Feeling so lonely & concerned about the holidays

[SmilesLots]

I'm feeling soooo lonely and fear it will get much worse as Christmas approaches.

My 29-year-old daughter has always been difficult with me - I feel it is emotional abuse. She wouldn't respond my texts/emails so I didn't see her the last 2 Christmases and the last time I did see her for Christmas she gave the whole family ( cousins, uncles, Grandmother) presents and in front of them all gave me nothing. It was humiliating and hurtful. Years ago I was feeling very depressed on the verge of tears and I reached out to her by text and told her I missed her and was lonely. She said "you deserve to be alone." I keep hearing that in my head.

My family: Mother, 2 brothers and sister. is dysfunctional as a result of growing up with an alcoholic Father. We aren't close and don't support each other.

I'm feeling very lonely.

[Starrlight]

Why would your daughter treat you so badly (and it sounds like maybe doesn’t treat other family members bad)? Has she ever said why? I really feel for you. I’m so sorry. I’m here for you whenever you need to talk here (you can always pm me too). Blessings to you, Smiles a lot.

[SmilesLots in reply to Starrlight]

Thanks for replying. I've suffered from depression for over 30 years due to growing up with and alcoholic Father and probably inherited "depression" genes. I can only guess that being depressed while she was growing up affected how she feels about me. My daughter won't go with me to therapy or see my counselor on her own to help me understand why she dislikes me so much. My counselor did say the "silent treatment" is the worse kind of emotional abuse. When she was in her early 20s she told a table full of family on Mother's Day that I didn't deserve a Mother's Day card. I feel she bullies and abuses me.

[Starrlight in reply to SmilesLots]

My kids grew up with me being depressed and anxious with ptsd and bipolar too. And they know my love for them. (((((((((((((Hug))))))))))))) I bet your daughter knows your love for her too. You sound like a beautiful sensitive person. And the depression is not your fault, you know? All we can do is our best. I bet it’s hard trying to understand why she acts badly towards you. Maybe eventually things will change between you. But no matter what, take care of yourself.

[SmilesLots in reply to Starrlight]

Thanks Starrlight. I know she knows I love her very much - I say it all the time and that she's the most important person in my life.

[Starrlight in reply to SmilesLots]

❤️

[Marysblue]

I can't imagine what that feels like with your daughter. It's great that you tried to get her to go to therapy. Sounds like she has some serious emotional issues. I hope some things will turn around for you.

I don't have any children and very few close family members so I do understand loneliness at the holidays.

[SmilesLots in reply to Marysblue]

Thanks so much for responding and for your support. Feel free to PM me anytime if you need to chat, or need support. Would you like me to reach out to you at Christmas so you don't feel so alone?

[Marysblue in reply to SmilesLots]

Yes please

[SmilesLots in reply to Marysblue]

Will do MaryBlue! At this point I feel like staying in bed Christmas Day.

[Agora1]

Dearest SmilesLots, I remember writing you 2 years ago. I'm sorry things haven't changed in that time. You are definitely receiving mental abuse from your daughter. The silent treatment and put downs are so hurtful because they leave scars that no one can see but you can feel.

You say your family consists of a Mother. That's your mother? What has your relationship been like with her? Dysfunctional families can take a lifetime to heal. And yet sometimes, our

efforts are wasted and only time goes by and nothing is ever fixed. Loneliness shouldn't allow us to be abused and yet we are all looking for the same things in life. Warmth, love and a hug>

I only wish I could invite you over for a cup of coffee and homemade cookies and of course

a "hug". Since our virtual family can't do that, we can however extend an invitation to everyone feeling the loneliness of the holidays to stop on by the forum. Bring "MarysBlue" with you. You will be greeted by warm, caring people on this site. There's always room for one more. The door is always open as well as Our Hearts... xx

[SmilesLots in reply to Agora1]

Thanks your support really helps.

[Agora1 in reply to SmilesLots]

xx

[Hidden]

SmilesLots this is extremely sad and I wish that it will get better! If your daughter does not come around and love you for who you are not what she wishes you were, maybe it is time to mourn the loss. No mother wants to stop trying I understand that, but you don’t deserve straight in your face abuse. Holidays do not make it easy, but you can reach out to me at anytime if you need.💕

[SmilesLots]

Thanks JusttExisting. I appreciate your response and words of support.

[Hidden]

Let me just say, you did a great job doing your part and reaching out to her with that possibility that she will say something hurtful (and she did). But you tried to put in some effort and she rejected it. I think she has some pain she may be holding to, and that’s something she may have to deal with at her own pace.

I can relate to growing up with a father who drank, and drank A LOT. It affects the entire family. I will also be alone on Christmas because I am not close with my mother and when I reach out she ignores my texts and calls. I’ve accepted it because although it is very hurtful.. there’s only so much we could do to show them that we care and need them. We don’t deserve to be alone, but sometimes it’s safer if that makes sense, than being with people who are ok with making us feel bad about ourselves when we are going through enough. You are not alone 🤍

[SmilesLots in reply to Hidden]

Your words are helpful. Thanks so much for writing.

[Kangaroo_Alice]

I’m so sorry you’re going through such a rough time. Yes, holidays are the worst because you can’t help but think everyone else is floating on air. You know, I think you may be better off backing away from your daughter for now. You deserve to be celebrated, not barely tolerated. You mustn’t think that you have to put up with being degraded like this, especially from a family member. What do you think?

[SmilesLots]

Thanks Kangaroo. I doubt she will see me at Christmas anyway. I'm thinking about taking a trip during Christmas. I know that sounds dangerous with the spike in Covid cases.