I didn't answer. Risked a look at him, looked at him when he said sorry, he was f**ked....looked away again. One second was all I needed to know I was in love with him....might always be in love with a worthless piece of sh*t.He said he would talk to me in 5 or 6 years. He's an ahole!!!!
GOOD lol
sorry to randomly chime in but I found this relatable...my boyfriend is an asshole and has blue eyes and KNOWS people love him for his eyes...
its always the eyes kookie... always.... the... eyes.... the hair comes second but dam the eyes tho...
yes and I hate that I love that kinda stuff!! ugh
lol it's black magic is what it is
spit yea.... first thing i look @ in a woman.... the eyes..... hair; don't care if she's bald... if she's got "da eyes".... sigh.....
i only know 1 other man that feels same as me... mebbe we freaks... 
You sound like a freak hehe
can't say i not tryin to be upfront!
tomorrow a new day - fresh start.
Yes each day can be a new start. They say you have to act like the person you want to be. Like it's happened already. I want to be happy, physically fit & toned....it would make me feel sexy. I want to do more things & break my bad habits (aka coping mechanisms) which I've used since a teenager.
Want to take up a dancing class & would love to meet a nice guy. Would love for him to treat me nicely & me him. Would love to have a job to subsidise my Carer's payment & give me some breathing space from my mum. But mostly would love to just be happy.
outstanding! - sounds like you have a plan!
ok - let's both start tomorrow... 1 thing first...
when 1st we get up (after peeing) go to mirror, brush/comb our hair, and say to ourselves outload, "today i'm feeling better about myself." - say it 3 times, watching yourself as you say it. or pretend i'm there watching you say it aloud (nice PJ's BTW).
then -
let's go for a good walk! healthy body > healthy mind !
watcha say - 20 min walk sound doable?
we can talk about a healthy diet too....
i'm off to bed... hava good night!
Um don't wear pj's to bed.
Are you into that mantra crap, positive self talk in the mirror. My future "normal" self wouldn't be talking to myself in the mirror. I will give you permission to if u like lol.
Use post-it notes around the house to help you remember crap. Can't think of anything helpful right now, usually pops into my head during the night. Than by morning it's gone.
But that is helpful, something that continually reminds you of a goal or a state of mind you're trying to obtain. You can retrain your mind, the crappy thing is it will realistically take years. Yet a cult does it in weeks lol.
I walk 40 to 50 minutes.
Healthy diet is tough but I need to lose 13 kilos.
Great brain storming session.
Have a great night
hmmm read this after your kinky eyeball touching reply....
no pj's!!!! me likey!!
yes - the "mantra crap and talking in mirror" DOES work. scientifically proven. self affirmations only read or thought work - but hearing them outloud works better and FASTER - because the affirmation is being reinforced thru more sensory organs.
say it 3x for same reason. reinforcement.
you CAN retrain your mind - and it doesn't take years - IF you apply yourself. but you just gave me a grand idea!!
i should start my own cult! a positivity cult! hmmm.... i can do it for women only, and in addition, i could brainwash them all to be madly in love w/ me.... then maybe that dream i had could come true... the one where i'm standing on an elevated platform, and hundreds of naked women are chanting my name, and bowing before me.... oops... did i say that out loud? am i the only 1 with that dream? well maybe you are a naughty gal - look where you sent my mind.... ;o)
hmm what would i call my cult....?
out-freakin-standing on the walking!!!
did ya wanna talk about diet? tell me about yours now?
13ga lol men are such primal beings lmfao
guilty as charged.... hey i said i was firmly in touch w/ my feminine side.... never said i abandoned the male side!!!
i like 'em both! (sides that is....) (why did i feel the need to explain that?) (why am i talking to myself publicly?) stop... no you stop! omg shut me up! heheh
lol I feel you were just like chemically imbalanced lmfao
(imbalanced)
hmm... not sure it's limited to chemically!
ok; part of me left for a bit, but now i'm back now...
well relatable
(primal)
btw - women are too.... but alas.... i forgot.... they don't fart.... 
of course we don’t duhhh
(of course you/they don't)
yes, dear! dunno what i was thinking!
oh btw - there was actually on study done on that very thing...
(no you don't wanna know the details)
(and no i have no flippin idea why this sh*t sticks in my head)
but the result was..... women == men
yea yea.... i can hear it in your brain.... i know - that wasn't a real woman in the study!
i concede... you win!
heheehe
So they have nice eyes....so do we!!! I have blue eyes & two of his friends hit on me, betrayed him. We have power & I'm no dog. I'm a queen & the next guy will be bowing at my feet
omg I wish I could think like u, ur totally right
We have to force ourselves to think like that. Fake it to you make it lol.
Faked a lot times with him lol.
well at least ur not hung up on him
No. He's won. I'm hung up on him. The only solace I have is that I won't ever have to look in to his eyes again. And my hell is that I will never look in to his eyes again. Life is not a fairytale. You would die for someone & they wouldn't cross the street for you. He probably doesn't even remember me.
(hung up on him)
does he like animals? i suspect not so much... IMHO - that's Q #1 pre-1st-date. if answer no - keep swiping!
from our prev conv's - sounds like he's more hung up on him than you are!!! keep reminding yourself of that... maybe that'll help you hang up on being hung up!
He loves animals....f**ked right???? Loves Ricky Gervais, f**ked again. Loves cuddling & making blanket forts. What an ass!! Yeah he doesn't know how to love, let alone love himself.
Over talking about the dipsh*t. Bringing down my mojo. Plus last time I saw him he was getting fat & had a man bun. I believe I already discussed how I feel about that choice of hairstyle.
he loves animals?? yea F**ked. loves ricky - ok. loves cuddling AND blanket forts?????? NO F**KING way !!
clearly doesn't know how to love!
this guys - def. a psychopath!!! only a psycho could love those things, and be so INcapable of love!!!
ok - now we talkin - fat + man bun!!!!! gal - you dun w/ that !!!
if ya need help - you can send me a pic of him and i'll photoshop in the fat and man-bun... then i can return to you, and anytime you in doubt - 1 quick look'll remind you!!
better still - i'll photoshop ricky into a fat man bun - that outta be worth at least a smile! and i'm sure ricky would go along, if it got a smile from you!
Nah I think Ricky is a cute. He's an intelligent man & would know the man bun crap is dumb. Did feel kind of sick that we even had an intimate past relationship when I saw how physically he let himself go. Wish I met him when he was that unattractive & there would never of been a relationship in the first place lol.
yea - hind sight being 20/20 sux!!
why can't foresight at least make it to 20/40 vision??? that'd be ok w/ me!!
What sux is that I literally have the eyesight of a 75 year old. On the upside I love my optometrist & have known him now for 30 years. Longest relationship ever lol.Had a crush on him when I was 15 haha. It's not his looks but he's got such a attractive tone in his voice. Still love that tone but I don't have the crush. It would be sad if I did.
When ever I see him I revert back to a teenager & he treats me like his daughter.
He's the only man I will let touch my eyeballs lol. I wear contacts for 30 years now, first time your eye is pissing out tears & now I can touch it all I want. Feels like I'm starting to talk dirty lol.
lmao!!! well if your eyesight that bad... ah nevermind... oh on another note - did i tell you i'm tall, dark and handsome, with blue eyes, and blond hair?
not sure if you still had crush would be sad... i think it might be endearing. maybe a little childish - but that's also a good thing IMHO.
ooooo baby.... talk dirty... tell me about touching your eyeball! not sure if that qualifies as dirty.... kinky maybe.... but that's ok - i'm good w/ kink too.... i'm nothing if not open-minded! LOL :-P)
OH MY GOD WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING. i feel like i just walked in on my parents having intercourse. wow.
lol i'm joking but like yall can get it hehehe
jokin? sigh.... (but continues on, if only a little disappointed)
heheheheh
ROTFLMAO....
def not sure i like the 'parent' reference.... make me sound old - and don't need to be pushed any faster than i'm already goin!!
and... sorry... you handed this to me on a platinum platter.... I CAN NOT pass it up.... (easily offended.... look away NOW)
.
.... and did ya wanna watch?
ROTFLMAOPM !!!!! 😆😍😙🥰🤪
💜💜💜
LUCKILYYY i've never had to be *forced* into that situation. luckily. yeah i said that. and we're all getting old here lol even me.
oh, the acronyms, how i'll never learn all the meanings, my life has gone to waste...
(acronyms) lmao!
i'm gonna go out on limb, and guess you're referring to 'roftlmaopm'
it's simply 'ROFTLMAO' + peeing myself....
heheh
yep i can crack me up! 
wow *claps* what a smart guess! and thanks for telling me - now i can sleep!
(*claps*)
.... i'm at your service, m'lady !
def. wouldn't want ya to lose sleep over that.
well, technically i'm not sleeping anyways so no harm done 
lol relatable now multiply that feeling x5 and you have my brain
hi GM;
IMHO; it's not the knowing part - it's letting the knowing part go to your head. for me, its the going to the head part that's the red flag, and major turnoff.
oh yea... and asshole.... that's a big sign! ;o)
Lost (and lang) - (prefer never loved at all)
omg do i feel ya...
i lived a good part my life not really knowing wtf love is. that was a word i avoided like the plague - because i felt awkward using a word i didn't understand.
i understood love of animals - and pain with their loss. but that never translated to humans for me... until i met a woman that taught me the true meaning. i learned about separation anxiety - who knew that was something! when we split - [huge breath] - i learned about pain the likes of which i'd never known in my life. REAL physical pain. heart stopping pain!
and at the same time - it was the most exquisite pain i'd known. i found out what living meant. i had lost her - but i still had the pain... it was all i had left of her. the pain told me that it (what we had) was real. i felt paralyzed, and yet afraid to take anti-depressants for fear of losing the pain! the pain was like sight to a blind-since birth man - both miraculous, and fearful because so new.
and you know what - even after the breakup, unlike
langedechu (love-hate), i never felt hate. i was appreciative for the life lesson, and time we had. i luved her so much - that i wanted her to be happy - even if that was with someone else; even if it killed me.
it was wondrous; it was horrific; and i don't have a single regret. and i'd do it again even if i knew it'd be short lived.... i had never felt so alive!
fo-get that ahole... you deserve someone that can love you like ^that^ !
No one is going to love me like that. Glad you experienced it though & you have no regrets.I deficated where I use to work, so I regret everything. The mental & emotional abuse.
The loss of employment, my obvious stupidity, how naive I was. I wasn't a virgin but I was innocent in so many ways. After him there was no innocence left. He was sexually abused, looking back I think he sexually abused me to a degree.
Ahhhh love is grand. I don't believe in fairytales anymore & keep my crushes to actors on screen. You don't get hurt that way.
Over "love"....just in survival mode now.
i'm so sorry you had such bad experiences... and pardon me for disagreeing - but someone CAN love you like that; MAY love you like that. from what i've seen of you - you are kind, funny, open minded, and thoughtful. you are worthy of love. you are love-able.
ok - so you defecated where you worked... we all make mistakes - and bluntly - that wouldn't have been a mistake if it worked out. i'd say you had the balls to take a risk, and i applaud you for doing that! it's unfortunate that the relationship wasn't adult enough to avoid the emotional and mental abuse.... but from the conv's i've had w/ you - sounds like that blame mostly lies at his feet. so IMHO, if you don't mind me saying... no need to beat yourself up because you took a risk on a guy that turned out to be a sh*thead!!
regret is OK - we can learn and grow alot from it... but try not to beatup or obsess over it... (pot calling kettle black alert).
naive, maybe; stupid - absolutely NOT. did a stupid thing - maybe. been there done that too; but i'm not stupid, and neither are you.
i'm so sorry you feel your innocence lost... but i hope and wish for you to find the childish wonder in life... i do think you can get that back. abuse of any sort is a terrible thing - but the fact you recognize it now - that's a good thing. because you won't allow yourself to be abused again.
look - even my best love was no fairytale... there are no fairytales, except in childrens books. love can be grand - and there cannot be love without some kind of pain, sooner or later.
survival mode - holy f*ck do i know that. i been there last few friggin years. lived day by day. all i could do was try to get to the next day. but it doesn't last forever - if you keep working on it. and after you come out of survival mode... let me offer the idea, that you may want to start seeking fulfillment.
fulfillment only comes with vulnerability, and risking hurt. but you do that in small steps to protect yourself. little acts of trust build to bigger trust.
maybe, just maybe that fulfillment leads to love. maybe not - and that's ok too. fulfillment takes many forms. i'd just like to see you be open to that possibility...
you never know what the future holds...
Someone could love me. I am loveable. Just trying to get that to sink in lol. Sounds stupid but I would have to be taught to be in a healthy relationship. I don't know how couples treat or talk to each other.
My childhood was F**ked. My mum brought me up & two of my past psychiatrists have described her as a "monster". I think it's a bit harsh. Learned to accept that it quite common to hate/love your mum. But I'm broken...so yeah.
I know live & learn & all that. My family kind of chucked the mistake in my face for a few years...which didn't help. What made it worse I was still seeing him at that time. If only they knew how foolish I really was.
He doesn't know where I am, I'm hoping he's dead by now. It's all good lol.
(some1 could love)
good! i'm glad to hear you say that. you are loveable.
that does NOT sound stupid to me either.... i had a F*ked up childhood too - in fact i say i never really had a childhood at all. hated my mom.
as far as learning what a healthy relationship is... HAH... i need an instruction manual on how to operate this body i'm stuck in... it comes with all this gooey sh*t called emotions - but i locked them away in a safe and buried it long ago.... man did that come back to bite me!
everything i know bout that and relationships is all OJT, and school of hard knocks... i may not be most enlightened guide... but seems to me that what we're doing - talking, listening, back n forth... being friends... respecting one another; that seems like step #1 in any good relationship.
also - seems to me a good relationship for you, would be a partner that understands you might need some add'l training, and can be patient and offer extra credit classes...
you probaly know all that; so forgive if i'm being redundant.
No totally agree, really want a guy who sort of understands he needs to be patient with me because I wasn't taught the basics. I'm usually called weird at best, the last guy who liked me called me quirky. But than I was honest about having anxiety & then he couldn't rush out of the door fast enough. My fault, I was emotionally slutty too fast lol.
lol - i like that! emotionally slutty !!!!
hilarious...
tho - i would say - doing that too fast - may not be a bad idea...
nip the losers in the bud... before you get attached... i think that's a good thing....
wouldn't first dates be interesting - if instead of selling ourselves - we aired all our faults?? i haven't dated recently - but i would def. like to do that - just to see what happens!!
lol i woke up to 40 notifs and now i know why
heheh! its b/c we love ya... AS-IS !! no $ back guarantee necessary.
💜😍
lol you should read some of my other replies this thread is getting long oh boyyy
yea! NK!! hard to catch up!
lol i've scrolled through the whole thing like 7 different times just looking at the time stamps for the responses trying to find new ones ahahah
(scrolled 7x)
tell me bout it, right?
outta be an easier way to track new stuff, and still see the timing and context....
but there i go thinking logically again.... sigh...
I have a ex but he’s saying he wants me back. He calls me and texts me but he doesn’t come around. He says he gonna see me this Saturday. He had went with another to band I don’t like how they posted pictures hugging and kissing all over the internet.
Like,
Relly xoxo
i don't know much but he doesn't sound like the most committed guy. maybe move on to someone else before becoming reattached to him. best of luck x
Right. But I fell in love but I’ll take some of your advice
yeah I just think the best thing right now might be staying back.
Okay.
Maybe it's good you don't know where he is and what he's doing now please try to move on I've no idea how it ended but it sounds very abrupt which can be why people have these emotions as they did not get clarity.try and ignore those thoughts and not venture into them this is a sign of depression when the thoughts aren't ignored those thoughts need to be left in the past imagine throwing them away now .
yeah i just need to realize that he's gone and there's nothing i can do about it, but i still miss him sometimes. I'm working towards it tho
I met this guy once years ago he gave me a lift in his car to work it was peeing it down with rain I denied any advances he made and I didn't see him again I kept regretting what I did and hoping I would see him again.the day did come but it was not what I was expecting he had let himself go no more flash cars ,no money probably not even working but still very good looking I was glad I didn't have those thoughts any more if I had not seen him again I would have been seeing the same dream of me and him together that's why it's so important to move on life is not always what it seems in a day dream even if you did see him again he would not be what you imagined
thats true - i never really thought about that. like the next time we see each other (if we do) we both will probably have spouses and kids lol
Yes it's true free yourself from those thoughts I believe they are damaging but that's just my experience I don't bring the past up much a lot of it just angers me especially with relationships I made some very bad choices was in relationships from a very young age first boyfriend at 14 never spent time alone probably one year Max now age 35 (Still not single )I keep a lot of relationships behind me they are hard And have always said if anything happened again I will be single I think I'd prefer it just once in my life be alone
that makes sense, like reflecting and actually visualizing what a good partner for you would be like..
hey lang... i so feel for ya...
i hope you read my reply to lost... i meant that for both of you!
i kinda did this thread backwards...
I just went through a pretty nasty breakup, and he moved out of our house. Everyday has felt really empty and lonely.. the hardest part is coming home after a long day at work to absolutely nothing. I feel for you, I really do. It has been a little while for me, and I want to say that it does get better. Everyday is a little bit easier, especially when I'm distracting myself. If showers are a trigger maybe try listening to happy music or an interesting podcast while you're in there so you don't think about him as much.
Best of luck, OP. I am rooting for you!!
thank you!! and likewise! I actually never thought of listening to a podcast or something but I will def try
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